I am just staring my full time working life alone in a different town.

jackieblack

ncmscnc wrote: »

A conversation without emotional investment seems pointless to me but that’s how the world operates I guess.

How do you become emotionally invested without getting to know someone through 'small talk' first? :huh:

ncmscnc wrote: »

I can envisage life is going to be a lot quieter compared to even zone 4 London.

Maybe, but that's why some people like it

lincroft1710

Go to the local public library and see if they have any information on local clubs or societies you could join. Letchworth may be a bit clinical, but I'm sure there must be some social activities.

getmore4less

Someone has mentioned meet up, the key to extending social circles is time, often this involves just being seen regularly and trying to engage in chitchat.

Work and kids are the classic connector routes.
Go to work people events just to meet people next time you see them in other situations the ice has broken.

Don't rule anyone out when networking.

Activities can help I always seek out the local stand up comedy club(s) cities have free ones) go early and chat hang around after.
(other events work)
Transport permitting.

Pubs can work but need time, when quiet you engage staff and get known over time.
...

sazaccount

ncmscnc wrote: »

A conversation without emotional investment seems pointless to me but that’s how the world operates I guess.

I have already ruled out politics as no one seems to be interested in discussing their political identity. I don’t blame them, it has been a polarising few years anyway. I didn’t have time to read for the past few years and can’t discuss books for now. May be I can ask for recommendations or something about reading clubs.

.

I was on the depths of reddit a couple of weeks ago and read something for small talk... ask someone about pets/animals, if they have them then they will talk your ear off about them if they don't then **most** people will say they would like a dog/cat/turtle etc or their friends mums cousins dog did this amazing thing. I've used it it works!! Even if they don't like animals they normally have a story why.

Or the weather, I know its super cliche, however I work on reception and when people are signing in, being polite while waiting for whoever their meeting is, is saying about the weather eg glads the suns come out this afternoon, it was a bit chilly this morning

The small conversations over time can build into a friendly relationship.

Most towns and even villages have a cycle club, have a look on facebook.

ncmscnc

sazaccount wrote: »

Have a look on https://www.meetup.com/ there is normally groups in a surrounding area which have similar interests, eg walking/cycling or science or just meeting in the pub

Nice website. Will check it out!

ncmscnc

suki1964 wrote: »

I done kind of the same at 42. Moved from London to Northern Ireland, right into the middle of nowhere, couldn't drive, couldn't get a work because I couldn't drive, knew no one, and to top it all Mr S still worked in London and commuted - 3 weeks there, one week here

So first thing first was I learned to drive. Took me a while and I often booked lessons around things like a trip to the hospital so I only had to pay a taxi one way

Soon got to know our neighbours and was invited to their churches ( not for me ) and we used the local pub when Mr S was home so started to make friends there. Soon as I got my driving test, I got offered a part time job in the pub, which further extended my circle of contacts

The first 3 years were hard on me, very very hard. Homesick, lonely, a complete change of lifestyle

Now this is home, I love it here, love my lifestyle. I do still sometimes feel lonely, new friends are great but there's no shared history where as here people went to school with each other, never moved away, whole extended families living in the same village it feels at times everyone is related to each other

Mind Ive been here 14 years now and Im now part of the furniture


Get your driving, and then when you do finally move, join in where you can, the Church if thats your thing, or a walking group or something where you get chance to meet people with some shared interests

Thanks. I think I have found a place in a lovely 😊 village near Letchworth. About 5000 people live there.

I might be actually living in a church property and might become popular I guess. 😂
Looks like a nice place to spend the upcoming holidays at least.

That’s loads of people I think. Three pubs there and three corner shops. About 25 minutes away on my cycle from work.

Things are getting interesting.

ncmscnc

worried_jim wrote: »

I did it at 30 too! 16 years later I'm toying with the idea of moving again this time from Brighton to Cheshire, I could buy a three bed house for cash, be mortgage free and driving the silly cars I've always dreamed of. I also hate the office photocopier and long for the days when you could just rock up and print something!

Chin up, you'll get there in the end!

Thanks. Being mortgage free sounds delightful! 😊

ncmscnc

jackieblack wrote: »

How do you become emotionally invested without getting to know someone through 'small talk' first? :huh:


Maybe, but that's why some people like it

You are right. Just tried asking some questions about themselves and suddenly they are opening up.

I shall try to remember everyone’s likes and dislikes to bring it up later. 😂

ncmscnc

lincroft1710 wrote: »

Go to the local public library and see if they have any information on local clubs or societies you could join. Letchworth may be a bit clinical, but I'm sure there must be some social activities.

I have actually liked a place just 5 miles away in Bedfordshire. 25 minutes on cycle to Letchworth. 5000 people live there. There is a library I think.

Good idea. I shall try it! 😊

ncmscnc

getmore4less wrote: »

Someone has mentioned meet up, the key to extending social circles is time, often this involves just being seen regularly and trying to engage in chitchat.

Work and kids are the classic connector routes.
Go to work people events just to meet people next time you see them in other situations the ice has broken.

Don't rule anyone out when networking.

Activities can help I always seek out the local stand up comedy club(s) cities have free ones) go early and chat hang around after.
(other events work)
Transport permitting.

Pubs can work but need time, when quiet you engage staff and get known over time.
...

I am actually planning to move into a church lodging in a local village. Don’t know yet if it would work out. Might be a good way to get to know local people quickly.

Pubs might work, I have stopped having alcohol for a while now. Maybe food every now and then! 😊
Might be a nice way to spend time during the upcoming holidays.