All becoming too much

Skiddaw1

If it is any consolation to you wimbatel, we've recently been through similar and I don't mind telling you we were both climbing the walls by the time we reached completion day and neither of us has a history of depression or anxiety. Like you, we'd had a previous sale fall through (only once though rather than twice) and that definitely made the whole process even more nerve-wracking. Like Artytarty says, it's a testament to your strength and resilience that despite your health issues you've made it through with such aplomb and I think you should be giving yourself a huge pat on the back.



And you WILL get there! I know it feels as if you're hanging off the edge of a cliff but all of a sudden you'll be on solid land again. In the meantime please accept a virtual hug from me.

Pollycat

Artytarty wrote: »

The thing that stood out for me from your post is that you got through the awful sale falling through stage twice before, YOU are the proof that you can do it again.

Hang on to this thought ^^^^.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
And you've got through it twice.

Rosieandjim

My GP said a very wise thing 'The problem with Anxiety is it does not change the outcome' Which is absolutely true and made me realise that what will be will be and stressing over everything is energy wasting.


You have been through this twice before and survived it. So you do have strengths. When you have these negative thoughts can you try to think of a positive instead. Yoga and relaxation tapes exercise etc all help take our minds off circular thoughts.

Jellytot123

Omg you have literally just described exactly how I am feeling!
We've had a house sale fall through twice before and we are hopoig to exchange this week with a view to completing later this month.
I am not sleeping, not eating and my anxiety is through the roof to the point its impacting my daily life and people are noticing. I used to be on meds but weaned off them when I fell pregnant and haven't been on them since (my daughter is 1 this weekend) but this whole process has really triggered it again.
I'm over thinking absolutely everything.... Will it fall flat again? Will the mortgage offer be revoked when the solicitors apply for funds? How will we manage packing up with a 1 year old and 4 year old l, living out of boxes.... I could go on.
I've no real advice here as I too am feeling exactly the way you are but I jist wanted to let you know you aren't alone x

wimbatel

Thanks all, I am trying to stay positive. I have been through it twice already this year and come out the other side, however I feel like a 3rd time really will break me.

Rosieandjim - I know you are 100% right in saying 'the problem with Anxiety is it does not change the outcome'. Even though logically/rationally I know it's true, I still can't help but obsess and worry over it all.

Jellytot123 - I understand what you are saying completely. I have not been eating much, my sleep is broken, and when I do sleep I find i'm dreaming about various situations to do with the move because that's all I'm thinking about at the moment. I too keep overthinking things ... will my mortgage offer get pulled, will the buyers go AWOL like the last set did, what if they pull out etc. I am buying a new build which is sat ready and empty, the last sale that fell through I was lucky in that the house hadn't been finished so the builders agreed to wait for me to find another buyer. This time round, they will not wait as it is ready and they want to sell it and get their money ASAP of course.
To make matters worse, the current buyers side had agreed a exchange/completion date which got cancelled due to an outstanding piece of paperwork. We currently now have an agreed date of THIS FRIDAY to work towards, which is in 2 days time, for exchange and completion.
The buyers solicitor is not giving us any answers as to whether they have this elusive piece of paperwork yet, and all signs point to Friday being cancelled again. I feel like something more worrying is going on in the background which the buyers are trying to hide from us.
The builders of the home I'm supposed to be buying are now ringing me directly asking me what is happening, asking why the buyers are not making any progress etc.
I'm ringing my solicitor everyday who doesn't seem to be able to tell me anything either. I had to cancel the removals company after the last date got cancelled and I wasted taking time off work, which looks like will happen again on Friday

onomatopoeia99

I'm currently signed off due to anxiety, for a different reason, though similarly to you it is all about being in limbo feeling unable to move forward with my life. House buying and selling is incredibly stressful, weeks with nothing seeming to happen, then you exchange and everything happens very fast. At points during my last one it was dragging out so much that I wondered if it would ever finish, and I was in the middle of a three person chain, so almost the easiet thing possible. I'm not doing it again if I can possibly help it.

Rosieandjim wrote: »

My GP said a very wise thing 'The problem with Anxiety is it does not change the outcome' Which is absolutely true and made me realise that what will be will be and stressing over everything is energy wasting.

I know why I'm stressed, I know that stressing about it won't change it, I am completely objective, but none of it makes any difference. I don't just stop being stressed because I know being stressed is pointless. I've tried keeping an anxiety diary, as recommended by one of the GPs, but that doesn't help either - knowing it and understanding it doesn't make it go away.

wimbatel

onomatopoeia99 - I know what you mean. I know the anxiety doesn't determine what will happen, but that still doesn't make it stop.
I've tried to keep positive today although it seems Friday is definitely out the window now, so that will be failed completion date number 2 with this buyer. I feel pretty awful over it all. My solicitor has tried to contact the buyers side late this afternoon to confirm what is happening as we haven't heard from them. She promised she would call me back, but never did which just adds to the frustration/anxiety.

Fire_Fox

:hello:

Intermittent anxiety/ depression and other mental health stuff here too. And, with my battered crumpled witches hat on, ex-lifestyle healthcare professional.

You are identifying a HUGE stressor, and many other factors that feed into the intrusive/ spiral/ repetitive thinking. One thing that may well be playing a role too .... the winter drawing in.

You ARE coping even though you feel at the brink, you are so eloquent connecting with so many here. You CAN and will learn things that break the cycle for you. Moments or minutes maybe, not miracles. Music, dance, singing, daylight, activity ... maybe you can do a couple of these with your little one? Jump about and be silly and make her laugh.

I was doing an oddball jig earlier with my cat as the captive audience. I swear she had one eyebrow raised ... Fake it until you make it. Distract yourself over and over again. Crank up singalong stuff on the radio and make the neighbours wince. Start your Spring clean months early, scrub something yuck until it shines.

Moments or minutes maybe, not miracles. Yet.

Primrose

Solicitors can be awful and I don't think they realise the stress that uncertainty plays on their clients.

Last time we sold a property we said the following to our solicitor "we realise there will probably be delays in the process but if you have committed to updating us with information on a certain date, we expect you or a member or your staff to deliver on that commitment. We don't want to be left hanging with uncertainty. So if it gets to 5 pm and you've still not received the information you were expecting we expect a phone call or email to this effect to keep us in the picture.

Now do you want to do business with us on this basis because we have a lot of other stress happening in our lives at the moment and this is the only way we can manage this process? ". I suspect they were rather surprised at our forthrightness but it must have worked because despite a difficult buyer we were at least always kept in the picture.

In house buying and selling there are unfortunately always issues beyond our control but inefficient agents such as estate agents or solicitors need to be held to account. Business is not brisk for them at the moment and few of them can afford to lose a client because of poor communication.

wimbatel

All,

Thank you for your responses.
I haven't been back on for some time.
The good news is, the sale of my flat ended up going through on 5th October and I have been in my new home for over 3 months now.
It was a horrible, stressful time, and I would never recommend trying to exchange and complete on the same day. I will NEVER do that again.
The moving company also let me down on moving day, resulting in me having to move all of my stuff myself in my car ( a 5 door Mini), I was going for over 24 hours with no sleep etc to get it all done, and even then, I had to leave some things behind.
I was fortunate that my buyer was not occupying the property herself and was buying it to rent out, so they allowed me to keep a set of keys overnight until the next evening to move out.
All in all, it was incredibly stressful and I actually ended up going sick off work on the following days as it really took a toll on my mental health.
However things are much better now, my mental health has improved greatly now that everything is over and I can focus on making my new house a home.
Even now 3 months later, when I return home from being out somewhere, I look at the house for a few seconds and feel incredibly lucky.
Thank you all for your replies/support.