Another fine mess...

enthusiasticsaver

I agree with a lot of the comments on here.

Don't buy Halloween decorations. Use existing things you have and get creative with your kids. Waste of money considering they will end up in the bin probably and not very environmentally friendly either. I would certainly be buying your OH a budget present if he wont contribute or show any interest in family finances. We don't do anniversary presents, just a card so why not broach that. £110 a month for gifts is very high when you have just a small child and not teenagers.

Your food bill looks high if it is just one adult most of the time and one child? Regardless of marriage issues your husband has to understand if he is not paying in more to the food pot then you need to cut back. This would seem to be a big issue if your finances are unstable and no doubt this has contributed to the debt. How did you come to owe £18k to your parents? That is huge.

The store card needs cutting up. They are notoriously expensive and any so called perks are usually not perks at all but a way of sucking you into buying from an expensive shop. That should be your priority. Can you sell anything or do overtime?

On the plus side you seem to be trying to save for stuff but I guess you are constantly dipping into things. Why is your joint account overdrawn? Can you cancel any direct debits (maybe sky or cable tv?). Insurance is always cheaper if you pay annually rather than monthly so trying to put money aside for that is worthwhile.

Cutting back on food is relatively easy by menu planning, batch cooking, limiting top up shops and living off what is in your cupboards for a day or two longer than planned. Just limit yourself to one online or supermarket shop a week and a top up once a week. Make do the rest of the time. Use budget supermarkets like Aldi or Lidls or maybe ASDA online if that is better for you. Sainsburys and Tescos are expensive these days. Home bargains and Iceland or Food warehouse/farm foods are also good but cheap. Cut down the brioche as that is expensive. You need to cut your cloth according to your income and basic bread may help focus your OHs mind on the reality of living within a tight budget.

Ultimately though if you need to secure your financial future then you need to get your DH on board. Nothing in your soa for entertainment, holidays, eating out or takeaways or swimming for your little boy.

EverTheOptimist

GDB2222 wrote: »

IKEA famously said that they think we have reached 'peak stuff'. I look around our house and think we should have a big clearance, starting with my side of the bedroom, to set a good example.

I'm a bit worried about you cutting down on food. You need to eat healthily, and fruit is important. Maybe, cut down on brioches and have ordinary bread. We bake our own bread, but that's for taste, not to save money.

I definitely won't be cutting down on fruit, but the kids like the expensive fruits so need to probably mix it up a bit. The brioche is usually the kids breakfast, not treats. I did try making bread recently, husband enjoyed it, kids not so much and I've given bread up. But I may see I feel it works out cheaper.

If OH is eating the food there's certainly a case for him contributing towards the food budget.

I know I need to broach this, we're not in a good place at the mo so it probably won't go down well.

One saving you could make is on interest on the store card. Ask your mum if she will allow you two months without payments to her, and use the two months to pay off the store card. That then frees up £50/ month to make up the instalments to mum.

That's a good shout actually, and I'm sure she'd be fine with with it, especially if I upped her payments either in the short term or for a longer period.

To be frank, you're not that badly in debt, compared to some of the people on here, and you and OH are earning well. It should all come right.

Thank you for comments and your positivity. X

EverTheOptimist

Starmummy wrote: »

Hi, and welcome to DFD. Hi and Thank you.

Your financial set up seems unfairly balanced on first glance. Your husband should absolutely be contributing to the food he and his child/children eat.

I feel this too and some resentment is building, we're not in a great place at the mo so I'm not sure how to deal with this. He does pay more into the house generally, but with what I usually pay for food I'm almost paying in the same but earning around £1000 less. I do appreciate he need some to buy food when he's away.

Make it your number one task to find out the exact rates on the store card and when your 0% expires. I'd be really surprised if the APR on a store card is "only" 25%.

The APR IS 23.9%

I'm not sure from your post how many people there are in your household or how far you have to travel for work but £450 on fuel and food does sound a bit high given your husband is away most of the week. Where do you shop and do you meal plan?

There's 2 adults, 2 children (age 6 and 3) I travel 20 miles 4 days a week, and then another 30 ish a week for kids swimming. My meal planning is adhoc but I've made a conscious effort the last 2 weeks. Shopping has been mostly Sainsbury's and top ups as Tesco express.
My routine is OH has kids on a Saturday morning and my mum and I go shopping, when I probably don't need to every week, but that's my guaranteed me time and OH and kids time. I need to rethink that.

Also- don't buy halloween decs. what a waste of your money- and not very eco conscious. Why don't you spend some time with the LO and draw pumpkins or do some themed potato prints. fun and cheap

The reason for buying some this year is that we've offered to have a Halloween party for 6 little friends. I will keep these for future years too. Just some webbing for the lounge, and some fake candles from b and m, and some ceiling decs, (could prob make those from Pinterest)
The other parents will bring some of the food.

Best of luck on your journey. You will get there. Thank you.

Thank you.

EverTheOptimist

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

I agree with a lot of the comments on here.

Don't buy Halloween decorations. Use existing things you have and get creative with your kids. Waste of money considering they will end up in the bin probably and not very environmentally friendly either. I would certainly be buying your OH a budget present if he wont contribute or show any interest in family finances. We don't do anniversary presents, just a card so why not broach that. £110 a month for gifts is very high when you have just a small child and not teenagers.

Your food bill looks high if it is just one adult most of the time and one child? Regardless of marriage issues your husband has to understand if he is not paying in more to the food pot then you need to cut back. This would seem to be a big issue if your finances are unstable and no doubt this has contributed to the debt. How did you come to owe £18k to your parents? That is huge.

It's me and 2 children in the week and OH home on a Friday so eats dinners with us 3 days and breakfast and lunch 2 days. He's a grazer in the evening. And can eat 6 packets of crisps or half a loaf of bread, a whole pack of salami/ chorizo, he has started buying his own snacks when he's home as he's fed up of me going on at him.

The 18k started as a car loan and top up to my maternity pay, unfortunately i got stung and bought a car that ford knew had problems, and cost me £2000 to fix 18 months in, cue bank of mum and dad again. Then it became too risky to drive so had to borrow more to get another new car. All before I really accepted what a struggle it would be.

The store card needs cutting up. They are notoriously expensive and any so called perks are usually not perks at all but a way of sucking you into buying from an expensive shop. That should be your priority. Can you sell anything or do overtime?

It's a next account so it's become way too easy to buy online.
I have started selling baby clothes, my clothes. I'll be looking at toys to sell in the run up to Xmas.

On the plus side you seem to be trying to save for stuff but I guess you are constantly dipping into things. Why is your joint account overdrawn? Can you cancel any direct debits (maybe sky or cable tv?). Insurance is always cheaper if you pay annually rather than monthly so trying to put money aside for that is worthwhile.

I think the above SOA is what happens at the start of the month and isn't accurate for my needs but because of no proper planning it gets dipped into for either unplanned or unexpected expenses. I've spent £450 on my car in sept.
I need to collect a month of grocery reciepts to see what is really happening.

I dip into the joint account to top up food or to pay for kids clothes etc. (Not budgeted)

Cutting back on food is relatively easy by menu planning, batch cooking, limiting top up shops and living off what is in your cupboards for a day or two longer than planned. Just limit yourself to one online or supermarket shop a week and a top up once a week. Make do the rest of the time. Use budget supermarkets like Aldi or Lidls or maybe ASDA online if that is better for you. Sainsburys and Tescos are expensive these days. Home bargains and Iceland or Food warehouse/farm foods are also good but cheap. Cut down the brioche as that is expensive. You need to cut your cloth according to your income and basic bread may help focus your OHs mind on the reality of living within a tight budget.

I definitely need to make do more and sometimes when I shop I have enough food for a few more days but due to the restrictions of being a single parent in the week and working four days a week it's a struggle to fit it in if I don't go on a Saturday morning. i need to consider online again as I could stagger it each week then and maybe every other month I'd have a week without shopping.

Ultimately though if you need to secure your financial future then you need to get your DH on board. Nothing in your soa for entertainment, holidays, eating out or takeaways or swimming for your little boy.

The money that goes into savings I guess is supposed to cover the above. We don't eat out often or have takeaways due to cost, maybe once every two months and OH would pay for that. My £100 misc spends is for my entertainment, we haven't holidayed in 7 years, and the child benefit/ allowance pays for swimming for both the children. Although I'm worried that we won't get all of that soon due to OH wages.

Thank you for your thoughts and comments. Definitely some things to think about re my SOA/ budget and it's inaccuracies.
Definitely need to look at grocery options.
And I need to speak to OH about all of this. Money seems to have become all very private and he's evasive at times.

EverTheOptimist

Thanks for the comments. I know it's a whole change in mindset that's needed. I definitely think I need to be more organised, better at planning and budgeting.

Today's spends
£7.60 Tescos - 2 cards, fruit and bread.
£10 to go in birthday card
£40 petrol. (am planning on seeing how long this now lasts. Although my car will be used for two bigger than usual journeys at the weekend)

Planned dinner of spaghetti Bolognese. I thought I'd frozen enough bolognese for 3 of us but seems after adding a little too much spaghetti tonight, there is an extra portion for tomorrow's lunch or tea. I need to work out an accurate amount of spaghetti in future. but that's now an extra meal.

enthusiasticsaver

I cannot see a credit card repayment on your soa. When does the 0% finish and how much are you paying each month? What does the interest rate increase to after the 0% finishes?

I would suggest simplifying your soa and eliminating miscellaneous spends and joint savings as you are constantly dipping into it anyway. Work out how much your direct debits are when you get paid and make sure you have enough to cover in the joint account. Don't go overdrawn as it makes things worse as you then have to find money to cover fees. Then don't touch the account during the month.

Put food, fuel and general spending money in a separate account to the joint account, either your personal one or a separate one. Monzo or Starling is supposed to be good for those who struggle with budgeting. I use clear checkbook which is an envelope based budgeting tool and I can see at a glance if we are overspending on one category. I then have to move money over from another category or envelope so it is something I try and avoid.

What is the £60 going into an ISA for? I think you have to cancel the charity direct debit until you are out of debt.

Cut up the Next card and put the credit card away so you are not tempted to use them.

I am not sure what to suggest about your OHs attitude but I would definitely let him buy his own snacks.

Starmummy

Hi ETO

well done for replying to all the comments and not recoiling away. It can be quite full on when you start to face the situation.

I really do wish you all the luck. It is such a good space here to vent all your issues anonymously.

Take care lovely

SM

EverTheOptimist

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

I cannot see a credit card repayment on your soa. When does the 0% finish and how much are you paying each month? What does the interest rate increase to after the 0% finishes?

Thank you for spotting this, i hadn't added t to my SOA here, it is on my written one. The 0% ends in March 2020 and goes up to 15.9%. im paying the minimum at the moment. £25

I would suggest simplifying your soa and eliminating miscellaneous spends and joint savings as you are constantly dipping into it anyway. Work out how much your direct debits are when you get paid and make sure you have enough to cover in the joint account. Don't go overdrawn as it makes things worse as you then have to find money to cover fees. Then don't touch the account during the month.

I have been thinking alot about this over last night and today. I am going to split the grocery and petrol budget so i know exactly what i have for both. I have just started devising a spreadsheet for daily/ weekly spends and a separate one to total this into monthly spends. Previously i have split my money into lots of specific budgets and i may do the same again.
Our system is that we both pay into a joint bills account from a personal acc, this then covers bills, with nothing spare. and then we pay an amount into a joint savings account.
What is left in our own accounts is ours individually to spend.
I then move money from my acc to a food account, a spends acc and then savings accounts for birthdays, xmas, hair appt, clothes, car maintenance etc,but if i spend it all on the car then there is nothing left for birthdays etc.

Put food, fuel and general spending money in a separate account to the joint account, either your personal one or a separate one. Monzo or Starling is supposed to be good for those who struggle with budgeting. I use clear checkbook which is an envelope based budgeting tool and I can see at a glance if we are overspending on one category. I then have to move money over from another category or envelope so it is something I try and avoid.

I do move money each payday for food, fuel and general spends, but the food one never seems to last but i use one account for food and fuel and i dont think i budget enough for petrol so i take from food money then have to take from elsewhere to top the food up.

What is the £60 going into an ISA for? I think you have to cancel the charity direct debit until you are out of debt.

The ISA is just because i feel i should have a smallback up for my car/ unexpected costs, ive just paid out £450 on my car and had it in my ISA. i also feel i need a rainy day fund in case home life doesnt improve.

Cut up the Next card and put the credit card away so you are not tempted to use them.

I haven't used the CC since i balance transferred when i opened it. i dont know where it is or the PIN. I dont have a card for the Next account, i shop online. This has to stop, ive just recently lost nearly 3stone and dropped 1-2 sizes so literally had no clothes to wear, but getting rid of the bigger stuff has been a kick in the teeth seeing the money i have spent and now need to spend again even just to get a few outfits.

I am not sure what to suggest about your OHs attitude but I would definitely let him buy his own snacks.

Thanks again for the comments, i need to sit and re look at my budget and SOA, the one above is definitely what i want it to be rather then the reality i think.
I need to adapt to working part time and the reduced income, but i need to stop with the immediate gratification of spending.
Im quite excited about reviewing it all and getting a handle on it.
I used to get such gratification when i had my weekly budget still in tact (pre kids) that i want to get that back
And i dont want to be 50 and still owing so much money - im nearly 43 now.

EverTheOptimist

Starmummy wrote: »

Hi ETO

well done for replying to all the comments and not recoiling away. It can be quite full on when you start to face the situation.

I really do wish you all the luck. It is such a good space here to vent all your issues anonymously.

Take care lovely

SM

Thanks SM

I need to be honest, no point kidding myself. Im so annoyed with myself, i used to be so much better with money, I now i have 2 little ones and a reduced income so i know things are different now, but still.
One positive is that we have a £100,000 mortgage on a £300,000 house, so if we ever needed to downsize there is an option. but buying this house 4 years ago has definitely contributed to our situation. but that's another story.

EverTheOptimist

So today

50p can of coke
£1.85 - milk and mints
Total - £2.35

Went to Costa
Kids got a free milk cino. i took a drink from home and i took snacks from home for the kids.

Snacky tea for kids, and a use up of spag bol for me.

Another couple of items listed for sale.