Friend's mum has passed away - should I send flowers?

beachbeth

I have a lovely friend who's mum has just died after suffering from lung cancer. She was in her 70's and she still has her dad. She is obviously upset and her husband rang to tell me the news. I will speak to her later in the week and have sent her a text to say we are thinking about her.

I'd like to send her a sympathy card and perhaps some flowers. Is this the right thing to do though? Its hard to know what the right thing is. I can't go to the funeral but I will obviously send a wreath once I know the details, I just wanted to send her something now.

Ladygrim

Send her the flowers - she will love them.
It is a difficult time for her, but knowing others are thinking of her will give her strength.
LG

Dumbledore55

Hi, my friend's dad and gran died within 2 days of each other. She was running around looking after her mum and her son. I sent her a luxury basket of bath goodies with a note telling her I was thinking of her and to take a little time out to look after herself.

She really appreciated it and it wasn't too morbid.

mumofjusttwo

Firstly so sorry to hear the news, never easy for anyone.

Lovely idea Dumdledore55.

I think it depends on the person. I know that when my sister died last year we were given lots of bouquets of flowers but we wished that people had donated the money to charity as we were all on autopilot and TBH didn't really appreciated the beauty of the flowers and we did find it difficult finding a spa e for hem, especially as some of them were very pungent.

Some people were fantastic and gave something to her 9 year old daughter to 'try' and cheer her up a little and we also managed to raise £2000 for charity or rather the people that donated raised the money.


Have to say i received some lovely cards and i have to say IMO that I preferred the cards that say Thinking of You than In Sympathy.

quietheart

as long as you do something that's the most important thing. i think it's much worse when people do nothing for fear of doing the wrong thing. you know your friend best so you decide what she would like. i know i'd appreciate it though.

andyrules

rovers wrote: »

as long as you do something that's the most important thing. i think it's much worse when people do nothing for fear of doing the wrong thing. you know your friend best so you decide what she would like. i know i'd appreciate it though.

Definitely.

When my dad died a friend used to pretend she hadn't seen me, and didn't make any contact. I haven't seen her since.

Those who sent cards, notes, phone calls etc showed that they cared more about me than avoiding an awkward moment of not knowing what to say. People I've sent notes to have always said how they appreciated/needed it at that time. Isn't sharing the bad times what friends do?

BB, I would send her a note and flowers just to let her know that you are thinking about her and will be there when she needs you. But that is what I would want personally.

beachbeth

Dumbledore55 wrote: »

Hi, my friend's dad and gran died within 2 days of each other. She was running around looking after her mum and her son. I sent her a luxury basket of bath goodies with a note telling her I was thinking of her and to take a little time out to look after herself.

She really appreciated it and it wasn't too morbid.

That sounds lovely and more practical than flowers. I think I will have a look for something nice like this for her.

Thanks for everyone's views on this. Its a difficult subject.

inkie

My daughter's friend's mother died last year ast a very young age. I had developed a good relationship with the gran, and just felt that I had to go and see her. I took her a few very simple hand-tied blooms, and a card (not a sympathy one). And this was the catalyst for breaking the ice and for her opening up. I didn't feel as though it was intrusive, but proved the right thing to do. I have a very good spirit of discernment (i'm a minister), and felt that in these circumstances this was the right thing to do. Each case needs to be looked at individually. Trust your instincts.

elaine373

When my mum passed away 3 years ago, one of my firends sent some flowers and a simple note reminding me she was "there" for me if and when i needed her to be. I will never forget that. I feel i am still grieving but when i get an extra bad day i always remember the friend who is and was there for me.

floss2

My friends sent me a card, brought me flowers & a bottle of wine, then sat passing me tissues, making tea & eventually helping me drink the wine when they came to visit after my mum died.

They also made sure I knew I could phone them any time if I wanted to talk.

beachbeth

She is such a lovely friend that I think she would appreciate any gesture, whether flowers or any other gift. I am going into town this morning and will choose something nice and a card and tell her to call me whenever she wants. My problem is that if someone starts crying in front of me it starts me off! But it doesn't matter, I was there for her when her marriage broke up and Im there for her now.