Aspergers/ASD support thread

Flyboy152

raq wrote: »

Thankyou for your kind words . lol.

You have no idea have you??? You shouldn,t even be on this site if you can,t give out information without hurting people

Excuse me. I will assume you have me confused with someone else.

starnight_2

Hi everyone hope all is ok

I have a bit of a dilemma, DS won't go to school again today, and honestly he's getting to big for me to force him, I do my best and normally get him in but I'm kind of losing it now. It's been going pretty good this year and managed to get school to start helping out a bit more, but they still seem to think he's ok in the playground. Now before xmas he was, BUT the only kid he ever played with has emigrated, and there was no warning, as DS didn't even know. Cue hell breaking lose, this is probably 4th time in a month where I've struggled, now all other time I got him in, even if it was only for 1 hour, but there seems to be no budging today.

So, eventually I got out of him what was wrong (he actually said yesterday he had a bad day, first time ever he's said this without total meltdown and me having to figure it out), it seems all his classmates play chasies (sp?) (fair enough) but they are trying to force DS to play and he doesn't want to. Now remember I don't see what goes on, only what DS is telling me, and I don't think for one moment they are trying to be mean. So anyway DS says they are trying to make him play and telling him he is wasting his time just watching them, DS also says they don't listen when he talks, not just in the playground but in class. Now this really doesn't surprise me that much, as until a yr or two ago DS didn't even talk in school (maybe a bit of mumbling) and now when he does talk, from what I've noticed, he tends to repeat himself and get stuck on the one idea/topic. It's really hard to get any conversation out of him, and when you talk about something he's interested in he doesn't know how to hold a conversation and just goes on (typical I know, but it's really starting to impact on his school life now).

Now I had already asked the school about the possibility of playground buddies/mentors, just to get him started, but nothing has materialised as he seemed to be doing ok, though my concern was he only ever played with 1 child, school thought this was ok (it may be, but I was worried about this happening as this childs family move around alot). So of course what I thought would happen has happened, and now I need to find a way to help him through it.

I'm wondering has anyone else had similar problems, and have any suggestions?
As I said it's starting to impact his school life, and he's bringing the anxiety home with him and his homework isn't getting finished properly again, though I've been working on this with him he is just too 'done' by the end of the day to concentrate sometimes.


PS sorry it's so long!! Didn't think it would be.

munchings-n-crunchings

I understand where you're coming from. My daughter was past of a close knit group of 5, and within a term the other 4 left for various reasons.

I would take a step back, and think that when your son says that the others were trying to make him play, and not stand on the sidelines watching...that's a good sign. They, in their own way, are trying to include him.
Think about him taking something to do at playtime. I bought my daughter some Jacks to play with. Very soon, there was a group of girls that would come a find her to play. Maybe he would like some Top Trumps cards, that could be on something he is particularly interested in. Teach him to play, then he could try and introduce others to them.
As to not being listened to, well that's difficult. Children on the autistic spectur tend to talk at people, rather than talk with them, and yes, it's usually on their current obbsessive subject, whether the others are interested or not. That is just practice. As a parent, think about how he speaks with you, and try and break it down into simple steps, use pictures to help...think about things like 'how to join a conversation?' 'how to take turns in speaking' ' how to listen to someone else' These are all things that children pick up as they go thru life, but children with autistic spectrum disorders don't undertand these unwritten social rules.
Try speaking to one or two parents. Most people are really understanding if a child is struggling to fit in. Think about inviting someone to tea.

It's all about looking at things differently. Breaking things into small issues, and thinking about what the desired outcome would be. Then, put in place the steps to reach that goal.
It's okay to say things are hard, or difficult, but don't give in, keep working at it.

Regards
Munchie

jellyhead

Hi, I remember similar playground problem with my eldest. He thought he was being bullied but he was just getting hurt (or maybe even just touched) too much in the rough and tumble games that he willingly joined in with. The other kids are trying to be nice, they think that encouraging a child who looks lonely to join in is a good thing.

School helped my son to become friends with another boy who was very quiet, so they would both just run around pretending to be pokemon or whatever, or just sit and ignore each other, but together - if that makes sense!

It tends to be different teachers on playground duty each day, so it works better if the teacher or head can mention it in the staff room to other teachers, or get the boys to sit together in a lesson or work together on something, to encourage the start of a friendship. Fingers crossed there's someone your boy can identify with.

My youngest is just starting to make a friend at playtime, and all they do is talk about pokemon on the DS. I hate the DS, but have been letting him play on it most days for a short time because I want him to be able to make a friend, and this seems to be all they have in common. The other boys are older than mine and are cleverer too, so it's difficult for my son to have a conversation with them. This other boy doesn't seem to mind that my son just goes off into a monologue, they probably don't listen to each other at all, and both of them just drone on about their pokemon game.

Savvy_Sue

Agree with jellyhead, but I think you need to speak to the school every day you have difficulty getting him in. Maybe a diary? And make some of the suggestions for mentoring / buddying, ask if there's another 'quiet' child who prefers to watch, see if staff will talk to all the children and say it's OK to watch etc etc etc.

starnight_2

Thanks everyone Just to update

I phoned school yesterday and the local ASD school support officer was actually in (was supposed to be observing DS) so was asked to run around for quick meeting. Teacher was asked to have a talk with the children in his class explaining how DS does not like physical contact etc and also came to agreement that for the time being, everyone was to just leave him be in the playground and let him just watch if that's what he wanted (though I would like him playing I think he is that anxious atm he needs a bit of space). I found out the teacher has been telling the children to include anyone in games if they are on their own, which is good, but has kind of backfired here. DS has been told this and that he will be left alone, so he seemed happy enough.

Unfortunately the boy DS did identify with has emigrated, and there isn't really anyone else in the class who would be as quiet as him. He does play with a boy outside of school (this boy has autistic cousins so family understand), but now and again they do fall out, more to do with son not wanting anyone to touch him. I also think this child gets a bit frustrated, which I can understand.

Fast froward to this morning he is still refusing, at first he gets dressed and almost ready to leave then it all falls apart and he wont go. I think he may only be putting his clothes on as it's part of his routine and on the morning checklist. DS has never liked school and this has been going on for years, tbh I would say he hates school but don't think that's a strong enough word for him, he used terrible this morning. It seems to be the work, but honestly I think it's a handful of different things, what we would probably see as nuisances/annoyances which altogether are just too much for him. So I'm been on the phone half this morning trying to see what else there is we can do.

But thanks for all the help and just listening as it really helps me as well.

cobbingstones

Hi all,

I really could do with some advice. I'm a very stressy worried person and I feel really worried about my young son (6). he is in the process of being diagnosed for Asbergers/High functioning Autism. We had the Specialist Advisory Teacher to observe at school and she was in no doubt that my son would not have3 any issues being disgnosed.

The school have been very sensitive to his needs and are doing what that can. But, they have decided to buy a partition to ensure that my son is able to concentrate and not bother the other children (I was unaware that he did this). I feel this is excluding him rather that inclusion. I know they do thhings with the best of intentions, but I'm feeling mixed about it. This partition will follow through the school and make him feel safe in his area. He needs his space and would be very unhappy if he had to share it.

I'm very worried already about him going into the senior school and being bullied. Everything I read about teenage Asbergers I seem to see bullying. I was bullied at school really badly and I'm terrified for him.

My husband keeps telling me not to worry but I can't help it he'smy baby and I want him to be protected.

Thanks for 'listening' x

londonsurrey

On common bad feature about aspies is that we only focus on one thing at a time. One common good feature is that we only focus on one thing at a time.

When he's studying, paying attention to teacher, etc, let him do just that. It will enable him to focus, absorb, and not get stressed.

This will then enable him, in a non-stressed state, to re-engage with the other children when he actually needs to, i.e. after the lesson, during breaks etc. Being relaxed when he engages, as opposed to approaching meltdown, will give him the best chance of the engagement being a successful one.

daska

cobbingstones wrote: »

Hi all,

I really could do with some advice. I'm a very stressy worried person and I feel really worried about my young son (6). he is in the process of being diagnosed for Asbergers/High functioning Autism. We had the Specialist Advisory Teacher to observe at school and she was in no doubt that my son would not have3 any issues being disgnosed.

The school have been very sensitive to his needs and are doing what that can. But, they have decided to buy a partition to ensure that my son is able to concentrate and not bother the other children (I was unaware that he did this). I feel this is excluding him rather that inclusion. I know they do thhings with the best of intentions, but I'm feeling mixed about it. This partition will follow through the school and make him feel safe in his area. He needs his space and would be very unhappy if he had to share it.

I'm very worried already about him going into the senior school and being bullied. Everything I read about teenage Asbergers I seem to see bullying. I was bullied at school really badly and I'm terrified for him.

My husband keeps telling me not to worry but I can't help it he'smy baby and I want him to be protected.

Thanks for 'listening' x

It's so awkward, isn't it! I can understand why you don't like the idea of a screen but they're very common in offices for exactly the same reason, to reduce distractions. DS2 (4) disturbs the other children in his class as much as they distract him so his school have rearranged the classroom to give him a separate table that faces the wall and has a small screen to the side. (He also has 30 hours 1:1 which is needed both to keep him on-task and for his and other's safety) BUT other children come and work with him quite frequently, either at his request or because they volunteer. Have you see the partition or just been told about it? It may be that it's not quite as divisive as you envisage?

cobbingstones

Just heard about it yesterday at the IEP meeting.

Thank you both so much for taking to time to reply, its made me feel better already.