Aspergers/ASD support thread

blue_monkey_2

koalamummy, Please do not be upset, you might find for example, that the child says something you feel is very rude and offhand and uncalled for - kids with Aspergers say things as they see them and sometimes it feels like they are boasting or being rude. You might find that you end up knowing about his favourite thing as much as they do (my son has an obsession with all tank fish). Or they might fly off the handle over something small, they might dislike loud noises, touching certain things, foods or strange places but the parents WOULD have told you this.

My son went to a friends house last week, it was SO hard to do, I gave the mum my telephone number and said to call if she needed me and apologise if he said anything that was rude - but he was fine. He never stopped talking for the whole time but the mum said that she preferred that because at least she knew he was OK whereas other kids who sit there and say nothing you have to feel you have to keep checking up on them.

Please do not be put off having this young lad to play again, just have his mums number to hand in case something goes wrong or he gets a bit stressed but if the lad was having a stressful time the mum would no doubt have cancelled anyway. Our kids find it so hard to find friends so please do not let this put you off. My son never gets invited anywhere or to anyones houses, the kids all pick on him at school, poke him and call him names (and I refuse to believe that it does not happen during school when I have seen it before school) so for him to find a friend (albeit he is 2 years tounger than him) was such good news. My son was not too impressed at watching tellytubbies though, LOL (the little boy has a younger sister). It is wonderful you are concerned but do not let it worry you at all, just keep the mums number to hand just in case.

Savvy_Sue

concerned43 wrote: »

she said we have to be very careful about formally diagnosing my son as the diagnosis will be with him forever and do we want that?
Due to my DS's severe anxiety I don't think he is in a position to handle another 'label'. Could anyone tell me the positives of having a formal diagnosis?

I've been trying to post for a few days, struggling with a dodgy internet connection on holiday! and you've had some good advice already.

The thing is, the diagnosis doesn't change how your son is. Personally, I think the only time it's really unhelpful to give a formal diagnosis is when that's then used as an excuse for poor behaviour, rather than an explanation of why behaviour is different, IYSWIM.

I was told DS1 was probably an Aspie when he was 12, and I found it a huge relief to know that it wasn't my imagination, he really was 'different' to his peers. He's never seemed that bothered about being different, whereas your son does seem 'bothered'.

DS1 never needed any help at school until his GCSE year, when his English teacher expressed concern over his inability to answer simple (to her) exam questions: they just didn't make sense to him - WHY would this question be asked, surely everyone knew the answer kind of thing, it must be a trick question, I wonder what it really means. So extra time was arranged, and that was really useful.

Then he got to Uni, and didnt seem to need extra help, until his second year. At that point we had to get a formal diagnosis, which was fun, but it led to him getting a mentor, and he found that useful.

These days, I don't know who he tells. I don't think he'd strike you as 'different' if you met him, but he has strong preferences which it's worth bearing in mind!

Savvy_Sue

Bitsy_Beans wrote: »

Could it be they have discovered something sensory for pleasure? Do they look like they enjoy the feel of the ripping or shredding? I am by no means an expert but could you try a substitution say like paper or cardboard and see if that can take the focus from their clothing?

I'd have thought something like chunks of denim would give a better sensation, maybe from the already damaged jeans?

Also I wondered how communication happens with a non-verbal adult, and whether it's possible to communicate 'acceptable' and 'non-acceptable' things to shred?

RedBern

Apologies if you've already seen this link - but the Odeon cinemas across the uk are showing 'Happy Feet 2' with special autism friendly screenings....

http://www.dimensions-uk.org/autismfilms/

Savvy_Sue

koalamummy wrote: »

I have shamefully negligible knowledge regarding Aspergers but need to sort that out quickly!

And why is this shameful? There are all sorts of conditions I know nothing about, because I haven't encountered them, so I don't NEED to know. Far better to find out now, when you need to, than accumulate theoretical knowledge about every possible condition your child might have a friend with ...

But to move on, good advice already, if you hadn't noticed it's likely that this friend is more mildly affected, or that his 'behaviours' don't show up so much outside the house - DS1 was always impeccably behaved when out, but very set in his ways at home. He's also 'rules-based' - if he knows 'the rules', he follows them. So if 'the rules' say that you say please and thank you, you say please and thank you. If 'the rules' say that you can't have sweets between meals, you don't have sweets between meals. If 'the rules' say that you take your shoes off indoors, you take your shoes off indoors.

But one thing he doesn't really 'get' is emotion: he knows people get upset, but the same things don't upset him, so he doesn't really understand why they're upset, but he will now respond to the upset-ness, IYSWIM.

elsien

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

I'd have thought something like chunks of denim would give a better sensation, maybe from the already damaged jeans?

Also I wondered how communication happens with a non-verbal adult, and whether it's possible to communicate 'acceptable' and 'non-acceptable' things to shred?

Once he's torn them he's desperate to get them in the bin and out of sight, he frets if he can still see them. Sort of out of sight out of mind.
And it's a difficult behaviour because it's partly expressive (if you don't let me do.......I'm going to tear my clothes,) and partly sensory, or ritual or goodness knows what. Although he does understand some rules, he just doesn't understand consequences so when it comes to ripping stuff the autism kicks in and everything else just goes out of the window. We're just hoping that this behaviour fades and one of the others comes back to the fore before sooner rather than later. I don't think giving something else to tear will make that much difference but we're willing to try anything at the moment.

blue_monkey_2

elsien, have you tried giving him some 'safe' clothes he can rip. The way you say he gets them into the bin quickly shows he knows he should not be doing it. You could try and get some old bedsheets or shirts and keep them in a coloured bin that he has permission to go to, get something out and rip when he is feeling anxious or cross. Leave them out where they can be seen and he can get to them when he needs to.

Also, see if you can get some cheap stuff from a car boot or charity shop so that they arenot new clothes while you are getting into this new routine. You might find that once he has 'permission' the need to do it will fade after a short while.

I know how frustrating this eat. My son is literally eating his PE shirts as he cannot cope with the structure change but I am getting 2nd hand ones and saving the £8 one for special events when he has to look neat (not that he ever gets picked for Inter Schools Sports with his condition!!) and he can eat the 2nd hand ones as much as he likes.

I hope that helps a little or gives you some ideas.

elsien

I don't think he's putting them in the bin because he knows he shouldn't be doing it, I think it's because once they're ripped they offend his sense of order, in the same way that he can't stand half open drawers and has to close them. We're finding clothes as cheap as we can - bought out the tesco value section at the weekend - and have looked in charity shops but they're not cheap any more - not round our way anyway!
I think having a bin of stuff he can safely rip would be worth a try - now that it's getting cold and he can't spend so much time in the garden it's going to be closer at hand for him. We've got all his clothes in locked boxes at the moment otherwise it gets really silly. Thanks all for the suggestions - we shall persevere!

koalamummy

Thank you for all of the helpful responses I will contact the parents as has been advised. All of my childrens friends will always be welcome in our household regardless of any diagnosis or condition of any kind that they may have....I just want to be fully informed so that I can make any appropriate adjustments to make time spent here happy and trauma free. I was a diabetic child in the early 80's and friends parents were terrified of my condition so I rarely got invited to many peoples homes, and would never willingly subject a child to how it feels to be left out due to a condition that they did not choose to develop.

Flyboy152

RedBern wrote: »

Apologies if you've already seen this link - but the Odeon cinemas across the uk are showing 'Happy Feet 2' with special autism friendly screenings....

http://www.dimensions-uk.org/autismfilms/

WOW!!!!

I have never seen this before, it sounds great. Flyboy12 has difficulty with concentrating for long periods and sometimes needs to move around, before re-finding his focus; this would be perfect. Big up for Odeon, but a shame the need wasn't recognised sooner.

Does anyone know if you can still use your CEA card in these performances?