Half way through Dmp but losing the will to live!

Wirbs

I took out a Dmp 4 years ago after being told lots of conflicting information about bankruptcy and Iva. I started with £44000 worth of debt that was mostly due to my abusive ex. Throughout the relationship he coerced/ forced me to get credit/pay increasingly more bills until I paid them all/ disappeared for weeks at a time etc. Only one of the debts was joint which was a mortgage loan (unsecured) which I didn’t even know we had. I’d never wanted to get the mortgage with him in the first place.
Anyway, we split up and I was left with 3 children and a mountain of debt. I threatened him with the csa so he gave up work etc
I’m 4 years into the Dmp and I’m still owing £26000. The house I’m paying the mortgage for is literally falling down around my ears. I have a good job but I can’t afford to do anything. My youngest has never been on a proper holiday. My windows are falling out. We’ve had no heating for over 2 years because the boiler broke. I live next door to a rental which has had a succession of nightmare neighbours. I just feel like there’s no end in sight. Ive made a good dent in the debts but I’ve still got 6 years left. My children won’t be children by the time I’ve finished. I’m just depressed and I really don’t know what to do 😢
Sorry if this in the wrong place. I just want some advice

sourcrates

Hi,

We move posts if we think they will get more help elsewere, so your post has been moved to the general Debt Free Wannabe forum.


Thanks

RecentPost

I am sorry to hear about your problems. Debt is tough! stay strong.

post a soa http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php and people will offer you advice

Wirbs

Thank you. I've cried all day. Neighbours were partying until nearly 4am for about the 10th time this week (this is every day) so I'm exhausted.

Willing2Learn

Hi Wirbs,

If you are finding your DMP payments are too high then you should lower it. It may need to be set at a more realistic level that allows you some breathing space. Please post up your SOA (Statement of Affairs). I think you should be proud to have reduced your level of debt by 18K during the last 4 years.

Without any heating for two years, I think you should take a payment break from your DMP so that you can make the necessary emergency repairs to your boiler (or boiler replacement if that is what a qualified heating engineer thinks).

Really need to see your SOA. So have a cup of tea, wipe away your tears and post it up. There are always options...

enthusiasticsaver

It sounds like the DMP payments need to be halted or reduced so you can get the boiler fixed first of all. It is not acceptable to have no heating and if the windows are past repair then they should be sorted too.

How much equity is in the property? Is it worth selling up and moving into rented if you are really so unhappy living there? Neighbours are tricky though and no guarantee you won't get bad ones elsewhere.

A DMP is the most flexible of all debt solutions so put up an soa and rework the figures so that you can budget for essential house repairs and a holiday. The DMP may take longer to pay off but at least you may be a little happier while it is ongoing. Have you budgeted in your soa for emergency savings? Sometimes the payment is just set too high and you have to say that you cannot manage to pay that.

Louoffofsparkle

What company is your dmp with? Hopefully it’s one of the free ones, so just give them a call and see if it’s still the best option for you.

Wirbs

Thanks for the replies. I don’t know what you mean by statement of affairs sorry. I’ve been told by numerous gas engineers that I need a whole new heating system. The house is in negative equity. I don’t qualify for any schemes because I earn too much. I can’t sell the house because of my ex. The house is the last thing he’s got over me and he won’t let me do anything. The mortgage company initially refused to remove him due to my Dmp but with financial abuse finally being recognised they said they may be able to help. They however have continued to add interest and have recently told me that they won’t accept payments from the Dmp as my name is different on the mortgage. I married 10 years ago and have paid out of the account in my married name since then. I couldn’t actually bare adding any more time to the Dmp. I feel like my children and I are completely missing out on life while I’m on it. I’m possibly also being dramatic because I’m so tired. I’ve made a complaint to the council about the neighbours and I’ve been filling in a log but that and the debts and my ex who I can’t even afford to divorce are just killing me off. I just want to run away to be honest. An antisocial behaviour order next door would devalue the house further and I couldn’t afford the fees to sell it even if I could break even which there’s no way I would. The only hot water I’ve got is an electric shower and my windows and doors are literally hanging off.
Thank you for your kind words. I’m with step change. They were the only ones I trusted in the end. If you tell me what the soa is I’ll find it.
Sorry for the mopey post. I just feel completely drained of everything.

Sncjw

See the link in a post further up that is the statement of affairs.

warby68

You have done brilliantly to reduce your debts by so much but clearly your life has become too miserable partly as a result of that.

It is perfectly reasonable for things to be adjusted to allow you to make essential repairs to your home. I know you don't want to drag out your DMP but honestly, a better balance between debt and quality of life will help.

It may be that with negative equity other debt solutions are open to you because you have no equity to safeguard, and the experts here will be able to help once you post your SoA.

I absolutely bet you would never run away, you are clearly very resilient and hard working and have come a long way already but you are worn down. Hopefully there will be a way to reset things and make life a bit less of a grind.

Stick your SoA up and see what people can suggest.

[Deleted User]

I'm going to suggest something a bit radical. Why don't you just walk away from the house, hand the keys to the mortgage lender and let it be repossessed. Having a property repossessed is not something to do lightly. It seems to me that the property is in negative equity, it's in desperate need of repairs and maintenance, the neighbours are awful, and it's something your ex still has over you so is it really worth hanging on to?

You could start afresh renting somewhere better for you and your children that has absolutely nothing to do with your ex.