What would you do?

Clouds88

Eugh I am so lost on what to do right now.
I’ll try to keep this concise and brief:
Background: gambling addiction and depressed husband.

I didn’t know how bad the gambling had got until a few months ago- now attending GA weekly. Depression- on two lots of antidepressants seems to be doing okay ish now, attending weekly therapy, CBT starts next week.

SO.... this has been the shittest year of my life, lots of arguments and lots of my husband doing bad things. Because of his depression he hasn’t had a job, well been able to keep a job in almost a year. I stripped his access to money. He tried to steal a phone a few months ago and then bottled and dropped it, it caused me a lot of ddrama as was local and everyone knew who it was and I paid the people £400 to stop trouble at my door. Then he borrowed £300 from my grandad a few weeks later and I’ve repaid half of that back.

Now, for a month he hasn’t gambled, he hasn’t done anything stupid he’s got a full time job first week done and doing okay. But tonight he hits a bombshell on me, he borrowed £300 from a loan shark a few months ago and has been dodging him to repay. He wanted£500 repayment and now he’s raised it to 1 K. Obviously he hasn’t got this and neither have I. He said he is threatening to come round here tonight so I’ve given my OH all that I have left £500 and he’s gone to meet him with that. I am on a night shift tonight so now o have to go to work worried about my children, and my safety. He promises to send me every penny of his wages for how ever long I want them and said he told me because he would have done something stupid to get the
Money back otherwise and feels like he has turned a corner.

What the hell do I do? I am in dis belief, I obviously want to me safe with my children that’s my priority. I can’t do my job without his childcare or I may have left months ago. I have a degree in a specific field in the nhs so if I left I’d be poor on benefits.
Eughhhh.

onwards&upwards

Call the police about the loan shark.

Clouds88

What good will that do? He’s also a drug dealer you can build the picture, he’s hardly going to be put in jail over a threat and then he’ll just communicate to his other friends surely of who he suspects shopped him and then he’ll or us will end up hurt/killed?

I just can’t believe this is my life. All I wanted was a normal life and to be happy with a husband 2 kids and a good job.

swingaloo

But a month ago you posted that you and your husband were no longer together and you were making a claim for Universal credit even though you were living in the same house.

2 days ago you posted that you now had savings?

Fire_Fox

Take advice from the professionals/ experts: the Police, relevant charity helplines and websites, voluntary organisations and healthcare staff that deal with gambling or other addictions and so on.

They will tell you not to take anything an addict says at face value, never give money to an addict, do not pay anyone demanding money with menaces, call the Police.

Drug dealers and loan sharks have no interest whatsoever in getting arrested, searched, asked awkward questions, possibly getting restrictive bail conditions, their movements looked into (eg. CCTV).

Drug dealers is a pretty broad church but they generally have friends, loan sharks not so much. Criminals who harm innocent children, mothers, older people or animals are considered scum by other criminals. That is not 'standard operating procedure' for drug dealers and loan sharks.

Sorry but your husband is bull$h1tting you.

74jax

You said in your other thread you had 1k savings. I'd be inclined to give this to pay off the loan then start afresh just you and the kids. I think I'm right in that you have split from your husband so just draw a line. I know it's 1k but it will make you feel more secure. Have your husband pay it off, you have nothing to do with the loan shark. Stay away from him.

Clouds88

Yes we did separate but in the same house then he got his act together stopped gambling got a job told me he’d change ect so I was thinking about seeing how things get on. The massive hold back is that I cannot do my job without him.

I gave him £600 as he said that will do, he showed me the messages from the loan shark. It’s someone he used to be ‘friends’ with, he won’t give me a name. He said hes not going to police or he’ll get killed. Asides from this he hasn’t done anything for a month and he said because this was from debt owed in April (again I saw the messages when he borrowed it) but doesn’t make it any better. I am thkining of the worst, but I don’t know if I should get out now or wait and see if what he’s saying really is true. He’s gets paid mid September so I’ll be having his full wage and giving him an allowance to get to work ect if I stay.

It’s so hard, being a third person on a situation it’s easy to say ‘I would walk’ but it’s so much harder when your in the thick of it. Thanks for your opinions though.

coolcait

He also tried to scam two people - which you excused at the time by saying that he was really trying to scam Paypal.

One of his victims ended up £900 out of pocket and started the small claims procedure to get the money back.

You have posted about your OH having to go to court because he owed someone £900 - if that's not the same £900 that was owed to his scam victim then it's another debt that your OH has.

In this thread you have told us that he tried to steal a phone - and you paid £400 to make the trouble go away - and that he borrowed £300 from your grandad. Which you paid back.

Now there is this money owed to the loan shark - which has left you fearing for you own and your children's safety.

Yes, it is very difficult to leave. It may be more difficult in this situation for you to stay with this man.

Please take all the advice you have been given about who to talk to and also speak to Women's Aid.

Perhaps it is your OH who should leave, not you.

milliemonster

What would I do? I would leave, with my kids and get as far away as I could, I would rather live in a tent in a field with my kids with nothing to our names and rebuild our lives from there than spend it trapped in fear and living the life you are currently living

unholyangel

Even if there really is a loan shark (and not just a friend or 2nd phone) who would be willing to kill him over £300, that put a target on you & the kids. Your husband - knowing what they're like, they were "friends" after all....made the award winning decision to borrow money from them. How could he be sure they wouldn't threaten or scare you & the kids to get him to pay up? Did you & the kids even factor into his thinking when he made the decision to borrow the money? Has anyone come to the door looking for money? You know....showing up where the debtor would normally feel safe, to try and intimidate them into paying?

Addicts can be incredibly creative when it comes to getting their fix.

A month was far too soon imo. Like dipping a pinky toe in. Why did you take him back? Are you possibly "addicted" to the idea of making it work with him - come what may?

Then again, its always easier when you're not the one emotionally invested! So, what advice would you give someone else in the same position?

thorsoak

Get the remainder of your money together, get your passport, the childrens' documents, put the children in you car, book into the nearest Travel Lodge, block his number on your phone and then RUN!

Do not give him any more money - he is lying to you over and over again, he is using the money that you are giving him to "pay" loans and is still gambling. Contact GAMAN (https://www.gamanon.org.UK) for support.