Need to stop spending

LizTaylor_2

I have been registered on this site for a while and I love it but I haven't ever posted anything until now.
I have just cut up one store card and one credit card just sitting at my desk at work. A good start I hope. I have lost count of how many times I have paid off my debts and then started them up all over again - a new credit card or a paid off balance is just an invitation to spend for me. As well as store cards with promises of 'points back' when you spend and my Next Directory - it's not like real money.
I guess I have about £5-6,000 on credit cards plus another £1,000 on store cards/directories and I owe my sister £1,000. Not a massive amount I know but I paid everything off once already this year, only in July so that means I have spent that much in 3-4 months.
I am a single parent and I live in a rented house. I earn £28,000 pa but I have no hope of buying a house because the money I got from my separation/divorce has been spent on paying off my debts. I have saved some - £6,000 which is in an ISA and a savings account - should I use it to pay my debts of leave it where it is?
I do budget for my bills and food etc. and I can manage on my salary. I even try to save £150 a month for holidays, Christmas, car tax etc. but I just keep getting the plastic out when I want something.
I spend for all the classic reasons - it makes me feel better (then worse), it's a social thing for me as I don't go out a lot, I love nice things and think that to buy the glamorous products makes me glamorous, I have spent in the past to keep up with a much wealthier friend and I love the attention I get for wearing nice things - clothes, make up, jewellry etc. I read all the glossy magazines and have to buy the 'must have' products. I even spend on my kids sometimes to boost their confidence and self esteem. I even regard expensive beauty treatments as what I am entitled to when i work so hard!
It's scary writing this down because it's so obvious it has to stop but I don't know how to do it or how to fill the gap. What will I do at the weekend if I'm not shopping? Last weekend I bought 3 PAIRS OF BOOTS in 2 days! I have at least that many pairs already if not more.
I am already having counselling following my traumatic separation and 'not feeling good enough' is one of the issues I am exploring though I haven't talked to my therapist about spending - too ashamed even to tell her.
I am desperate to do something. Does anyone have any advice or thoughts?
LizT

HBFS

Hi! Welcome to DFW! And congrats on taking the first steps to becoming debt-free.

One tiny point, could you set out your SOA to look something like this?

Monthly Incomings:

My salary - £1,500
Flatmate's contribution - £385

Total - £1,835

Monthly Outgoings:

Mortgage/Rent - £650
Council Tax - £120
Gas - £- (I usually pay it off the month it comes in)
Electric - (ditto above)
TV License - £10.99
T-Mobile - £20 (internet)
O2 - £200-£300
Food - £150
Money to get into work - £75
Credit Card - £100
Loan - £120
Parents - £100
Rent Arrears - £100

Total: £1,746

That would help people far more experienced than I to help

marksandsparksgal

Hey Liz,

Welcome to MSE. Well done on cutting up the cards.

It's a tough thing to tackle, but you're already halfway there since you know why you're spending. As for the boots, if you haven't worn them, take them back! And if you have, maybe ebay is the answer.

I know what you mean about having nice things and 'keeping up with the Jonses', but at the end of the day, how do you know your 'wealthy' friend isn't putting all her spending on credit too? Also, don't buy stuff for your kids to increse their self esteem, they'll only end up falling into the same trap you have, and I'm sure that's the last thing you want! I'm not saying don't ever buy them anything but maybe cut it back a bit, or start them doing housework etc for a bit of pocket money, obviously depends on their ages.

And don't be ashamed at speaking to your therapist about how you feel, it's what they're there for after all! And if it was me listening to you, I'd be impressed you have the courage to admit how you feel and that you're doing something about it.

I guess in summary, you've paid everything off before, it can be done again, and it will. As for the weekend spending, there is tons of stuff you can do, you just have to get out of the mindset of spending, stuff with the kids, read a good book, exercise etc, all of these things can be low cost or even free, you just have to know where to look, and this site is a treasure trove of info.

Keep your chin up and I'm sure more people with many more words of wisdom will be along soon. Anytime you feel down, just let the guys on here know, there is always someone with a friendly ear.

In_Search_Of_Me

welcome to our world! Can relate to much of what you said, in fact could have been me a year and a half ago & much has changed since then! Recognsing that the shoppig does NOT make you happy is part of it & replacig panic shopping with something you enjoy is part of the battle. The ther is being savvy & maximising income so you get the best for your money & thats what the site is about! I would suggest posting your SOA which can be cathartic but also makes you sort things - bet you'll be gobsmacked by the amount of interest you pay & that will help you realise how much you waste; then pepys can help you save money and set a budget and away you go, money will be paid off in no time! Feel free to ask questions & welcome to MSE!
PS you need to try & be honest with your councellor - she can only help you if you're ope & honest with her & you's be surprised how many people are in the same boat!

LizTaylor_2

No I'm not so crazy I'm replying to my own cry for help but I'm starting to think about this and wnated to add some bits.
I've worked out that since August I have bought 3 new coats(£250 approx), the 3 pairs of boots I mentioned plus countless other things I can't even account for. My wardrobe is stuffed full.
I even sold some stuff on E-bay but then managed to buy a pair of shoes and a bag also from E-bay with the profits!
I have about £1000 on my Next Directory account and a card for Monsoon - I have enough savings to pay that off plus my two credit cards that are NOT 0% interest. Is it a dumb question to ask should I pay them off?
I just went to a local shop at lunch time -
Spend £3.68 -
£1.99 for sandwich - could have made it at home
£0.37 for crisps - we have loads in multipacks at home
£1.32 for throat sweets and tablets for my daughter - OK
However I did walk away from my usual £1.50 magazine purchase and put back the drink I was going to buy for 96p as well. Some progress however small! LizT

supersavershal

Welcome to mse Liz.I also used to buy to keep up with friends, but since "coming out" to them about my debt problems they too have admitted they have debts some bigger than mine.I have learnt that they are only possessions, just stuff.
I do still overbuy for my kids and im finding it hard to keep on track with christmas coming.
It sounds like you have had a bad time and perhaps you buy stuff to make you feel better (I used to get a rush from going on a spending spree).
When I feel a spending spree coming on I go on internet and fill a basket in my fav shops, I put in sizes and colours and everything I just dont go through the checkout.Its silly I know but it works for me.

supersavershal

Yes Liz pay them off there is no point in having savings if you have debt.Usually the amount you earn in interest outweights the amount of interested charged on cards etc.

In_Search_Of_Me

I would have a look at the interest you make then what you pay & the answer will be obvious me thinks! Its the little things that add up & I would suggest that you start a spending diary (in a CHEAP notebook or on spendingdiary.com) which will scare the pants off you! Re last post the phrase vicious circle came to mind!! You prob lost money on what you sold & then got something 2nd hand instead!! You know as well as we do hw daft that is but then lightbulb moments are full of them (ie I used to spen 76 on body lotion & its still sitting there!!) Me thinks you need to find a hobby & ME is a good place to start!

chevalier

Hi there
Welcome to MSE:hello: ! Well done on posting on here. As someone else has said, I am sure that you would be able to take the boots back, if you haven't worn them. That would give you a boost to your well being, and get you some money back.

I gather that Next directory accounts are about 29% interest so unless you are getting 29% interest on your ISA then yes use the savings to pay off the debt. But the important thing is to then close the account. That way you don't get the nice shiny directory (which you get charged for!) dropping through your door to tempt you.

Now is also the time to have a look at your monthly outgoings and make the money that you have to spend work harder for you. So things like insurances and utilities. If you check you have the cheapest deals, then you can look on cash back sites, like quidco.com/topcashback.co.uk etc to see if your prospective new provider gives cash back on sign up. All more money to throw at your debts.

Best of luck with sorting it.
chev

LizTaylor_2

Thanks to all of you who have replied so fast - it really really helps. I will add my SOA to this and see if that prompts anything else. I even have it set up on my computer already so I know what it is - that makes it even worse.
I am seeing my lovely counsellor on Monday and I plan to talk to her about this. I'm sure she can help.
I really don't want my kids to have my attitude to money so I need to stop this befoer that happens.
I even lie about spending - I have no partner but I had bags in the car until the kids are out so they won't see. When my Dad asks me if I'm OK on the money front and 'not too much credit card spending?' - I say everything is fine and of course I don't spend too much!

SOA

Salary £1684.19
Other income £445.80
Total £2129.99

Car Insurance £22.45
Mobile phone £30
Contacts lenses £19.50
Rent £695
House insurance £13.76
G&E £63
Water £24
TV licence £11.61
BT £20 approx
Council Tax £100 (10 months)
Inland Revenue £11.20 (repayment of overpayment, no interest)
Halifax CC £150 (try to pay this much each month)
Other A&L card £20
Monsoon card £25 approx each month
Next Directory - paying minimum, currently £40
Broadband £20
Dentist plan £10.25
Laptop repayment £25.11
Gardener (I know I know!!) £15
Savings £160/montn incl some to the kids
Nails (OK OK) £66
Food £350
Petrol £140
Therapist £40

This may not be in the best order but that's it! I think!

LizTaylor_2

supersavershal - thanks, you are right. I will pay off all that I can this month, or whenever the statements come in and free up some cash in terms of monthly income very fast.
One of my cards - Halifax is on 0% interest so I'm going to pay more off that with some of this extra income. I'm going to do it by setting up a regular monthly payment from my bank so I never see the money! Liz