Twins! Top tips?

Hectors_House

I’m a twin and have had a long life of folks calling me my sisters name.

My parents couldn’t tell us apart by voice only, they had to be able to see which of us they were talking to.

Good advise here about not giving twins joint presents or joint cards. They are going to have a lifetime of being connected to another person in a way many people don’t understand so anything that can be done to knowledge them as individuals is important.

There will come a time when the twins have to navigate finding their own identity and that can lead to the fighting that people see but being a twin means you will always have someone who understands you and has your back.

Excellent advise above. I spent the first six months of my life in an incubator so my mother never bonded with me as strongly. It led to many issues later in life.

KeeperOfTheMarsh

A friend of mine was recently advised by a grown-up twin to make sure she took photos of each twin individually, as the person advising found it frustrating that they did not have any photos of just themselves to look back on.

goodwithsaving

I wouldn't give the parents-to-be advise unless they asked for it.......


but I am a twin and here are things I hated. This is more generic than addressing the particular post but I was on a roll....



- Being labelled in contrast e.g. evil one, nice one
- People thinking twins are cute when dressed the same (they're not)
- Being compared, whether academically, weight wise etc. This can lead to a lot of friction in later life
- One twin being better than the other e.g. determining who gets the bigger room
- Getting the same allowance for a party or event between two as a solo sibling would get for just the one self
- Using 'twins' to call them. Use their separate names
- We were together at school and split up in later years. We weren't ready but yet school felt they were capable of deciding that for us. Nobody understands the twin bond. I can moan about my twin but noone else is allowed to!
- When people expect us to be the same. We're not. We are more similar as adults and often meet up and find out we've bought the same shoes or tops, but we aren't the same. Intellectually we're different, fun wise we're different. Character wise we're different
- Give each twin a birthday cake. I find it odd not saying 'our birthday' but some twins prefer 'my birthday'. At the minute my twin was born I say 'Happy birthday' and then at the minute I was born I get my own 'Happy birthday'. People find it strange, but we chuckle about it
- Don't use the fact there are two of them as a reason for getting them cheaper shoes/clothes/etc than a solo sibling. They are just as equal!


Despite all of the above, I'm really proud of being a twin. I often forget about it so few people know I am a twin if I didn't grow up with them, because for me it's normal. For me it's as weird not being a twin, as it is to someone else who can't get their head around how it would be to be a twin. I have someone who has been with me since I was born, remembers the first day at school as I do, got into trouble with me and who drives me mad but I love a lot at the same time. We're not close, but we share a bond you can't really describe.

I dread the day I'm not a twin and hope I die first (when much, much older) for that reason.

Hectors_House

goodwithsaving wrote: »

I wouldn't give the parents-to-be advise unless they asked for it.......


but I am a twin and here are things I hated. This is more generic than addressing the particular post but I was on a roll....



- Being labelled in contrast e.g. evil one, nice one
- People thinking twins are cute when dressed the same (they're not)
- Being compared, whether academically, weight wise etc. This can lead to a lot of friction in later life
- One twin being better than the other e.g. determining who gets the bigger room
- Getting the same allowance for a party or event between two as a solo sibling would get for just the one self
- Using 'twins' to call them. Use their separate names
- We were together at school and split up in later years. We weren't ready but yet school felt they were capable of deciding that for us. Nobody understands the twin bond. I can moan about my twin but noone else is allowed to!
- When people expect us to be the same. We're not. We are more similar as adults and often meet up and find out we've bought the same shoes or tops, but we aren't the same. Intellectually we're different, fun wise we're different. Character wise we're different
- Give each twin a birthday cake. I find it odd not saying 'our birthday' but some twins prefer 'my birthday'. At the minute my twin was born I say 'Happy birthday' and then at the minute I was born I get my own 'Happy birthday'. People find it strange, but we chuckle about it
- Don't use the fact there are two of them as a reason for getting them cheaper shoes/clothes/etc than a solo sibling. They are just as equal!


Despite all of the above, I'm really proud of being a twin. I often forget about it so few people know I am a twin if I didn't grow up with them, because for me it's normal. For me it's as weird not being a twin, as it is to someone else who can't get their head around how it would be to be a twin. I have someone who has been with me since I was born, remembers the first day at school as I do, got into trouble with me and who drives me mad but I love a lot at the same time. We're not close, but we share a bond you can't really describe.

I dread the day I'm not a twin and hope I die first (when much, much older) for that reason.

Unfortunately my mother favoured my sister over me and played the bad twin/good twin game (my father is only now realising what went on now my mother has died).

It led to me moving away and getting on with my life and my sister resented that. I think she understands now but it’s left her not so sure of herself in the world and I’m hoping she will change now she doesn’t have our mother wrapping her up in cotton wool.

That thing you do on your birthday is a great idea. I never forget to remind my twin that she is twenty-five minutes older then I am.

I expect we will end up living together again in retirement as neither of us had children or married.

Hectors_House

KeeperOfTheMarsh wrote: »

A friend of mine was recently advised by a grown-up twin to make sure she took photos of each twin individually, as the person advising found it frustrating that they did not have any photos of just themselves to look back on.

The only photos we have of us singly were taken because I spent the first six months of my life in a incubator.

The rest of our lives until we reached adulthood are of us both dressed the same. Our father worked in the clothing trade so made all our clothes so I guess it helped with the cost to make two of everything.

kerri_gt

Deff not relevant as yet but I was at school with twins - their mum always insisted they were put in different classes to encourage them to make their own friends and develop individually rather than a) teachers labelling them as 'the twins' and viewing them as a singular b) so they didn't rely on each other and could enjoy some time being just themselves.