Want to split potentially but no idea where to start

SylvieSylva

I don't know if I'm in the right place or where to start. I apologise if this isn't the right forum. I'm a mother of 2 and live with my partner and our 2 young children. When 'we' bought our house I was supposed to be on the mortgage and deeds and he gave me a load of excuses as to why that wasn't possible, so he did it with his mortgage advisor and he was the sole purchaser. I was heavily pregnant at the time and we agreed that we would create a cohabitation agreement afterwards, after I found this out, having expected to sign the paperwork! He has since been saying after many, many arguments, that he would put me on the mortgage and give me 20% after he had taken out his deposit from the equation. After 6 years of this argument the scales have fallen from my eyes and the disrespect is getting too much as I can now clearly see he never had any intention of including me and maybe never will.

I saw a solicitor last year who stated that he had been clever as I have nothing, not even a text message, confirming that it was a joint purchase. He also wrote me out of his Will, so from that point of view I could only stay in the house if anything happened to him but the kids would inherit, and I need to be sensible about this even if we do sort things out.

My concerns are the usual ones about having little in the way of savings, no financial agreement. He has had any spare cash of mine towards our shared life in the past 12 years.
I work part time in the public sector and am concerned that if I jump ship, I'm not flush with cash and need to plan for it carefully and am now trying to save and consider every possible way of making the pennies count while I consider my options. I know I need to switch mobile provider and open an ISA, I'm unsure whether to up my pension contributions or stop altogether (I'm in my early 40s).
I have been a total idiot, and am scared. It's an expensive area to live in and I want my kids to be okay but equally need to protect myself. Any advice would be gratefully received.

tacpot12

I would suggest you do nothing about your pension payments until your financial situation becomes clearer.

If you going to live seperately, you need to understand whether your children will live with you or their father, and more generally about how they will be cared for and where they will spend their time.

So discuss this with him. Say you no longer want to live together, so need to agree arrangements for the children. This will allow you to see how, via the child maintenance service calculator, how much child maintenance you will pay him or vice versa.

You should also see what help you could get from benefit by entering details of your finances as they will be when you seperately. Be careful about having too many savings, as this can make you ineligible for some benefits.

You need to develop a budget for future financial situation that takes into account all your likely living expenses.

Hope this helps get you started.