This is it, going to tell him tonight about secret debt... terrified!!

katnoluck

Hi all,

You may have seen my previous post about being in a massive £20k of secret debt and on a DMP?

Well I have decided tonight is the night I am confessing to my husband and I feel physically sick with worry. We haven't been getting on well anyway, so I think this is it, he will probably want me to leave.

He is away with work for the night, so I am going to do it by phone call - while he is out of the house (as I don't want my kids hearing the fall out)...

Just wanted to know anyone who may have been through a similar thing? I am leaving for work soon but will post an update later tonight. Thanks in advance for any words of wisdom/advice.

enthusiasticsaver

I haven't read your previous post but I think if you have a plan to sort out your debt issues (DMP) and it does not impact on your husband (no joint accounts?) you have done as much as you can. Hopefully the conversation will go ok. Good luck.

Unicorn_cottage

Hi Katnoluck

I'd try and frame it along the lines of I have got myself in a spot of hot water BUT this is what I am doing to sort it out. Are you having any counselling at all or reached out to friends of family? The best thing to do is to take control by understanding why you have got in to this position and how you can do better in the future. Most of us on here have been there, done that and got the whole wardrobe so you are not alone

Good luck tonight and do report back. It will be a tough conversation but will most likely be a weight off your mind.

Xx

katnoluck

Hello again, Thank you so much for your support. OK I did it. It was a bit rushed, as he had to go down for a dinner. The bottom line is, I said what was going on and that the DMP was in place. I told him he was not connected to any of this and I was not asking him for money etc.

He said OK, 'well if you have found a solution to manage this then fine'. 'I will talk to you more about this when I return'..... I said, look all I am asking for is support (emotional) and not the worry of letters in my name cascading through the door and him finding out that way. And that I would deal with this and finish this myself.

I don't know what will happen when he comes back home but we will see. I am not sure if a weight has been lifted or not, only time will tell. At least it is out there now and he can think things through.

I have supported him through a manner of bad situations over the years and still would. Although things between us are strained (even before the debt issues) but that's another story. I will see if we survive this too. I will post back with an update once he returns and he is face to face. Take care everyone and thanks again x

tallyhoh

I'm the partner of someone who has got into massive debt time & time again. I can assure you that telling him is far, far better than him finding out! Good Luck

bertiewhite

I can assure you that when I was in debt, not telling my wife and trying to sort it out in secret was like trying to swim against the tide as she was still spending, blissfully unaware of our situation.

Even though it wasn't her problem to sort (similar to your situation), having her on board was essential so you've done the right thing.

MovingForwards

Now it's out in the open get your facts and figures together for when your husband is home.

Give details of the debt, how it came about, what you are doing about it and what you are going to do differently to avoid further debt now and in the future.

Unicorn_cottage

MovingForward's advice is spot on. Try and voice it out loud before your husband is home. What is done is done. Good luck x Please report back x

cado1

Well done for telling him, and let's remember no one has died you got your self into debt and your already working on getting out of it !

lightbulbtime

Regardless of whether or not he supports you, telling him is the best thing you could've done for yourself at this stage. I can only imagine the stress you were putting yourself through by trying to go it alone and the fear of your OH finding out.


I myself don't have an OH to go through this with, but I do have a select couple of friends who know the situation and are willing to let me talk through my ideas and issues with them. Looking for positive updates to give them is a good way to motivate myself, I'm sure you'll be the same when you reach milestones in your debt reduction. I'm glad you have a plan of action to show him how you're tackling it and what you need / don't need from him.


Good luck and please do post back x

katnoluck

Just a quick hello. It's so hot I can't sleep - plus with this all playing on my mind. I just want to say thank you, to you all who have been able to comment.

I will update when he gets back and let you know how it all pans out. This site is a tremendous support to me x