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1 month old baby at wedding?
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Your are getting married, and should want your family / friends / children there.
What is it these days with child free weddings??
When my niece got married there was a kids table with colouring / stickers and such like/ Two work collegues came with their small young babies, they were no problem at all, went to the back of the church when one of them started to cry for a few mins, no one batted an eye lid, all too busy watching the bride and groom.
I really hope you enjoy your day, but you need to let go a little.
That was how we planned it at our wedding - Our only concern was kids getting bored
Having said that, I do respect others choices - it is their day and money being spent.
A child-free wedding comes across (to me) as a bit like a show-home. It looks good in the pictures, but it feels cold and not 'real life'.
Anyway, that is my point of view, and I do hope you have a good day Op, however it turns out, but remember, it is not about the one single day - it is about the life
BUT - if you are telling the others bridesmaids not to bring their children - won't that create bad feeling if this other one brings her two?
It'd relieve all the worries about responsibility/duties from now until then + having to worry about if/when I'd be giving birth, how that'd work out and all the logistics of carting babies about for all day events when so new (potentially less than a month old if it comes late).
You could also just have her as a reserve 'maid of honour' - no bridesmaid dress but she'll be dressed up anyway (and maybe in toning colours?) so if she wants to be part of the entourage she can be with no pressure.
Similar to another poster - there was no pressure placed on them (I didn't tell them how heartbroken I would be if they couldn't come!). There were plans in back up plans in place (e.g. my brother possibly just coming for the ceremony and then going home). The baby slept most of the time in her pram, and was silent during the wedding ceremony! We did ensure that they were seated in an area during the ceremony and the wedding breakfast that they could easily leave the room should the baby start crying if they wanted to.
I really think you are over thinking this. I would recommend speaking to your friend and explaining that you are thrilled she still wants to come and be a bridesmaid and you want her to be completely comfortable on the day so you understand if she wants to step down. Discuss could the partner have the baby in the morning and maybe she visits to feed the baby during the morning (or could she express? She may only know this once baby is here and she's in the swing abit more) and whether her partner could be on standby the take baby outside during the ceremony if it becomes distressed.
You will adore looking back and seeing the pictures of your best friends and their baby at your day.