1 month old baby at wedding?
26 replies
9.2K views

180 posts

I am getting married next April (9th) and my best friend and bridesmaid has just told me she is expecting, and the baby is due end of February.
At first I was fine with it but now I am thinking I really don’t want a 1 month old baby at my wedding. For a number of reasons; my friend would have to have the baby with us while we get ready in the morning as she is planning to breastfeed. It could also be a major distraction during the ceremony if it cries and will probably gain a lot of attention. I know it sounds selfish but it’s our day and should the attention not be on me as the bride?! Plus is it really good for the baby to be around so many people and in a loud environment or germs?
She is my oldest friend and I do really want her as my bridesmaid but I just don’t know how to get around the baby factor. Especially as we are having a ‘child free’ wedding with the exception of nieces and nephews who have a role.
Her partner and Mum are invited so they would be there to help out but I’m really not comfortable with it at the moment. She has already requested that she wants to get changed after the ceremony and I just feel like there will be loads of demands I’ll have to cater to because of the baby. Nor do I expect her to want to ‘give up’ her baby just for my day so it’s really difficult.
I know I don’t really have a choice and the baby will probably end up having to be there but hoping there are options.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation or had a 1 month old baby at their wedding?
Thanks
At first I was fine with it but now I am thinking I really don’t want a 1 month old baby at my wedding. For a number of reasons; my friend would have to have the baby with us while we get ready in the morning as she is planning to breastfeed. It could also be a major distraction during the ceremony if it cries and will probably gain a lot of attention. I know it sounds selfish but it’s our day and should the attention not be on me as the bride?! Plus is it really good for the baby to be around so many people and in a loud environment or germs?
She is my oldest friend and I do really want her as my bridesmaid but I just don’t know how to get around the baby factor. Especially as we are having a ‘child free’ wedding with the exception of nieces and nephews who have a role.
Her partner and Mum are invited so they would be there to help out but I’m really not comfortable with it at the moment. She has already requested that she wants to get changed after the ceremony and I just feel like there will be loads of demands I’ll have to cater to because of the baby. Nor do I expect her to want to ‘give up’ her baby just for my day so it’s really difficult.
I know I don’t really have a choice and the baby will probably end up having to be there but hoping there are options.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation or had a 1 month old baby at their wedding?
Thanks
0
Quick links
Essential Money | Who & Where are you? | Work & Benefits | Household and travel | Shopping & Freebies | About MSE | The MoneySavers Arms | Covid-19 & Coronavirus Support
Replies
A few years ago at the wedding of one of my son’s a friend of his wife to be had a month old baby, he was taken out before the service started by his Daddy but for the rest of the time you wouldn’t have known he was there. Yes his parents did leave the wedding early as Mummy was still very tired but she had a lovely day out and was so grateful she was able to be there to witness the wedding and enjoy herself as well as seeing lots of other friends and she could also let them see her baby.
She is your best friend - so be pleased for her and sit down and explain your thoughts re crying etc and work out together a plan. Maybe she wants to get changed after the ceremony in case of excess baby weight, maybe she would rather not be bridesmaid now. Several maybe’s but unless you chat together neither of you will really know what the other one is thinking and worrying about.
It is your day and even if people coo over the little bundle it still won’t make any difference to you. You will still be the centre of attention and have a wonderful day.
A tiny baby is no trouble at all. They will likely sleep throughout.
I can understand your feelings - as the pregnancy goes on, your friend is going to be more interested in herself and then the baby rather than your wedding - and quite rightly.
I would ask her to come to the wedding as a guest and welcome the baby as well and get yourself a new bridesmaid.
Our little one came along as a surprise and I wouldn’t have called myself a “baby person” before having her. Having now been through it all, it is the most amazing, exhausting and difficult experience. Your friend will likely not have slept for weeks, be figuring out how to be a mum and prepare for a wedding.
You risk falling out with your friend over one day. I personally would give her the option to not be a bridesmaid as she will have so much going on. I think she is very brave to still want to come with a 1 month old, I know I would’ve struggled!
As a lot of people have said, the younger the baby the better in a lot of ways. It will mainly just sleep.
Ultimately, she cannot leave her one month old baby, breastfeeding or not. I would never have left mine. So you’ll either need to let her get on with what she’s got to do and understand that may not go according to your plan or give her the option to not be a bridesmaid. Otherwise you run the risk of her not coming at all.
Make it clear to all guests that they are only to look at you.
Anyone caught looking at the baby will be ejected from the ceremony and will not be given a piece of cake wrapped in a paper napkin to take home at the end.
You state: Do you expect your best friend to still be your bridesmaid but this one month old child not be at the wedding?
If you were my best friend and I was your bridesmaid, given how you feel about my child, I'd opt for passing up on my role of bridesmaid and stay at home to be with my child.