Dad's ashes are gone

Woolington

As my mums executor I dealt with with the funeral and the ashes were handed over to me with no involvement from my brother, although we did plan the funeral service between us and made the decision to inter her ashes in her mother and father’s burial plot, so there was no conflict on what to do with them.

so you can imagine how much it hurts not to have been able to take part in the final part of his time on earth. I see it in a very spiritual way!

who is to say what is the right thing is?

it might not be law, but I think most people respect certain codes of conduct. It'd be satisfying to think that there were penalties for behaving badly! even if he'd been apportioned into 4 separate bundles we could have all had our private ceremonies...

Dymphna60

Just a small thought. Although the FD should not be mistaken as the person collecting the ashes has to sign for them and is given some paper work.
If the ? Sister is denying having them could there be a mistake at the FD ? and your dads ashes are still there?

Rainbowgirl84

Blame the right person for behaving badly i.e. the step sister. The funeral home acted in good faith, the step sister abused it.

Robin9

My FD did not get involved in the ashes - they were left in the safe keeping of the Crem until we collected them this week

Keep_pedalling

Robin9 wrote: »

My FD did not get involved in the ashes - they were left in the safe keeping of the Crem until we collected them this week

Thinking about it I believe I had that option, but the FD was more convenient for me.

This article should be of interest to the OP.

https://m.thegazette.co.uk/all-notices/content/100635

Dymphna60

Just been thinking about what I posted.
I didn’t mean anything dramatic like the Ashes have been mixed up just that a member of staff might have said *Jon Smith* I think Ms Smith collected them .

The FD will take instruction about their clients wishes for the ashes . Eg where to collect them , crematorium or FD or even delivered to another place .

getmore4less

Woolington wrote: »

I'm glad you were able to do that very lovely thing Robin9. My family and I are denied this final service to our dad - we can drink as many toasts to him in as many places as he frequented, but we'll never know where he actually rests.

Re administration of the estate being a different thing - doesn't HE, albeit his ashes, represent the estate. In theory, he's become an 'object', but the most precious one of all! it seems totally wrong for one person to decide what becomes of him when he once belonged to us all. It bloody well hurts!

The legal status of bodies/ashes is quite clear.

They are not an asset or property they cannot be owned.

Prior to changes in the law the owner of the place they died was responsible for disposal, more recently this now falls on hospitals and councils if no one else picks up the responsibility

there is a pecking order for who has the right to dispose starting with executors and for intestate the beneficiaries.

The estate is liable for the cost and if not enough then whoever does/instruct the disposal pick up the tab.


This does not help your situation, there are some court cases that deal with disputes which you could look at if you want to consider further actions like trying to get a court order to have the details revealed.

happyandcontented

The person whose name is on the funeral bill has the contract with the FD and they defer to their wishes on the assumption that they act for the whole family.

Manxman_in_exile

I don't understand why you want to sue the FD? (a) you've got nothing to base an action on, and (b) what satisfaction will it give you? You say this is a "spiritual" thing and I suspect that trying to sue anybody will simply prolong the grief and upset you already feel - with no prospect of satisfaction.


The person you should questioning or complaining to is your sister in law.

Flugelhorn

It could well be that whoever arranged the funeral decided to have the ashes scattered at the crematorium - this takes place in the garden of remembrance and not in the presence of family.

We did this for two relatives - we had all travelled a long distance to the service and wouldn't be back to attend an interment, and accepted that whatever was them had gone and the memories were what was important.

Maybe whoever in the family organised the funeral didn't realise that you were expecting anything else to be done with the ashes and hence now feeling rather awkward over what happened.