Autistic, Difficulty Coping with Adapted Kitchen Install - Advice?

CRANKY40

Tell them at the beginning that if you start to feel overwhelmed you will be leaving the room alone for a 5 minute break. Don't wait until you are no longer in control. Leave the room when you start to feel unsettled, calm down then go back in. Make sure that your seat is near to the door to your quiet room. As someone else said, also write down what you want and why. Give everyone a copy and this will give you 5 minutes at the start of the meeting to settle while they are all reading it.

Also in the written plan explain that you have ASD and ask them politely to speak one at a time and quietly.

rach_k

Whenever I've dealt with tradespeople, I've been extra prepared for meetings with all plans printed out, notes added where necessary and pictures of what I like if I don't want a particular item but like a style. I don't have problems talking to people but I do like to make sure they have everything written down so there is no chance of a misunderstanding.

Whenever I've handed stuff over, e.g. a diagram of the house with measurements to a loft conversion guy, a plan showing every electrical socket and light to an electrician, they are surprised but grateful. It must make their job easier too! So I'd say put everything down clearly on paper, with a copy for you and each person present. Add notes and pictures if you think it'll clarify, then sit back and let them sort it. When it's written down, chances are they won't need to talk to you as much!

[Deleted User]

Thank you very much, very helpful suggestions.

The plan is done. Nothing I can do to alter that I believe. Its been difficult enough to get this far.

I think its simply colours now, possibly floor and wall coverings which I haven't got a clue about (what they will do, I'm no stranger to tiling and decorating in the past) and the tap selection (which I don't think they are expecting me to have any input in, have tried to organise this in advance but just hit brick walls). But I will take the advice given and write down why I need a high arc single lever tap. Perfectly happy to pay for it. Mug suggestion is a good one but would rather not have to do the twisting and turning involved, hips are quite bad. I am probably a bit daft, I don't see why the council is happy with paying for Howden's units/partly adapted kitchen and then putting taps in that won't help a quite common problem. The cold water comes out of cold tap at very high pressure so tends to be water sprayed everywhere I would prefer to not have to clean up. Its a 40 year old kitchen right now, but am sure the excess water has helped the worksurfaces go soft around the sink.

I've only been here 18 months, judging by the state of the property, it wasn't well looked after beforehand. Every door has a hole in it, filthy dirty etc. Typical council stock unfortunately. But I know I am lucky to have it. I was in a position to put a kitchen in myself but couldn't get anyone to take the job on because of the difficulties negotiating plans with the council, and even then I couldn't afford to pay the high costs the council was demanding be paid on it, I'm a past DIYer lol.

Thinking about it, I will make a short list of what I think has been agreed upon, and make sure its still agreed to now (lights/plug sockets). No nasty surprises when its too late. That will be difficult to cope with.

Thank you for all your suggestions, it is helping me plan what I need to do.

elsien

If the plan is already done and it's basically choosing wall coverings and colours, I can't see any reason why they would need that number of people to attend any way, what a ridiculous use of staff time.
Can't you email and tell them to choose two or three people to come along with all the relevant samples as you can't cope with more than that.
Council woman, OT (although they seem rather superfluous if the design is now set in stone) and one designer person. That's the most they need. Throw in the phrase "reasonable adjustments" and tell them the number of people is one of the adjustments you need. There are other ways to share information than sitting in a room together.
ETA - if the water pressure out of the tap is too high, your new plumbing should have the screw to adjust it with while leaving the water pressure everywhere else as it is.

skint_chick

I think it's OK to say you will get back to them later in the day if you're not sure about colours and take a photo on your phone of the options. You don't have to decide that minute, a few hours isn't going to make a difference. An oak wood plank effect floor if it's vinyl will look nice with all kinds of kitchen and is better than a pale plain one for not looking dirty. If it's laminate don't go too pale or too dark in colour.

If they tile the splash back then maybe choose plain white tiles or a plain neutral colour because you can get kitchen painted or get cheap accessories to add colour, rather than be stuck with the same coloured ones for the next 15 years.

Write down all the reasons you need the tap, explain clearly how you won't be able to use the kettle easily without it, and how there is a risk of burning if you can't turn the hot tap off easily with arthritis, and how one mixer tap will be much easier to deal with than trying to turn two on and off for washing up etc.

Think about extra plug sockets - in case you suddenly decide you need a new small appliance, and whether any sockets need to be moved if the units are moving around and where your kettle etc will go in the new kitchen. Check the height of the new wall units and whether they will be placed at the same height as your existing ones or higher/lower because that can be adapted to work better for you. If there are corner units are there pullouts because if you have arthritis and struggle bending you need to make sure you can reach your stuff inside the cupboard. Think about what type of handles you want - is a D shaped handle easier than a little ball shaped handle for example. That should be most of the stuff they will ask.

[Deleted User]

Elsien, I completely agree. I don't understand why all these people have to come round, again. They know how bad the previous meeting was.., now there's going to be designers as well lol.

I don't know why. Its Gravesham Council, they just don't seem to give any credence to special needs and what reasonable adjustments are. I'm lucky there's a co-ordinator involved now (I think). I tried to make this point after the last meeting, got nowhere. Tried to find out if there is someone with more know how than me who could communicate with them, the NAS for example, they don't deal with housing issues. The co-ordinators idea of reasonable adjustments is to have the people talk to me one by one (I think). I don't actually know what is going to happen though. Its so badly done. I think that is what is scaring me, it could go quite badly wrong and I end up with no kitchen happening at all cause I can't deal with all the people. Its scary and you feel so helpless.

I do have a very good brain, it just gets overwhelmed .., I hardly go out because of the social difficulties. I don't even go to the hospital for my arthritis any more, Or the GP, couldn't cope with the communication and emotions. I know that's bad news for me, and totally my fault but I just couldn't do it after a few bad experiences.

Update: I've found an email address for the co-ordinator so written a letter asking for more to be decided in advance and less people to attend the meeting as a part of 'reasonable adjustments'.