Autistic, Difficulty Coping with Adapted Kitchen Install - Advice?

[Deleted User]

Hi, before I start, I KNOW I am extremely lucky to have this happening. I have a design meeting happening on 11th (with lots of people) and install is beginning on 15th. I have arthritis, quite nasty breathing problems making lifting things repeatedly difficult, heart problems as well as the ASD.

I have to have a design meeting. I have put kitchens in myself in the past and so know with a bit of creative thinking you can put a surprising amount of storage into a space (legally). This kitchen is being supplied by Howden's (so top quality) but isn't the best use of space.., but well, I'm not paying for it so concentrating on that fact rather than I could do it better if I was designing it lol. I've had the plan for a year.

The reason I am posting is I am looking for tips on how to deal with the various people who I have to talk to in a couple of days to decide on colours etc. There is a co-ordinator and at least three housing people, including an OT going to be present, plus designers. There was a similar meeting last year and I spent most of it curled up in a ball in the lounge unable to cope with all the people. Was overwhelmed, unable to think at all. What I did manage to say was ignored anyway so I don't know if you can understand, felt a bit like on the one hand I should be feeling very lucky but was feeling quite the opposite, like I didn't matter.

This time I have to cope, there is no choice, and I am totally dreading it. There is no one I can have with me. There are no advocate services (I have checked, even phoned the NAS). There is SEAP but they don't have anyone available and they don't speak for you if you can't anyway. I have already told the co-ordinator I would love a black work surface and white units (I know, boring lol). Thinking now I shall write this down, just in case.

But any other advice? I need to try and control the 'shutting down' I do when overwhelmed. I just totally clam up and can't think. I have said I need to speak to people one by one if at all possible, but that might not be possible. I know my ex says, look if you want this, you just have to do it. Which is true.., but I know this is my nightmare scenario.

Because it is so difficult lifting things, I have started emptying the kitchen. No, there is noone to help, I am a complete saddo with no friends and relatives, just the way it is. I have two children who are also autistic. I would appreciate if people didn't suggest I should move into one room in B&B (as was suggested last year) lol, that isn't going to happen!

carly

I would write down exactly how you want your kitchen and list the reasons why you need it designed that way.
Give a copy of your wish list and any "must haves" or " must not haves " to all of the interested parties.
That way you wont have to interract so much on a personal level if you find it difficult , and there will be a permanent hard copy of your wishes for everyone to work from.
Good luck

coffeehound

Seems pretty crass of whoever is organising it to not realise that a large number of people is going to be overwhelming for someone with ASD. Can you put all your choices and requests in an email to the most appropriate person and just arrange to be out when they hold the meeting?

peachyprice

How about writing large cards with what you want on them so that you can just hand them over at appropriate times? Then you can just sit an listen off to the side and throw a card in when necessary.

For example once they start talking work tops have a card ready saying 'I would really like a black worktop please'. Have one ready for how many drawers you want 'I would really like at least 2 deep drawers please'. One for how high you want your cupboards 'I would like my top cupboards no higher than 1.7 metres so I can use all of the shelves please'.

You can write a summary of your wants and needs too but having individual cards means they won't have the faff of trying to find each item on a list and it will make sure none of your key points are missed.

[Deleted User]

I think its a good idea to put your ideas on paper, that way they can be used as a focus for the discussions and you hopefully will feel involved.


Good luck

Takmon

deannatrois wrote: »

I have arthritis, quite nasty breathing problems making lifting things repeatedly difficult, heart problems as well as the ASD.

....

Because it is so difficult lifting things, I have started emptying the kitchen. No, there is noone to help, I am a complete saddo with no friends and relatives,

I saw on another thread you say that you smoke :eek: maybe you should give up smoking because it certainly won't help any breathing problems and you might be able to start doing more.

[Deleted User]

The type of cupboards/plan is already selected. Nothing I can do about that. I do want a single high arc lever tap so can more easily fill a kettle (council always do short taps you can't get a kettle under and I can see two taps on the plan, but they are blocking me saying I would like a single lever high arc tap by saying I can't specify it, even if I offer to pay which i have). Its so badly organised. Its making what should be the most wonderful thing ever feeling like a nightmare.

I can't contact the 'co-ordinator' (who works for the council) she called me via a private number, no email address. She knows the issues I have. When she started reading out the people who would be attending, my heart sank and I just said 'oh no'. It would help if I knew what was going to be discussed. I know colours of floor, units and worksurface is going to come up. I can prepare for that. But no doubt there will be other things and if I'm feeling overwhelmed I will just hide or say go away, I can't cope. How an adult can be like this, I don't know, I hate it.

[Deleted User]

Takmon wrote: »

I saw on another thread you say that you smoke :eek: maybe you should give up smoking because it certainly won't help any breathing problems and you might be able to start doing more.

Thank you, you know, that has never ever occurred to me before. Like a lot of people I do use eliquids now.

gwynlas

If you have difficulties lifting things then I hope you are having a waist height oven so that you do not have to bend and lift from knee height. Again if install happening on 15th isn't a lot of things pre decided?
Second idea to get points you want emphasised down on paper and get the OT on board re athritis and lifting. Deep drawers mean you do not need to go down to shelves.

onwards&upwards

deannatrois wrote: »

The type of cupboards/plan is already selected. Nothing I can do about that. I do want a single high arc lever tap so can more easily fill a kettle (council always do short taps you can't get a kettle under and I can see two taps on the plan, but they are blocking me saying I would like a single lever high arc tap by saying I can't specify it, even if I offer to pay which i have). Its so badly organised. Its making what should be the most wonderful thing ever feeling like a nightmare.

I can't contact the 'co-ordinator' (who works for the council) she called me via a private number, no email address. She knows the issues I have. When she started reading out the people who would be attending, my heart sank and I just said 'oh no'. It would help if I knew what was going to be discussed. I know colours of floor, units and worksurface is going to come up. I can prepare for that. But no doubt there will be other things and if I'm feeling overwhelmed I will just hide or say go away, I can't cope. How an adult can be like this, I don't know, I hate it.

If you have trouble lifting can I suggest you fill the kettle by filling your mugs then emptying them in, it saves water too.

[Deleted User]

Yes, there will be a couple of deep drawers and a waist level oven. I am providing the oven and hob, they provide the unit. Fine with that, enabled me to get one with temp sensors and timers so I won't forget and let things burn. I am dreaming of being a baker again lol (so are the children). So what I am concentrating on, I loved cooking so so much. There is an area where I can sit as well as standing can be difficult (took some negotiating, they wanted to give me a perch stool which would have been painful to use).

I'm sorry, not so good at paragraphs today. Head is a mess. Sorry.