Managing our finances - husband and wife

poshrule_uk

Me and my wife have seperate accounts, we transfer money into a joint account to cover bills and what is left is our own. (she pays in a little extra as she earns more but as I have caught her up a bit I have increased my amount and brought hers down) We also sperately put money into the holiday accoumt, cat account etc but we also know what each other buys as just because we have seperate accounts we are not conducting our lifes in secret! I don't think its fair when I buy my season ticket she should be funding that as its not her thing but at the end of the day different things work for different folks.

Zero_Sum

robatwork wrote: »

What if one side is hopeless at housework and has previous for slovenly behaviour? And the other keeps the house in tip-top condition. Would you suggest separate houses....or that they work together on each other's problems?

Exactly work together. So the one who is good at managing finances looks after the financial side of affairs.

There also an element of tough love. I dont see which I should become jointly responsible for a boat load of debt which originates from prior to meeting each other. You do need to take responsibility for your own actions.

Zero_Sum

robatwork wrote: »

I'll just never get this way of thinking and managing a marriage.

Your money is hers and hers is yours - that's what you agree to in a marriage contract.

I can't help thinking people who need separate accounts feel they have something to hide, or are otherwise embarrassed by what they spend their "fun" money on. Or worse, there's a trust issue at the centre of the relationship.

Also, what do you do about gifts?
Happy birthday, heres a prezzie that you've just bought yourself.

People are still individuals & need a certain level of independance.
Its like these couples who've never had a night away from each other in 30 years & view it as something which should be celebrated. When in reality its the complete opposite.

Rich1976

I find having a joint current account and joint savings ( as well as our own individual current account ) works for us generally.

We have shared financial goals such as holidays , house repairs etc and therefore makes sense to have a joint account for that purpose

We did use to only have one joint current account , separate individual accounts and separate savings accounts but we were finding that because there was a fairly big variation in the 2 salaries, one of us was able to save more than the other or one of us wouldnt have as much left over each month and therefore by the time we were thinking about holidays or something in the house had to be replaced, the person on the lower salary hadn't saved up enough. This was despite the money going into the joint current account was evenly proportioned based on percentages.

So now on my spreadsheet I have one overall income and all the Bill's, standing orders regardless of which one of us they're for such as gym membership all gets deducted from the total income and whatever is left ( total income less total expenditure ) is our personal spending money.

It works for us as I have been unable to find any other fairer way of splitting the finances.

sal1960

We’ve always had a joint account with everything going in there. Sometimes Mr Sal was earning more sometimes I was especially when kids were little and I stayed at home for a few years with just a bit of part time work as and when - we’re both about the same now on pensions - we see it as team money. We have a little cash spending money to buy gifts and fritter generally. Always worked for us !

Sea_Shell

If you can work together as a team, and are on the same page financially, and are working towards common goals, it probably doesn't matter what day to day accounts you hold, in whose name.

Whether that be paying of the mortgage, paying down debt, saving for that next big holiday or new car, or planning your retirement.

Personally, I think these thing are done better, when everything is "in the pot" rather than "mine & yours", but that's just my opinion.

However, if you're not on the same page financially, and especially if your earnings are unequal, for whatever reason, then having "mine & yours" money can become divisive, and you might not be making the most effective use of your money and/or allowances.

Example, if one of you ends up with a large pension pot, and the other a very small one, rather than have contributed into both from a central pot, then one may end up being a taxpayer in retirement, and the other not, rather than being able to BOTH not be taxpayers.

Similar with ISA limits, one may have more than £20,000 to save/invest, but is maxed out. We've got our ISA's balanced equally, regardless of who EARNED the money.

robatwork

Zero_Sum wrote: »

Exactly work together. So the one who is good at managing finances looks after the financial side of affairs.

But that's the equivalent of you just doing all the cleaning. My point is that you pool your (cleaning) resources and you help your partner learn how to clean. Together.

Zero_Sum wrote: »

Also, what do you do about gifts?
Happy birthday, heres a prezzie that you've just bought yourself.

Gifts are lovely but grand gestures are necessary in a marriage. So just buy what you want with cash or paypal. Sure your partner can perhaps see how much you've spent but so what?

Or is your issue that when bought from a joint account, your partner has in effect funded her own present? To which I say it really is the thought that counts, and being married kinda obviates the need for "generous" gestures to do with money. There are plenty of other generous things you can do that show far more how you feel than spending money.

robatwork

Sea_Shell wrote: »

However, if you're not on the same page financially, and especially if your earnings are unequal, for whatever reason, then having "mine & yours" money can become divisive, and you might not be making the most effective use

Not disagreeing with you here. Surely the point of marriage is sharing everything, and if you aren't ready to share your finances then you aren't ready for marriage. Perhaps cohabitation would suit better.

I realise I am probably old fashioned in this view, but I really wonder if people thinking about marriage really discuss money properly before taking the plunge. It's a big plunge.

Zero_Sum

robatwork wrote: »

Not disagreeing with you here. Surely the point of marriage is sharing everything, and if you aren't ready to share your finances then you aren't ready for marriage. Perhaps cohabitation would suit better.

I realise I am probably old fashioned in this view, but I really wonder if people thinking about marriage really discuss money properly before taking the plunge. It's a big plunge.

I have a friend who had your approach which ultimately was the main cause for their break up as she used to just spend spend spend money they didnt have.

Zero_Sum

robatwork wrote: »

But that's the equivalent of you just doing all the cleaning. My point is that you pool your (cleaning) resources and you help your partner learn how to clean. Together.



Gifts are lovely but grand gestures are necessary in a marriage. So just buy what you want with cash or paypal. Sure your partner can perhaps see how much you've spent but so what?

Or is your issue that when bought from a joint account, your partner has in effect funded her own present? To which I say it really is the thought that counts, and being married kinda obviates the need for "generous" gestures to do with money. There are plenty of other generous things you can do that show far more how you feel than spending money.

Whats wrong with say one doing all the cleaning and then other doing say all of cooking?

And yes its that they have in effect funded their own present. You still need a bit of independance otherwise if you do split your going to struggle on your own