Money Moral Dilemma: Should my husband pay more towards bills while I'm on maternity leave?

onwards&upwards

Wizzbang wrote: »

This utter rubbish could only be spouted by a [STRIKE]man or a childless woman. [/STRIKE] misogynist.

Your ignorance shows!

Corrected that far you.

Most people are nowhere near this ignorant regardless of their gender or whether they have kids,

pollypenny

Wizzbang wrote: »

This utter rubbish could only be spouted by a man or a childless woman. Who are you to know that these poor women weren't sat with their head over the toilet bowl for months and months? Or regularly passing out? Or any one of a huge number of other complications that can go with being pregnant? I genuinely don't believe that there's a woman alive that has a 'cushy time' being pregnant - for God's sake - they are growing another human being, it's completely knackering, you are running to the loo every 5 minutes, you need to eat more, some women get pelvic pain problems and I could go on and on.

Your ignorance shows!

Not necessarily.

A newly appointed Head of Department announced her pregnancy within days. I was second in the very big department and basically ran it from then until the time she gave in her notice the week before she was due back after maternity leave. Of course I only got the temporary promotion and salary while madam was on maternity leave, not the months of sickness before.

To make things worse, she kept insisting that she wanted to do timetable, class allocation and book order herself. She didn't and I ended up having to do important things at the last minute.

I've had two children so I do know what's like to be pregnant.

Comms69

Wizzbang wrote: »

This utter rubbish could only be spouted by a man or a childless woman. Who are you to know that these poor women weren't sat with their head over the toilet bowl for months and months? Or regularly passing out? Or any one of a huge number of other complications that can go with being pregnant? I genuinely don't believe that there's a woman alive that has a 'cushy time' being pregnant - for God's sake - they are growing another human being, it's completely knackering, you are running to the loo every 5 minutes, you need to eat more, some women get pelvic pain problems and I could go on and on.

Your ignorance shows!

Because you know men never see when their partner is doing well and not so well during pregnancy....

Superfast_Gran

For Goodness sake! What the devil are you playing at? Either you're a team and pool your resources ie "ours", or you're in a business partnership. Or you don't trust each other and one or both of you are covering your backs in case a get out is needed.

My husband and I have been married 27 years next month and have totally pooled everything from the get go. There is no mine or his. If either of us need anything, we get it. If it's something substantial, we discuss it.

Going "dutch" on financial stuff continuously is not something I would recommend for contributing towards a stable relationship.

Get a grip!!!!

Robisere

Bravo Superfast_Gran!

Marriage is a partnership between two people who wanted to be together because they love each other. Totally unlike a business partnership, it is not a commercial undertaking, it depends on each partner treating the other equally, giving and accepting (not taking!) in equal measure.

What is the point of marriage, whether it be the time-honoured way or a Civil partnership, if there is no intent to share? My wife and I have been married for 30 years this August, second time for us both and for both it is the sharing marriage: joint bank accounts, savings accounts, every expense shared and no secrets.

I feel sorry for those who keep their earnings and expenses separate. It simply does not work as well as it should, there is no real honesty there and the door is open for keeping things from each other.

Mattandhel

I would say so. When me and my hubby met we earned equal amounts. I'd never had a joint account and refused to have one. When I fell pregnant (only 3 months after we met) my hubby was adamant that we should share as one person would have to take a step back to look after the baby as we didn't believe in putting him in nursery all week. That was 10 years ago and my hubbys income has increased dramatically since then. I went back to work 20 hours a week till the little guy was 3 and then back up to 30 hours. My hubby has always maintained you can't have separate money and be happy if it means one person suffers. He now takes home over £1000 per week and I only £1200 a month. All the money goes into the same account and we share what's left after the bills. I would sit down and have a discussion with your hubby and suggest you share funds and if that doesn't work then maybe suggest he takes some paternity leave then you can head back to work early

NeilCr

Robisere wrote: »

I feel sorry for those who keep their earnings and expenses separate. It simply does not work as well as it should, there is no real honesty there and the door is open for keeping things from each other.

Sorry, but I feel this is really condescending. It's this type of post and the one from Superfast Granthat I was referring to earlier.

I know a number of couples that have separate finances and their relationships are absolutely rock solid and they are as honest with each other as the day is long. My marriage was absolutely fine from the financial point of view (we just grew apart for other reasons) and we worked that way, too.

Whatever works for you as a couple works for you. Personally, I find the sort of relationship where couples do everything together and know exactly what the other person is doing every second of the day rather odd. But I have friends who live like that and they are happy. I'd never go round saying "I feel sorry for them"

There is no "better" way of how a relationship works. I think it's a shame that some folks feel theirs is somehow superior to others.

Pollycat

Robisere wrote: »

Bravo Superfast_Gran!

Marriage is a partnership between two people who wanted to be together because they love each other. Totally unlike a business partnership, it is not a commercial undertaking, it depends on each partner treating the other equally, giving and accepting (not taking!) in equal measure.

What is the point of marriage, whether it be the time-honoured way or a Civil partnership, if there is no intent to share? My wife and I have been married for 30 years this August, second time for us both and for both it is the sharing marriage: joint bank accounts, savings accounts, every expense shared and no secrets.

I feel sorry for those who keep their earnings and expenses separate. it simply does not work as well as it should, there is no real honesty there and the door is open for keeping things from each other.

From what I've read on here, whichever way you organise your finances can work - as long as both parties are in agreement and don't feel they are paying too much compared to the other partner.
It doesn't work when you have to ask someone if they think it's fair - because the need to ask the question is a clear indication that you don't think the arrangement is fair.

colinlyne

I would divorce you if you were expecting that of me!

ska_lover

YES!!!

YES he should be paying more.

He is taking you for a MUG.

Sort it out, pronto