Urgent Advice: Ex keeps demanding more child money

System

How often do you have the kids? That should be factored into your payments.

Socajam

shanestocks wrote: »

Thank you for help everyone. We have agreed on £350 and I have mentioned to her that the case on it is closed. I won't be giving anymore and it'll be dealt through CMS if she demands more in future.

I would let her take me to court, that way you will have a fixed sum and have your visiting rights legally settled.
Do not let this woman (and I am a woman) take your for a ride over your emotions for your daughter. At the end of the day, where will it end.
Do not tell the court that you could afford 500, because what you have to bear in mind is that when you have your daughter, you will have costs as well. Let them determine a figure, because at the end of the day, you have to life as well.
I agree with helping for school trips, uniforms etc, but I would pay the money directly to the school and the store where the uniform is bought.
Also agree to buy 2 sets of uniform and the rest is on the mother.
Maybe she needs to learn to live within her means and if that is hard, find a job. You are not her bank so that she gets to live a certain lifestyle. Your responsibility is to your daughter only and to try and have a reasonable relationship with the mother, which does not mean taking all your money.

Comms69

Socajam wrote: »

I would let her take me to court, that way you will have a fixed sum and have your visiting rights legally settled.
Do not let this woman (and I am a woman) take your for a ride over your emotions for your daughter. At the end of the day, where will it end.
Do not tell the court that you could afford 500, because what you have to bear in mind is that when you have your daughter, you will have costs as well. Let them determine a figure, because at the end of the day, you have to life as well.
I agree with helping for school trips, uniforms etc, but I would pay the money directly to the school and the store where the uniform is bought.
Also agree to buy 2 sets of uniform and the rest is on the mother.
Maybe she needs to learn to live within her means and if that is hard, find a job. You are not her bank so that she gets to live a certain lifestyle. Your responsibility is to your daughter only and to try and have a reasonable relationship with the mother, which does not mean taking all your money.

That's not how it works.


The CMS can take payment and never see the inside of a court.


Child contact is a separate issue - though overnight contact would lower the amount.

hb2

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

One thing you could make clear, to her and the children, is that if there are ever any activities the children would like to take part in that you are willing to consider funding them, for example, school trips, uniformed activities, sports etc.

but you may want to ensure that you pay for these direct, rather than via mum.

You could also offer an (at least) annual trip for school uniform, school shoes etc.

I second this as it is clear that you want to ensure your children have what they need, without subsidising the ex's lifestyle.

bertiewhite

lixhul wrote: »

I don't want to, because I'm pretty sure the money is to fund her lifestyle, although I'm not 100%.

My question is £300 enough?

Surely, you must have a rough idea of what you were spending on your kids when you were together 4 months ago?

Comms69

bertiewhite wrote: »

Surely, you must have a rough idea of what you were spending on your kids when you were together 4 months ago?

However... let's be fair about this.


It's not £300 or even £600 because many of the costs are lumped together in terms of housing. Additionally at least some of the money is coming from the state.


Is £600 enough to feed clothe and house (proportionately) a child. Maybe.

unforeseen

But the s the remaining amount sufficient to house, clothe and feed yourself?

System

Stop being a drunk Captain. Both of you will choose to spend extra on your child. If you have 50/50 custody you owe nothing, if it's a larger amount of time with you ex, then you have to work with the child support calculator on a sliding scale. In the end, you can choose to buy that extra pair or shoes or whatever whenever she is with you. Stick to the calculator and don't allow your ex to push you into financing more of her lifestyle.

TBagpuss

Socajam wrote: »

I would let her take me to court, that way you will have a fixed sum and have your visiting rights legally settled.
Do not let this woman (and I am a woman) take your for a ride over your emotions for your daughter. At the end of the day, where will it end.
Do not tell the court that you could afford 500, because what you have to bear in mind is that when you have your daughter, you will have costs as well. Let them determine a figure, because at the end of the day, you have to life as well.
.

Contact and maintenace are two separate issues, and the courts do not deal with maintenace (except in the small number of cases where the CMS doesn't have jrisdiction)

So for maintenace, use the CMS calcuator and pay by standing order with the paymetns lablled 'Child Support' or something similar.

Cpontact is determined by the corut if you can't agree. You can ask her to confirm in writing whatever pattern you agree.

If she threatens to stop contact if you don't pay meore, make sure (if that is a text or message) that you screenshot or keep a copy - court's are very unhappy with people using their children in this way and it will not help her case if she is shown to be stopping contact for finacial motives.

You can offer to pay more thn the CMS amoubnt, or to pay directly for things like school clothes etc. Be aware however that demanding details of how the mony is spent is not appropriate. It is not ringfenced for 'onbly stuff solely for the child', it forms part of your ex's total income out of which she is paying for housing, bills etc including those for your child.

In other words, her lifestyle isn't really relavant to what you pay.

Maxwell007

child-maintenance.awscmg-dev.dwpcloud.uk/options/calculate-child-maintenance