Laws around protecting assets in event of breakups and kids

maman

ska_lover wrote: »

Having said that, there are still some younger couples who operate in the 'shared pot' way. I know a couple where the man is the main bread winner and, after they got married - the wife constantly monitors expenditure and gets text alerts when something is spent. He gets a tongue lashing whilst he is standing in the petrol station forecourt for filling up his car to get to work. - Needless to say these people are not close friends of ours these days

:rotfl:


I shouldn't laugh because it's sad.


I know a young woman who although a graduate has chosen to work as a cleaner because it's easy and fits her chosen lifestlye. Her DH is the breadwinner. She does all the domestic chores, even buying his clothes and putting them out for him to wear. Just like his mother used to do.


What bothers me is the dreadful example she's setting for her DD.:(

ska_lover

maman wrote: »

:rotfl:


I shouldn't laugh because it's sad.


I know a young woman who although a graduate has chosen to work as a cleaner because it's easy and fits her chosen lifestlye. Her DH is the breadwinner. She does all the domestic chores, even buying his clothes and putting them out for him to wear. Just like his mother used to do.


What bothers me is the dreadful example she's setting for her DD.:(

Wow. Putting his clothes out to wear. OH LORDY

I find it all really puzzling, and is why we distanced ourselves from the couple I was talking about. They are good friends at one point. They too have a child, and you are right, it is concerning, the example they are setting to their children.

It baffles me it really does, that a woman would chose a job (where she could obviously do better) because it is just easier for her. It is just putting extra strain on the guy so she can have an easier life.

I do not understand the women who do this to guys they say they love, and I don't understand the men who put up with this.

I mean like you, I understand in times of illness or small children, where both partners cannot pull their full weight, and the other steps up...but these we are talking about, are lifestyle choices

Its a strange old world isnt it

I wouldn't want a 'shared pot' even if my husband earned ten times more than me. I like my own money and spending it (or saving it, a i am tight as a ducks behind) however I like.. I think that comes from the 15 years spent as a single parent, (before I met my husband) the ferocious independence.

ska_lover

There are some old fashioned views on money arent there, and talking of such - I remember years ago my nan telling me this

''The woman should always have secret cash that the man doesn't know about''

She never told me why she thought this, as she was happily married all her life for 60 years before she passed - and she had never worked, as was the tradition in her era. Maybe she thought in terms of if a lady were to need to escape DV etc

But she never had a bank account and her only ''income'' would have been housekeeping money as she called it (and I never have worked out what housekeeping money actually means) . She used to keep cash in random places, coat pockets, in a tea pot, shoved in ornaments

I don't have secret cash my OH doesnt know about. He doesnt know the exact figure in my account - but he could probably take a close guess, & I dont have secret savings etc

Does anyone have secret savings from their partners?

POPPYOSCAR

maman wrote: »

:rotfl:


I shouldn't laugh because it's sad.


I know a young woman who although a graduate has chosen to work as a cleaner because it's easy and fits her chosen lifestlye. Her DH is the breadwinner. She does all the domestic chores, even buying his clothes and putting them out for him to wear. Just like his mother used to do.


What bothers me is the dreadful example she's setting for her DD.:(

There is nothing wrong with that if she is happy to do it and so is he.

He more than likely does all the things she does not like /want to do.

It is a question of what works for them not some politically correct ideal.

maman

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

There is nothing wrong with that if she is happy to do it and so is he.

He more than likely does all the things she does not like /want to do.

It is a question of what works for them not some politically correct ideal.

You're right that it's personal choice but I'm still disappointed that she's happy to waste her educational opportunities in that way but more importantly for me that she's a poor role model for her DD.

Of course that's just my opinion. It's not about political correctness more about turning back the clock. Why educate girls?

onwards&upwards

ska_lover wrote: »

It baffles me it really does, that a woman would chose a job (where she could obviously do better) because it is just easier for her. It is just putting extra strain on the guy so she can have an easier life.

I do not understand the women who do this to guys they say they love, and I don't understand the men who put up with this.

Why is the woman getting all the blame? Maybe it makes the guy’s life easier to not have to worry about anything domestic or household budget or childcare related because his wife does it all?

onwards&upwards

ska_lover wrote: »

''The woman should always have secret cash that the man doesn't know about''

She never told me why she thought this, as she was happily married all her life for 60 years before she passed - and she had never worked, as was the tradition in her era. Maybe she thought in terms of if a lady were to need to escape DV etc

That’s exactly what it was. There was little to no support for women in that situation when they were younger, and they wouldn’t have known their husbands as well before marriage as women do now, so it was sensible to have what my grandma still calls her ‘running away money’.

POPPYOSCAR

maman wrote: »

You're right that it's personal choice but I'm still disappointed that she's happy to waste her educational opportunities in that way but more importantly for me that she's a poor role model for her DD.

Of course that's just my opinion. It's not about political correctness more about turning back the clock. Why educate girls?

Do you think that an education is only for work purposes?

I would say not.

Why should she just because she is a graduate do a job she might be utterly miserable in when she is happy to be a cleaner?

The world needs cleaners just as much as any other job.

My mother did all the housework my father never ever did, it has not made me the same.

Our daughter has seen us both doing various different chores around the house. Her boyfriend loves cooking and cleaning so she lets him do it(and is pleased to do so)!

I cannot see what the problem is if it works for the relationship.

macman

OP, don’t think that a pre-nup will protect your capital. They are not recognised as binding under English law, and rightly so. They are simply regarded as an expression of wishes, which may be taken into account in the division of assets. Entirely discretionary.

Soot2006

This is such an odd thread. No one can see the future or predict the type of relationship you might develop. A friend of mine in his 40's met his "dream woman" ten years younger than him, started a relationship (never married). They had two boys. I remember he was often concerned about his assets, but it turned into a non-issue because she moved to Scotland with a younger, handsomer, and richer bloke and left her kids behind. That was 5 years ago. Youngest is now 6 years old and visits his mum in the summer but lives with dad full time here in Brighton. It's all he's ever known. Not at all how my friend imagined his middle- and old-age to look, raising two boys by himself. She pays maintenance but has no other real interest in engaging with them.