Getting cold feet prior to exchange

dgerrard

My wife and I have had an offer accepted on a house. I feel awful about this, but I’m getting serious cold feet. At the time the house seemed like a good idea, but now in the light of day some of the negatives are really standing out to me.

My wife is an eternal optimist, and she’s happily looking at sites all about how to furnish a new home, while I’m googling “home buyers remorse”, “pulling out before exchange”, “how soon can I sell a house after buying”, etc. We’ve talked through how I feel about it, and I do hope I’m over-reacting to my negative mindset, but we’ve got the homebuyers survey results coming this week and I can’t help feeling hopeful that they’ll be negative enough to pull out.

I felt this way before the last two times we moved, and pulled out of renting certain properties because I didn’t feel “it”. The places we eventually took, I felt “it” despite various flaws. This house, I just don’t feel “it”.

Pros and Cons of the house

Pros
Biggest pro is, it’s a four minute walk from two of our closest friends’ house. It’s the whole reason we were looking in the area.

Reception room is massive, amazing entrance to the house and easily the biggest selling point.
All been refurbished in the last 5 years or so, looks like a new build on the inside

Great travel links, into central London in 45 minutes, wife’s commute and travel costs reduced

Nice sized back garden, south facing

Nice parks and woods within easy walking distance.

Gas hob and central heating.

Cons
Biggest pro is also biggest con: friends have been in their house for four years, pregnant with new baby, have just finished all sorts of refurbishments. They paid around £100k less for theirs than what we’re about to pay, and I could easily see them moving within the next two years. If they move, we know nobody in the area.

Terraced house. One of our big “we never want to compromise on this” factors was never getting a terraced, as it feels so boxed in. Still does.

No real master bedroom. Two what I would call guest bedrooms and a large loft conversion. I work from home so had hoped for a home office, but I think we’ll need to use one bedroom purely for the bed, another purely for clothes, and then the loft. I’m not even certain if we’ll be able to fit a double bed in either of the bedrooms, due to their wonky shape.

Loft conversion: ceiling very low. I’m tall, and I can’t stand up straight in it. Wife can though, so we just figure this will be her space.

Areas purely suburban. No decent restaurants, cafes, pubs within a 20 minute walk. Where we are now, we’ve got three pubs and four nice restaurants all within 5 minute walk.

Not on a MAIN main road, but it’s right at the intersection of multiple side roads. We want to get an outdoor cat, and I’m worried about the amount of traffic.

Bathroom and kitchen are both smaller than what we have now, in a one-bed flat. Bathroom I’m not super worried about as we never take baths anyway, but we’re really foodie and the smaller kitchen bothers me.

No dishwasher, and the EA doesn’t believe that there’s room for one. Not about the width, but the length of the door, not sure it would work without removing cupboards opposite to accommodate the door opening.

Close to London, and we’ve already lived in London for the past 9 years. I feel kind of tired of the city life, and would like something more out in the country. The reports of knocking years off your life expectancy from breathing all the polluted air aren’t helping things either.

Cost: after all of the above, it’s RIGHT at the top of our price range. Was priced at £350-375, we’re paying 355. Tried to negotiate down but apparently there were other offers at 350 (which I now suspect were not real).


With all the above: I just feel like I’m staring down the barrel of the next 25 years in a house I don’t love. Instead of counting the days before moving in, I’m hoping it all falls through. The only reason I’m not immediately pulling the plug myself, is that my wife seems so taken with the place and is already planning a life for us there. I don’t want to be selfish and my main desire in life is for her to be happy, and in the end I can swallow the cons as she’s so taken with the pros. There’s just a little voice in the back of my head saying, “but what about what YOU want, man?”

I don't know. Is all of this normal?

EDIT: Removed floorplans, felt a bit much.

anselld

Loft conversion you cannot stand up in sounds dodgy. Have you checked the paperwork approvals?

AnotherJoe

No dishwasher would be a killer for me. No joke. First because there's no dishwasher, second because that speaks to how small the kitchen must be.
Also, is moving merely to be right near your friends a good idea? As you point out, if they move you would appear to have no reason whatsoever to be moving there, you dont like the area or the house ! That only leaves your friends who the day you move in could tell you they are moving.
Listen to your instincts and be grateful they are telling you to get out now before it's irrevocable.

Yellow_mango

First impressions from your post - you REALLY don’t love this house. As somewhere to live for a few years it might do, but I can’t see it being your forever home.

It’s considerate to try to compromise with your wife, but this feels like a compromise too far tbh.

FWIW, we looked at a few places before the one we finally bought. Several of them I would have been happy to offer on (and got close to doing so) and jump straight into planning how we would live there. My husband was far slower to commit and found many reasons it wasn’t “it”. When we found “it” we both knew, and there was little hesitation.

It may be that your wife is just very good at jumping in and planning and making the best of things, but isn’t necessarily actually all that emotionally tied to this house. Do you get the impression she really loves it? Or is she just a little more willing to compromise than you?

Keep talking to her, and keep looking at other places. Maybe you’ll find somewhere that clicks better for both of you.

AnotherJoe

Might be obvious but talk to your wife. It wouldn't be the first time each partner has agreed to something like this faking enthusiasm thinking it was the other who wanted it. What a catastrophe when after a few years there you both found out you hated it and had only gone along for the sake of your partner. And even if she really is up for it would she want to press you into a house and area you hate ?

-taff

If you don't like anything about the house then don't buy it. What's the point of being miserable there? If you do, and you still regret it, you could end up blaming your wife because your mind will change to how much you compormised for her, rather than you both liking somewhere.

pattypan4

pull out while you can. You don`t like the house, you will not get to love it. The office space and bedrooms for starters, being hemmed in. You would have to build an extension in the future and you have a neighbour each side. Wise words from another Joe, I came to my present house because my husband loved it. I like it, now widowed but it is entirely not suitable and I am moving with all the stress included. My husband would never have wanted that

Angelschild

If your biggest pro is being near friends who cannot guarantee they are staying in the area I would say that's a no from the off!

davidmcn

How many properties did you view before choosing this one?

[Deleted User]

What exactly are your immediate plans? You say you want a house out in the country but also that your wife works in London. Would your wife consider relocating somewhere? You say shes an optimistic person so might be up for the idea.

Its worth broaching the subject with her.

The problem is you said yourself you're tired of London, so the issue might not be with the house but the fact you just want to get away from the city life.

I agree buying a house somewhere just because your friends live there is not a good idea.

Doozergirl

You need to be quite clear on what you do want before you upset your wife!

Some of your pros/cons are contradictory of each other. Living near London/ far from London is a big point! Will she be happy to move away? That's the main point. If you can't get a larger house that isn't a terraced house in budget, then there are clear compromises to make.

We all know you can get more for your money away from London, but places with caf!s, bars and restaurants also have pollution!

Will you know anyone in this 'away from London' place? I see that friends are an issue as you're anxious the current ones will move, but once you've been somewhere for a couple fo years, you should be making new friendships too!

I'm not sure why you think that house needs to last 25 years? Things change; priorities change, jobs change, salaries change, relationships change, families grow!

If it isn't the house, it isn't the house, but the area you live in is a pretty big deal, especially if it means moving jobs as well.