Help!

dizzytina

I agree withSncjw i'm afraid. I'm sure we aren't telling you anything you don't already know. I understand that you must have your reasons for staying with him and that's up to you. What i would say if it was my partner is that If he doesn't want to work then that's his choice however if he wants to live or buy things then he has to use any money he generates himself not money I've earned.

I'm sure most of us would like to choose not to work however unfortunately its necessary if we want to have a house, independence and a life.

I hope you manage to turn things around but please make sure you value yourself and make sure your partner values you too.

MovingForwards

As your debts are under 20k and you are renting look at a DRO, unless your job / career will not permit it.

As for your OH, kick the guy into touch or consider calling it a day; it's one thing being between jobs it's another when he isn't even trying - sorry, it won't get any better.

James1968

If he gets UC, it will usually be a joint claim as you are married. This means any sick pay you get will affect his benefits. He will also have to actually job hunt and log it on his UC account.

The bonus to all this hassle is that you should get housing benefit and Council Tax reduction, so reducing your out goings.

Candyapple

So you each owe circa £20k. Do you have anything to sell from it to recoup some of the money?

How did your husband get £20k in debt given that he doesn't work? Has he never worked in his adult life or did something happen?

Would he be willing to get a job now given the situation to help repay the debts?

If he's not working due to disability / illness how comes he isn't claiming ESA / DLA / PIP?

You definitely need to redo the SOA with your new sick pay income / outcome of any benefits.
http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

sourcrates

Hi,


If you didnt have the 6k car, then you could both do a DRO, assuming you meet all the other criteria, as its the perfect time to do one, when he is out of work, and you are off sick.

Bankrupcy a possible option, however two fee`s would be payable for both of you.

I`d run your situation past National Debtline and see what they recomend.

Exodi

honey10 wrote: »

I have 200mb broadband, but it is necessary, the lower would begin to throttle with the amount used.

Yeah that seems perfectly reasonable, assuming, of course, that your house acts as a backup data centre for Google... 200mb?! Seriously? You know this is one of the fastest retail broadband deals available?

What could you possibly need an internet connection that ridiculous for? Mine is 1/8th of that and allows me and my partner to separately stream in HD whilst they play Fortnite with no issues downstairs.

I'm going to guess your unemployed partner is a gamer hence the wildly over the top internet? You also mention he doesn't want to work? Naturally this is in stark contrast to everyone else that enjoys waking up early and going to work everyday.

I won't sugarcoat what I think you should do; leave him and declare bankruptcy.

Oh and cancel you're absolutely f***ing pants on head internet.

honey10

Exodi wrote: »

Yeah that seems perfectly reasonable, assuming, of course, that your house acts as a backup data centre for Google... 200mb?! Seriously? You know this is one of the fastest retail broadband deals available?

What could you possibly need an internet connection that ridiculous for? Mine is 1/8th of that and allows me and my partner to separately stream in HD whilst they play Fortnite with no issues downstairs.

I'm going to guess your unemployed partner is a gamer hence the wildly over the top internet? You also mention he doesn't want to work? Naturally this is in stark contrast to everyone else that enjoys waking up early and going to work everyday.

I won't sugarcoat what I think you should do; leave him and declare bankruptcy.

Oh and cancel you're absolutely f***ing pants on head internet.

According to our ISP, there was around 900GB downloaded last month. I don't know what he's doing while I'm not here, but yes, he's a gamer.
I am trying to leave him, however, it's not easy when everything here is in my name, and I'm in the position I am health wise.

dizzytina wrote: »

I agree withSncjw i'm afraid. I'm sure we aren't telling you anything you don't already know. I understand that you must have your reasons for staying with him and that's up to you. What i would say if it was my partner is that If he doesn't want to work then that's his choice however if he wants to live or buy things then he has to use any money he generates himself not money I've earned.

I'm sure most of us would like to choose not to work however unfortunately its necessary if we want to have a house, independence and a life.

I hope you manage to turn things around but please make sure you value yourself and make sure your partner values you too.

Thank you, for that last part mostly. It's not an easy situation.

Sncjw wrote: »

I’m sorry but he going to have to get his bum into gear. I wouldn’t be with someone who doesn’t want to work and gets yourself into debt and cause so much worry.


You say he didn’t attend a benefits meeting. So why would he be likely to go to this one.

He needs to step up. Is he the one buying all the stuff to get you both into so much debt. How have you managed
To get into this debt when he doesn’t work.

Sounds like he is sponging off you.

Sorry if I’m harsh but I think it needs to be said

Harsh, but true :-)

James1968 wrote: »

If he gets UC, it will usually be a joint claim as you are married. This means any sick pay you get will affect his benefits. He will also have to actually job hunt and log it on his UC account.

The bonus to all this hassle is that you should get housing benefit and Council Tax reduction, so reducing your out goings.

It's the job hunting thats the issue here unfortunately!!

Candyapple wrote: »

So you each owe circa £20k. Do you have anything to sell from it to recoup some of the money?

How did your husband get £20k in debt given that he doesn't work? Has he never worked in his adult life or did something happen?

Would he be willing to get a job now given the situation to help repay the debts?

If he's not working due to disability / illness how comes he isn't claiming ESA / DLA / PIP?

You definitely need to redo the SOA with your new sick pay income / outcome of any benefits.
http://www.stoozing.com/calculator/soa.php

He's not ill or disabled, just doesn't feel like doing anything. Anytime he does apply for anything, his CV is just intentionally that bad to put off any potential employer.

My £20k is on CC from living, for the last 3 years. I believed the "yeah, I'm applying, won't be long now" for waaaay too long.

The only thing worth anything is the car, on HP, which I use for work, so wouldn't be financially sensible to get rid of it.


Thank you all!!!

Tropically

Why did you marry this person? Does he do the housework and the cooking etc.?

There are plenty of opportunities to make money online, if he doesn't want to get out of the house.

katsu

How long will you be on LT sick? Do you know when you are likely to be able to return to work? That might affect the logic of keeping the car.

Is his CV intentionally bad or is he just stuck because he has no work history? Can you talk to him about the debt situation and what you both might do to keep a roof over your heads and food in the house? See if you both can agree what to do, eg you will do surveys online whilst off sick to make some money that can help fund groceries and he will say apply for part time hours with local cleaning firms/other work that is not requiring specific experience and skills that he doesn't have? I would think he should be able to get some hours as an office cleaner/local supermarket/warehouse. Has he ever worked?

I assume you are saying in reality the debts are in your name as if he isn't working, how would he get credit?

onwards&upwards

honey10 wrote: »

According to our ISP, there was around 900GB downloaded last month. I don't know what he's doing while I'm not here, but yes, he's a gamer.
I am trying to leave him, however, it's not easy when everything here is in my name, and I'm in the position I am health wise.



Thank you, for that last part mostly. It's not an easy situation.



Harsh, but true :-)



It's the job hunting thats the issue here unfortunately!!



He's not ill or disabled, just doesn't feel like doing anything. Anytime he does apply for anything, his CV is just intentionally that bad to put off any potential employer.

My £20k is on CC from living, for the last 3 years. I believed the "yeah, I'm applying, won't be long now" for waaaay too long.

The only thing worth anything is the car, on HP, which I use for work, so wouldn't be financially sensible to get rid of it.


Thank you all!!!

Get in touch with Women’s Aid.

This meets the definition of financial abuse, I would have thought, and they may be able to give you some advice/support on leaving safely.

However difficult being alone would be, it will definitely be better than your current situation.

The debt can wait, your mental health and wellbeing is much more important.

Read these:

https://www.womensaid.org.uk/information-support/what-is-domestic-abuse/financial-abuse/

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-32430816

https://www.businessinsider.com/what-is-financial-abuse-2018-6?r=US&IR=T