What are a daughters rights when mum dies

Iwanttobefree

74jax wrote: »

Do you mean the sister is the undertaker?

No.

Looking online there appears to be zero regulation and anyone can set up as one.

unforeseen

Mojisola wrote: »

The FD can't make a contract with the deceased - a living person has to sign the paperwork.

My parents had pre-paid funeral plans but I still had to sign the FD's contract.

Whoever instructs the FD regardless of who's paying controls the FD's actions

There may have been a funeral plan but somebody living has to instigate it and therefore takes control of the process. The only thing they can not do is overrule any instructions in the will.

Mojisola

unforeseen wrote: »

Whoever instructs the FD regardless of who's paying controls the FD's actions

There may have been a funeral plan but somebody living has to instigate it and therefore takes control of the process.

That's what I said.

unforeseen

Mojisola wrote: »

That's what I said.

But you didn't mention

The only thing they can not do is overrule any instructions in the will.

Mojisola

An executor can arrange a different funeral.

I could put in my will that I want a funeral service at Westminster Abbey or some set-up that costs more than my estate - my executor isn't obliged to enact those instructions.

getmore4less

unforeseen wrote: »

Whoever instructs the FD regardless of who's paying controls the FD's actions

There may have been a funeral plan but somebody living has to instigate it and therefore takes control of the process. The only thing they can not do is overrule any instructions in the will.

Funeral instructions in a will have no standing.

Savvy_Sue

Is there someone who could approach the sister who has instructed the FD on your friend's behalf? A family friend, another relative?

It does seem hard hearted, but having said that, some people find viewing the dead person more upsetting than they expect. If it's not going to be possible, I'd try to be philosophical about it, and do something where I could think about the deceased in happier times, perhaps talk to them as if they were there and say how sorry I am not to feel able to go to their funeral.

Iwanttobefree

I spoke to her last night.

FD says she cant come because there's a letter allegedly from her mum saying she doesn't want anyone viewing her.

That's contradictory from what her mum requested to her only a few months ago.

Her mum has been blind for few years and when she became blind, stopped sending any Christmas cards etc as she couldn't write at all.

She is very suspect about the authenticity of the letter the FD has, she thinks her sister wrote it.

i no it doesn't help you, but I'm not prepared to discuss someone else's life and health on here. What I will say is this lady has severe health problems, has had numerous strokes (which were a side effect of her health issues) , is on oxygen etc and I'm not joking when I say the stress of this could push her over the edge.

All she wants is to say goodbye to her mum.

The lady in question is in her 60s and her deceased mum was in her 90s.

The FD director is phoning her up on Tuesday to discus it with her.

Yorkshireman99

Iwanttobefree wrote: »

Asking for a friend.

Long story short, siblings do not get on.

She wants to go to the funeral directors and say her good byes to her mum, she is badly ill and cannot face the arguments that will happen if she goes to the funeral.

She contacted the funeral directors and they said that was fine.

They have just phoned her up to say she can't visit them as her sister has said no.

As it's her mum, doers she have any rights?

thanks

Is there a will and who are the executors? They have full authority to arrange the funeral. Often family members step in regardless. Worst case they arrange an elaborate funeral that is to costly for the estate to bear. The executor is not obliged to reimburse those who chose to take the task on without permission.

Malthusian

Iwanttobefree wrote: »

The FD director is phoning her up on Tuesday to discus it with her.

Hopefully they show common sense and set an appointment to let her view her mother, on the understanding she doesn't tell the sister, and doesn't attempt to attend the funeral. The FD has no reason to stop her, other than the executor kicking up a fuss if she finds out.

On the question of her rights, the funeral director can let whoever they want onto their private premises, and the supposed letter saying the mother didn't wish to be viewed has no legal force. Your friend has no legal right to enter private property that happens to have her mother's body within it.

The FD appears to be changing their story. First it was because the sister didn't want it, then it was a letter (supposedly) written by the mother. It's the FD's decision either way.

As I see it, letting your friend see the body at the FD's (which the sister will never find out about, unless your friend tells them) is a good compromise to ensure she doesn't feel compelled to attend the funeral instead.

If the FD doesn't see it that way, then the simplest solution is for your friend to find some way of commemorating her mum that doesn't require her earthly remains. Visit the grave after the funeral, visit a place that was special to them both, plant a tree, etc.