Divorce and pensions sharing

AdeleLisa

Its taken a lot of courage to write this post.

I’ve been separated from my husband for three years now. There was too much of an age gap of which I thought wouldn’t be a problem. I see him more as a brother now. He is 61 and I am 45. He’s a lovely man and has continued to help me as I’ve struggled badly with being unable to work due to my health since we separated. My ex husband occasionally buys me some shopping of which is delivered to me by a supermarket as we live 180 miles away from each other . He also lends me money maybe £20 of £40 to pay for me to attend hospital appointments as I have no car and rely on taxis to get me there.
There was no house to divide as we rented. he recently paid me the deposit back on the rented house we had.

BUT.......... My ex has a rather large private pension. He has told me he wants to retire in France. So I guess he will buy a new house there with his pension money. He said he can only do this if I don’t do the unthinkable!!!!! I know he is worried I will apply for some of his pension when we get divorced

He knows I can file for divorce and claim some of his pension. I’ve had a bad time this last two years one being that I became homeless for a short time. I’m now living in council temporary accommodation so I worry where I will end up living due to having no money. I’m unable to work so I just receive £100 a week to live on through ESA

Because my ex has been so good to me in lending me money, and him paying back the deposit which was £860. I ended up paying £700 for rent arrears for last year so I’m struggling.badly. I had housing benefit suspended last year due to not handing in my bank statements in on time to the council. I was actually in hospital having part of my small bowel removed which is a big op. I’m grateful my ex paid my rent arrears but that was my money. I’m grateful with him helping me with buying food. But I need to think about me now as life has been awful so far

Should I go for half my husbands pension! Is it being nasty to stop his dream
Of moving to France. Is it fair that I go perhaps two three days without eating when my ex is having golfing holidays and will retire to a substantial amount of money. His pension must be worth a lot of money as it’s with a well known company in London. He has worked there for at least 15 years and my ex and I had been together for 16 years
What should I do or what am I entitled too. I won’t start divorce proceedings until I know roughly what I could get.

I didn’t know where to post this so apologies if it’s in the wrong forum.

Anyone who knows about divorce and pensions sharing I would really appreciate some advice
I don’t want to come across as a gold digger but if I don’t do something soon I will be homeless
Thank you 🌸

xylophone

https://www.pensionsadvisoryservice.org.uk/about-pensions/when-things-change/when-relationships-end/pension-sharing

Thrugelmir

AdeleLisa wrote: »

What should I do or what am I entitled too. I won’t start divorce proceedings until I know roughly what I could get.

You may not know until you do.

AdeleLisa

Now I am lost? Stock markets?

I just wanted to know if it’s something I can go for? I’m a bit lost with what to do that’s all

AdeleLisa

I’ve posted my questions to the pension advisory group so should get a reply in five days time

Thank you xx

mark5

How long were you married for of the 16 years?

Pension built up before the marriage might be treated different to what’s built up during the marriage, that’s what I got told during my divorce anyway.

Your way off pension age to access any settlement so would only benefit at your retirement age and not now.

Marcon

AdeleLisa wrote: »

Its taken a lot of courage to write this post.

I’ve been separated from my husband for three years now. There was too much of an age gap of which I thought wouldn’t be a problem. I see him more as a brother now. He is 61 and I am 45. He’s a lovely man and has continued to help me as I’ve struggled badly with being unable to work due to my health since we separated. My ex husband occasionally buys me some shopping of which is delivered to me by a supermarket as we live 180 miles away from each other . He also lends me money maybe £20 of £40 to pay for me to attend hospital appointments as I have no car and rely on taxis to get me there.
There was no house to divide as we rented. he recently paid me the deposit back on the rented house we had.

BUT.......... My ex has a rather large private pension. How can you be sure? Have you seen the figures or are you guessing?He has told me he wants to retire in France. So I guess he will buy a new house there with his pension money. He said he can only do this if I don’t do the unthinkable!!!!! I know he is worried I will apply for some of his pension when we get divorced Depends what other assets are available in addition to his pension

He knows I can file for divorce and claim some of his pension. I’ve had a bad time this last two years one being that I became homeless for a short time. I’m now living in council temporary accommodation so I worry where I will end up living due to having no money. I’m unable to work so I just receive £100 a week to live on through ESA

Because my ex has been so good to me in lending me money, and him paying back the deposit which was £860. I ended up paying £700 for rent arrears for last year so I’m struggling.badly. I had housing benefit suspended last year due to not handing in my bank statements in on time to the council. I was actually in hospital having part of my small bowel removed which is a big op. I’m grateful my ex paid my rent arrears but that was my money. I’m grateful with him helping me with buying food. But I need to think about me now as life has been awful so far

Should I go for half my husbands pension! Dont assume you will get half of his pension - it is by no means automaticIs it being nasty to stop his dream
Of moving to France. Is it fair that I go perhaps two three days without eating if you're in poor health, not eating isn't wise. Any local food banks or similar who could help you? when my ex is having golfing holidays and will retire to a substantial amount of money. His pension must be worth a lot of money as it’s with a well known company in London. He has worked there for at least 15 years and my ex and I had been together for 16 years Depends what he was earning and the type of pension provided by his employer - and of course whether he has been a member for all the time he's been employed there
What should I do or what am I entitled too. I won’t start divorce proceedings until I know roughly what I could get. Why not? Starting proceedings is, as someone else has pointed out, often the only way to establish what you might be awarded as a settlement.

I didn’t know where to post this so apologies if it’s in the wrong forum.

Anyone who knows about divorce and pensions sharing I would really appreciate some advice
I don’t want to come across as a gold digger but if I don’t do something soon I will be homeless
Thank you ��

Your husband doesn't have to lose his dream but may well have to scale it down. You also need to be prepared to adjust your expectations of any financial settlement - although 50:50 of all assets may be a starting point, this is normally adjusted to take account of the respective contributions made by each party during the time they were together.

Incidentally, your posts seem to refer to him as 'husband' and 'ex husband' and other posts refer to 'your partner'. It's a bit hard to work out who's who - were you actually married to him and are you already divorced and with another partner? Answers to your questions would vary considerably depending on your situation.

lisyloo

We don’t know how long you were married.
How much of the pension he’d accrued before the marriage.
What pension arrangements you made for yourself during the marriage.

So you could be awarded less than 50%.

Also pensions are paid at retirment and there are strict rules (generous tax benefits are given In return for providing for yourself in retirement), so don’t expect anything now.

I may be way off the mark here so don’t take offence, but is your ex partially trying to “keep you sweet” e.g. help you out so you are favourably inclined towards not taking his pension?
You should now put yourself first and if you agreed to share everything during your marriage then that’s what you both agreed.

Silvertabby

As others have said/asked:

How long were you actually legally married (contrary to popular belief, 'common law spouse' has no basis in law).

If he was only with the company for 15 years, his pension may not be as big as you think.

Even if you are awarded a percentage of his pension as a pension sharing order (and it may not be as much as 50%) you won't be able to access this money (which would be put into your own pension 'pot') until you are at least 55.

An alternative to a pension sharing order would be some form of pension allocation - ie, once your ex starts to draw his pension, he pays you £X per month out of the proceeds. This is very rarely used nowadays because the big problem is that when he dies the pensions - his and the spouse's - die with him. Something to think about in view of your age differences.

AdeleLisa

Yes.......... your absolutely right!! He is trying to keep me sweet! I’ve thought it for a long time now.
We aren’t divorced yet, we got together in 2000 and married 2006 and split up in 2016,

I’ve no private pension due to being unable to work through I’ll health.
His salary whilst I was married to him was £61,000. And I gues his employer paid a percentage into it as it was a company pension. I do know it’s worth a lot of money.
If he’s buying a property in France on retirement then there’s the proof, he has no savings of which I know for a fact.
He joined the company in 2005,
My husband is 61 so I know he is getting ready to retire by the way he talks, I’m just fed up because I worked up until 2010 and with my salary I bought all the furniture, food and paid half the rent and I was only on £28,000 I never thought it was fair also because him being on 61k would pay the same amount of rent than me so I would end up with no money, where as my ex would book holidays abroad and because I couldn’t afford to pay for my ticket he would leave me at home.
He sent me a text not long ago saying about moving to France, I replied saying that he was very lucky as I will never have that opportunity, he replied saying “ he can only go if I don’t spoil it for him and get my hands on his pension first

So I’m a little fed up with how he is going about things. I know he has never wanted to divorce me as he knows what could happen

lisyloo

There are only 5 grounds for divorce.

http://www.linnitts.co.uk/family-law/divorce/grounds-for-divorce

So are you going to have to wait until 2021 before you can divorce?

It might be your turn to keep him sweet and make sure you know where he moves to?

Going on holiday without you is really mean.
Marriage is meant to be a partnership.