Should I close my child’s bank account

rach_k

I don't think smoking or trying weed are reason enough to lose trust in somebody completely. Teenagers do stupid stuff like that.

However, if you've spent so long saving the money, I don't think it's unreasonable for you to want to make sure it's spent wisely. Any 16 year old has the potential to waste money, smoker or not!

If the account is in your name and his (I have those for my kids), I would probably move most of the money out of the account, leaving something like £500 behind to become his alone. See what he does it with. He might surprise you. Then you can consider what to do with the rest of the money based on that.

Robin9

theoretica wrote: »

What is the money for? It can help with budgeting/not frittering it away if the money has a job. So not just giving him money a choice, but specifically giving him driving lessons and car insurance, or £1000 a year for university or first flat deposit, or...

A good opportunity for you to talk to your son re saving for the future but perhaps a small spend first on something he needs/wants.

itsanne

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Devils advocate

At the age of around 15/16 kids that have not tried smoking and/or weed are in the minority, yes even those whos parents would swear blind they havnt. Not all, but the vast majority have. Right of passage and all that, its just a fact of life.
I think if he knows about the money (you havnt said he doesnt) that if its withheld you are going to create more problems that you solve.
If you push children they tend to push back harder, so you may not get the result you are after, you may, but its a gamble.

That's true, and hopefully reassuring to the OP. However, while it's possible for it to do so, withholding the money does not have to create a huge problem. Clearly saying something along the lines of "You're not getting the money because of your behaviour / I don't trust you with it" would lead to problems, but a discussion along the lines of looking forward to driving lessons or uni etc shouldn't - especially if the child has input into its possible use. There may turn out to be a valid reason for spending some of it without waiting

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Devils advocateThere comes a time in a childs life when after all the years of showing them right and wrong, and how the world works that you have to trust in your work, and sit back and watch.

Again true, but it raises the question of when the point of completely sitting back is. I'm not convinced that it's 15-16 years old, just when the child is in the throes of experimentation, rebellion etc. While sixteen-year-olds need to learn by their mistakes, they are not adults and their parents still have responsibilities - which include stepping in where necessary.

AylesburyDuck wrote: »

Devils advocate
Of course the choice is ultimately yours, but i'd be tackling it by saying you know he's smoked ect, this money is coming his way and you are going to trust him to do the right thing. You've not said he's always badly behaved and if thats the case then dont make this something its not.

In some respects, it depends as much as anything on what the OP's original intentions were. I suspect that many parents anticipate money they've saved for their children to be available when the child is older than 16 - especially when, as in the OP's case, it has taken a lot of time and effort to save the money. I agree about not making this something it's not - but as I wouldn't have given that amount of money to my children at that age we may be viewing it from different perspectives.

suejb2

The bank will contact him soon asking him to close the child account and open an adult so you won’t be able to hide it.
Can you syphon some off into another account let your son have the new amount and see what he does with it? If he smokes it away then point proven if he is sensible then congratulate him!

puddy28cat

Thank you to all that has taken the time to reply. It has given me lots to think about. I especially like the ideas of giving him just a small amount and see what he does and I love the idea of using his money for things he would like such as driving lessons or a car.
I do have a child trust fund for him that matures when he turns 18 so if he has turned things around by then he will has some cash to help him through uni. ( that’s his goal at the moment, to go to uni).
I am reassured that most teenagers go through this at some point and hopefully all is not lost.

kangoora

A bit late for the OP but may be useful for anyone thinking of starting this. We did something similar for both our boys. We've rounded it up to £10k each, BUT, it's saved in our names.

The eldest has finished Uni and is thinking about his first house. We've promised to match his savings for a house (deposit/fees) up to a maximum of £10k - money which in our minds is his already, so he'll get £10k as we will end up giving him a 'gift' of the remainder of the £10k even if he doesn't save the full amount himself

The younger one has been told the same thing for when the time comes.

We also helped them out financially during their Uni years so their only debt is the Uni fee's which we couldn't stretch to (still they each owe £27k on student loans for the fees).

We made a conscious decision to save this way for them when they were born for exactly the scenario the OP posted. It's turned out both are really sensible with money and good lads, if they had turned into thieving scumbags or junkies then, son or not, they'd never have heard of this cash............

***Not saying the OP's kid is a scumbag or a junkie, just a choice of words****

MallyGirl

I have managed my DD's accounts to date. She knows that she has a 'secret account' as I needed her to open the Nationwide one when she turned 16 but she has no idea how much is in it. She actually has several. I kept some to be available for her at 17 for driving lessons, and it is directly attributable to money given at birth by her paternal grandparents, but the rest is mostly in a JISA which she cannot access till 18.
Maybe move the money to a JISA and hope that the current 'phase' is over by then? He will be closer to the uni goal and have a much clearer idea about money at 18.
I have been lucky that my DD is very responsible and is religiously ring fencing the 'driving lesson' money so that it doesn't just get absorbed by general spending. She did have the terrible example of her cousin who got money at 18, smoked most of it as weed, bought a car but no insurance and then got caught driving it stoned. Lost his license and then his job. He made those mistakes so she didn't have to - not that she would have IMHO as she is a very different type of person.

Exodi

Giving a 16 year old thousands of pounds, what could go wrong?

Has anyone actually had the child spend it on anything remotely sensible or has everyones' experience been the money is quickly rinsed on 1 Million GTA V points (or whatever the current trendy online game currency is), 10 cans of Monster per day (or whatever the current trendy energy drink is), takeaway/eating out every single day, Nikes current 2019 full collection (or whatever the current trendy sportswear brand is) and a brand new flagship iPhone Y XL 2019 (or whatever the current trendy phone is).

Are there 16 year olds that exist that when given £X,000 respond "what is the best way to invest this, it would be advantageous to use this as the start of a deposit on a house in the future".

As I think it would always be "are you in tomorrow, I have 15 parcels arriving. Also, my friends send their thanks, I got us all matching hoodies and trainers."

MallyGirl

yes - my 17 yo DD is spending it on driving lessons, as I said. Any left will be saved for uni. She wouldn't be interested in anything you have listed and she certainly wouldn't spend it all on buying stuff for friends.
There are sensible teens out there

theoretica

Exodi wrote: »

Giving a 16 year old thousands of pounds, what could go wrong?

Has anyone actually had the child spend it on anything remotely sensible or has everyones' experience been the money is quickly rinsed ...

Not 16, but 18 - several of my friends and relatives inherited considerable sums at 18 and spent it on sensible things like house deposits. I am sure this is a biased sample as I was friends mostly with sensible people, but it does happen.