Divorcing and left with debt! Advice..

Luanne80

I ended my marriage with my husband a couple of years ago. (had been together 12.5 years and are married 10 this April! )

It didn't end well he became very abusive and threatening and had agencies involved. Anyway it came out that he subjected me to alot of financial abuse during our relationship as refused to have a bank account after I helped him with his HMRC debt he had when we met (was made bankrupt). Subsequently all Bill's, cards, finances and loans we accumulated were solely done in my name.
When he left he opened a bank account transferred his wages and refused to help with the debt! Saying it was what I wanted... we have 2 children together 12 and 14.
I struggled through as i knew he had no money and took very little in maintenance but then less then a year later he met someone and moved in with her...so I went to CMA. Since then they split and he was made homeless so again I helped any way i could but last summer he said he wanted to reconcile but it turned our to be lies and he was still seeing the other women and was hiding savings (found out as statements came to my house as he put them all at my address).

Since then he has cut me dead... wont communicate with me and doesnt help outside the CMA payments with his kids and I get no support whatsever ever... he is still seeing the other women but keeps his other life separate from the kids, I went to a solicitor to get holiday periods sorted as he refused to give dates which backfired as he just didn't have them at Christmas and now says he wants them less!!! . His mother lives in France but is British and sold her big house in the UK at Christmas and the kids came home saying she was giving him money to buy a house outright!!! He has forced the divorce through and refuses to discuss money at all with me..but now is telling the kids he is skint and has nothing!!! as it stands his share of the debts that I have managed to clear so far is at £10,000 and I still have the credit card.

I dont know where I stand regarding any of it and dont have the money for a solicitor (I've tried the free 30mins advice they offer but they seem to not tell you anything except what there fees are) so am feeling very despondent and dont know what to do??

Comms69

Luanne80 wrote: »

I ended my marriage with my husband a couple of years ago. (had been together 12.5 years and are married 10 this April! )

It didn't end well he became very abusive and threatening and had agencies involved. Anyway it came out that he subjected me to alot of financial abuse during our relationship as refused to have a bank account after I helped him with his HMRC debt he had when we met (was made bankrupt). Subsequently all Bill's, cards, finances and loans we accumulated were solely done in my name.
When he left he opened a bank account transferred his wages and refused to help with the debt! Saying it was what I wanted... we have 2 children together 12 and 14. - Sorry I'm not seeing the financial abuse yet.
I struggled through as i knew he had no money and took very little in maintenance but then less then a year later he met someone and moved in with her...so I went to CMA. - CMS* Since then they split and he was made homeless so again I helped any way i could but last summer he said he wanted to reconcile but it turned our to be lies and he was still seeing the other women and was hiding savings (found out as statements came to my house as he put them all at my address). - Don't try again, it's over

Since then he has cut me dead... wont communicate with me and doesnt help outside the CMA payments with his kids and I get no support whatsever ever... - as long as he's paying CMS that's all you can expect he is still seeing the other women but keeps his other life separate from the kids - not sure why his personal life is relevant?? , I went to a solicitor to get holiday periods sorted as he refused to give dates which backfired as he just didn't have them at Christmas and now says he wants them less!!! - ultimately he's not obliged to see them (not that I agree with that sentiment) . His mother lives in France but is British and sold her big house in the UK at Christmas and the kids came home saying she was giving him money to buy a house outright!!! - and? He has forced the divorce through and refuses to discuss money at all with me..but now is telling the kids he is skint and has nothing!!! as it stands his share of the debts that I have managed to clear so far is at £10,000 and I still have the credit card. - have you actually divorced?

I dont know where I stand regarding any of it and dont have the money for a solicitor (I've tried the free 30mins advice they offer but they seem to not tell you anything except what there fees are) so am feeling very despondent and dont know what to do??

What do you want to achieve?


Whilst he sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant bloke, he's paying the maintenance. His housing position and his personal life arent really your business

Luanne80

Thank you for your response.
We are not divorced and I agree his personal life is none of my business, I really just think it would be fair for him to pay his share of the debts he helped create! He has left me and his children ultimately paying this for him but dont legally know where I stand to claim this back.

comeandgo

Luanne80 wrote: »

Thank you for your response.
We are not divorced and I agree his personal life is none of my business, I really just think it would be fair for him to pay his share of the debts he helped create! He has left me and his children ultimately paying this for him but dont legally know where I stand to claim this back.

It should be detailed in the financial settlement of the divorce. The solicitors will sort it out or the judge if it has to go to court.

Luanne80

Thank you for your response..

I dont currently have a solicitor as cant afford one and dont qualify for legal aid! Regarding the financial order - does this have to be done before the divorce can be finalised and is it something I can do without a solicitor!? Really clueless sorry...

All I've been legally told is that before I can do anything I have to go mediation!!

Mummy2cheekymonkeys

I know it's probably irrelevant but how do you have a 12 and 14 year old together when you say you were together 12.5 years?

anna_1977

Luanne80 wrote: »

Thank you for your response..

I dont currently have a solicitor as cant afford one and dont qualify for legal aid! Regarding the financial order - does this have to be done before the divorce can be finalised and is it something I can do without a solicitor!? Really clueless sorry...

All I've been legally told is that before I can do anything I have to go mediation!!

Yes the financial order NEEDS to be done before the absolute will come through. You need to sort out being able to afford one, I know it's not that simple. Don't do it without a solicitor - you'd be daft to

Luanne80

Can see why you ask lol we got together 15 yrs ago but seperated 2.5 yrs ago so were together for 12.5 yrs

TBagpuss

It's a good idea to finalise the finances before you complete the divorce but it isn't compulsory.

A court can't transfer debt but if they were satisfied that he had money, they could order him to pay a lump sum to cover his share of the debt

unholyangel

Luanne80 wrote: »

Thank you for your response..

I dont currently have a solicitor as cant afford one and dont qualify for legal aid! Regarding the financial order - does this have to be done before the divorce can be finalised and is it something I can do without a solicitor!? Really clueless sorry...

All I've been legally told is that before I can do anything I have to go mediation!!

If you're in england, financial settlement is not part of the divorce process unless you ask for it to be done at the same time (theres an option on the form).

in scotland it needs to be done as part of the divorce process. In england, it doesnt so even if you were divorced you can potentially claim against them years down the line (and vice versa, they can claim against you) unless there is either a clean break order or consent order (financial settlement). So its wise to ensure its done before divorce. Especially if your ex is living with someone else and intends to marry them in the future, they usually wont have incentive to do a financial settlement once the divorce is finalised.

EstherG

Hold on, girl!
Everything will be fine!