Partner wanting repayment

Jolee37

Me and my partner have now lived together for 8 years
I bought the house which is solely in my name with parents in heritance
We have both contributed to the diy of doing the house up (costs and our own labour)
I pay more of the bills
My partner earns 3 times what I do
Anyway my question / dilemma is this .. we've just upgraded our motor home .costing an extra £9 k
Our original motorhome we went halves on
My partner had substantial savings and was able to put the extra £9 k up still leaving him with a good deal of his savings ( £15k )
He now wants me to repay him £3 k of this money knowing I earn significantly less than him and that I only have £1 k in savings for my back up . Lose job etc
I feel so resentful about this . He wants £100 a month plus a lump sum here and there when I have it ( £200/£500 ) etc
It's quite hurt me . Thought we were a partnership especially when he knows the circumstances

[Deleted User]

Hi,


don't know much about 'partnership' arrangements, but what's going to happen if you ever split up, how much of the house will he want for his share of 'diy' costs.


Tell him the motorhome is his the house is yours, least he'll have somewhere to live if you do split up.

Comms69

The simple fact is- you should’ve discussed this before purchase.

You expected him to pay more because he earns more; which is a bad default position to hold.

pjcox2005

I think the house is a pertinant point, if you planned on sharing the growth with them then I could understand you being offended that he wants a repayment of the motorhome.


If you weren't because as you say you bought it, then I could understand why your partner has adopted their stance as you're not sharing everything, so in which case why should they share the benefit of a higher wage.


Personally I think these situations are that you're all in 50:50 on everything, ideally with joint accounts, and therefore how things flow doesn't matter (i.e. someone may be a high earner contributing more now, but may not be in the future e.g. maternity, redundancy, when the other will pick up more of the burden). If you decide not to go all in then you can't have any complaints when various points like these crop up as you'll both have different views of what's fair e.g. based on income, split equally as you both get the same use etc.

BAFE

What did you agree about payment before you purchased the motorhome?

Jolee37

We just went to look at motorhomes . We didn't discuss purchasing . We saw one and it escalated from there and yes we should have sorted who's paying for what etc pre purchase
Appreciate your response

Mojisola

Jolee37 wrote: »

I pay more of the bills

My partner earns 3 times what I do

How did this come about?

Shouldn't he be paying at least half?

The motorhome has brought an issue to light that is deeper than just the new vehicle.

He is extremely vulnerable, living in your wholly-owned home - he has fewer rights than a lodger and you could put him out on the street at a moment's notice, even though he's put time and money into improving the property.

He's earning more but not sharing the household bills - that's likely to build resentment in you that his savings are building - leading you to expect that he would pay for the motorhome.

Time for a discussion on your finances and what you both think is fair and what you both expect of each other.

Exodi

I'll resonate Mojisola's comment, I'd imagine it has dawned on him that he's actually in a weak position and should you break up, he'd be left without a pot to p**s in. He's also contributed to the renovation of a house that he has no 'stake' in, I can sympathise with him somewhat on this.

Jolee37 wrote: »

I feel so resentful about this . He wants £100 a month plus a lump sum here and there when I have it ( £200/£500 ) etc
It's quite hurt me . Thought we were a partnership especially when he knows the circumstances

I think there needs to be an open conversation about this, with both sides willing to compromise.

Even after his proposed arrangement he would still have put £3k extra into the motor-home so it doesn't a seem wildly unreasonable request, nor does proposing £100 a month, so I'm not sure why you'd feel resentful about it. I'd wager he's beginning to feel resentful about renovating a house he doesn't own. Likewise, I'm not sure why he's not paying half the bills (but I don't know your circumstances, if these bills included a small mortgage then I can understand).

If you are going to say something like 'you earn more, why should I have to pay the same on the motor-home? I thought we were a partnership' then expect him to reply 'the house I've been doing up is solely in your name, I thought we were a partnership?'

onwards&upwards

Nothing about what you’re describing says’partnership’ at all to me.

After 8 years you’re still living like housemates totting up who owns what and who owes who how much. Why?

maman

onwards&upwards wrote: »

Nothing about what you’re describing says’partnership’ at all to me.

After 8 years you’re still living like housemates totting up who owns what and who owes who how much. Why?

I agree but not with your reasoning. DH and I have been married for many, many years but choose to have our own separate accounts and split all our bills. We prefer it that way. I know it's all our money legally but it's important to us to each pay our fair share.


I, too, have sympathy with the 'partner' here. He seems to have given a lot financially and if the so called partnership ended tomorrow he'd have very little to show for it. I think OP is working on the familiar 'What's yours is mine and what's mine's my own' principle. Why, just because he earns more should he keep paying up.

onwards&upwards

maman wrote: »

I agree but not with your reasoning. DH and I have been married for many, many years but choose to have our own separate accounts and split all our bills. We prefer it that way. I know it's all our money legally but it's important to us to each pay our fair share.


I, too, have sympathy with the 'partner' here. He seems to have given a lot financially and if the so called partnership ended tomorrow he'd have very little to show for it. I think OP is working on the familiar 'What's yours is mine and what's mine's my own' principle. Why, just because he earns more should he keep paying up.

What reasoning are you disagreeing with exactly?

This situation is bad for both, he’s got no security in his home and probably feels defensive and like he has to hoard his savings as a result, she’s paying more than her fair share of day to day outgoings and being left with little in case of an emergency as a result. Both probably feel resentful, hard done by and that the other is treating them badly!

Would it not make sense to pool resources? It doesn’t need to mean joint accounts etc. but a way of budgeting so that all the assets/income of the ‘partnership’ benefit them both equally? Otherwise, what’s the point of bein* a couple? May as well be friends with benefits if you don’t want to share anything!