found xxx sites been visited on my computer, how to deal with?

redballoon_2

thanks for all the replies, really apprecaite it, i think i will mull it over and see if i can pluck the courage up to ask him.

i dont want to knock his confidence and i dont feel confident bringing the subject up other than in a confrontational situation if that makes sense.

candygirl

Was it soft or hard !!!!!! he was looking at?Be prepared for him to deny it either way:rolleyes:

dmg24

I would see this as a positive opportunity to discuss sex within your relationship. Perhaps he needs some gentle encouragement to open up about it?

Are you completely averse to !!!!!!? If not, perhaps it is something that you could look at together? There are some sites and videos that are quite female/ couple friendly.

dmg24

kimevans wrote: »

I don't think men looking a !!!!!! on the computer see it as we do. I think most men would think its harmless fun.
You could mention it, but unless its nasty/stange stuff I wouldn't get too worked up over it.
I'm not sure I would be too impressed in your shoes, but I don't think they attach much importance to it.

Some women see it as harmless fun too!

But OP (or anyone else), if you do want some recommendations of female friendly producers, feel free to PM me.

(I'm not some mad nympho , just have experience of the industry.)

redballoon_2

no i am not adverse to the idea, its just that he doesnt really open up to me and find it hard that he does this "behind my back" so to speak.

he has just called me and i asked what he was doing on the computer, he just said "mooching" and i said i wasnt too happy and he just replied "you have nothing to worry about" and ended the conversation. think he may be embarrased about it.

i will try and use this opportunity to get him to open up,

btw, i am one of them who never swears so perhaps he thinks im not capable of doing what he wants?

Chollita

Assuming that these are 'normal' !!!!!! sites, so to speak, maybe he finds it easier to 'express' himself by looking at these sites because the women don't make any demands on him. Nor is he going to place any pressure on himself to satisfy someone he loves.

tightrs

this could make him more adventurous, maybe something you could share together and boost your sex life in the process.

dmg24

redballoon wrote: »

no i am not adverse to the idea, its just that he doesnt really open up to me and find it hard that he does this "behind my back" so to speak.

he has just called me and i asked what he was doing on the computer, he just said "mooching" and i said i wasnt too happy and he just replied "you have nothing to worry about" and ended the conversation. think he may be embarrased about it.

i will try and use this opportunity to get him to open up,

btw, i am one of them who never swears so perhaps he thinks im not capable of doing what he wants?

I suppose that depends on what he wants. Most people have fantasies, it just depends on how extreme they are. You being polite does not necessarily mean that you are going to be no fun in the bedroom.

Perhaps if you show him that you are not embarrassed about the subject, it will help him to open up? If when he starts to share his thoughts, you find them funny/ unappealing, try not to show it, as this could discourage him from sharing any further with you. Equally, if what he suggests is really not your cup of tea, do not feel obliged to take this ideas further.

Hope you get things sorted x

thedriver

sorry...thread caught my eye.

Talk, with your partner.

What are your reasons for feeling that this is a bad behaviour on the part of your partner...do you feel betrayed or do you feel that he has degraded himself or women in general.

These are the questions that only you and your partner can answer, but without discussion only doubt exists.

Just dont let the discussions lead to confrontation/conflict.

it could just be that its the old case of devil and idle hands, not that I see anything wrong with the situation.

Good luck but remain positive, he has not had an affair, its just admiration in the beauty of the human form.

daisy_doughnut_2

hi there
i tottally know how you feel
an ex used to do this alot i knew he did it he was open about it so i didnt check untill one day i did check an found more than i should have i mulled an it ended up in a masive argument where it also came out he was cheating so he got binned
my now boyfriend i couldnt help but check call it paranoia if you like but i found him doing the same in a softer !!!!!! way an so i confronted the situation strait away i may have been slightly ott from the past experience but he totally understood where i was coming from an explained that he never would have done it knowing it would hurt me an that he never tried to hide it-which he didnt-he just never thought he to wasnt as open with sex as some but it did lead us to be more open to the point of us looking at things he or i would like to try as in toys to improve our sex life

for me it worked out well but if you dont say anything then it will eat away at you an cause an atmosphere try to approach it in a mild mannered way tell him you are not happy as you wouldnt mind exploring these sites together i wish you luck