Money Relationship Issues with girlfriend

MikeGreo

Would like to get some general consensus of how the couples handle their money with their significant other.


I know the usual things like paying rent, expenses should be in proportion to salary etc, which I totally agree with and already doing. Also I wouldn't allow my girlfriend to pay for takeouts, restaurants or grocery shopping.


What my concern is however is the sense of entitlement that my girlfriend has. You would think that when you pay so much, when you try to make them happy and buy them the things they want or need, etc, you would think that you would be in their good books so, if another expense came up, that considering the amount you helped them save, that they would pay for it themselves and not bother the boyfriend. This is not the case for me. If I ever say no to something, she doesn't make any kind of judgment that I have spent so much for her this month already. So this attitude is actually upsetting me.



She even says her money is hers, and mine is ours. She makes me feel like "to feel that my money is mine" is wrong. Is this the case? I feel it is unfair, considering that her expenses are more.


So what societal norm made it okay to come up with such a concept and make it seem just? Or is it not just?


Any input would be appreciated.


Thanks,


Mike

Keep_pedalling

This belongs on the marriages, relationships and families board, it certainly has nothing to do with ISAs

Alter_ego

How about a new girlfriend?

Tigsteroonie

MikeGreo wrote: »

You would think that when you pay so much, when you try to make them happy and buy them the things they want or need, etc, you would think that you would be in their good books so,

Sounds like a relationship problem rather than a money problem :cool:

elsien

You wouldn't "allow" her to spend money on food, then complain about her sense of entitlement. Have you considered treating each other as adults and having a grown up conversation about it all?
It's not a societal norm unless you're back in the seventies. Both of you need to get a grip.

MikeGreo

It's not that I don't allow her, but naturally I am the one to pay. If she ever would pay for any of those things at one time, she would ask me to give the money for it later.


P.S. Admin if there is a more suitable forum please move thread there. Thanks.

elsien

"Also I wouldn't allow my girlfriend to pay for takeouts, restaurants or grocery shopping."

Your words, not mine. And why would naturally you be the one to pay?
In my world I'd find that very paternalistic.

MikeyBeLike

You need a new girlfriend, dude. It's 2019 we should all be pushing equality in our relationships. It sounds like her mindset is still quite backwards. "Her money is hers, yours is ours"? Come on, I don't have to tell you how much of a red flag that is and I don't think there's any amount of "sitting down and talking" that will change someone who has that mindset. What happens when in the worst case you stop being the breadwinner or even stop making money. Doesn't sound like she'll support you.
Dates - you should be treating each other. You pay one night, she pays one night.

I mostly pay for our dinners when we go out, but there is never an assumption that i'll pay on her behalf, sometimes she even fights to pay for us.

MisterMotivated

Sounds like a total gold-digger, you should get rid asap

thickasabrick

Kerry Daynes and Kessica Fellowes book "The Devil you Know : Looking out for the Psycho in your life" is quite a good read for a bit of perspective on this kind of behaviour.

Keep_pedalling wrote: »

This belongs on the marriages, relationships and families board, it certainly has nothing to do with ISAs

MikeGreo wrote: »

Would like to get some general consensus of how the couples handle their money with their significant other.
...
She even says her money is hers, and mine is ours. She makes me feel like "to feel that my money is mine" is wrong. Is this the case? I feel it is unfair, considering that her expenses are more.

So what societal norm made it okay to come up with such a concept and make it seem just? Or is it not just?

Mojisola

MikeGreo wrote: »

She even says her money is hers, and mine is ours.

With that attitude, is there really any future in this relationship?