Funeral costs for estranged parent

pollypenny

Going by what you say about your stage of life, I'm thinking that your father wasn't that old.

Was he still in work and therefore might have some death in service benefits? Was he a union member? They can often help.

Undervalued

-taff wrote: »

This is not relevant. It's the estate of the deceased that bears the cost, not the relatives, so saying that it is 'slightly different' is misdirection and insinuating that the relatives have an obligaton to pay themselves is false. They don't.

Nonsense! A no point did I say or intend to imply the relatives have an obligation to pay.

If you read my whole post instead of quoting one paragraph you will see that I clearly said

....but if the relatives are not willing to pay for a funeral (as is their right)...

-taff

Undervalued wrote: »

I appreciate this is a very delicate area but if the relatives are not willing to pay for a funeral (as is their right) to what extent are / should they have any say about its format?.

It's not about being 'not willing' it's about there being no need for them to. 'Not willing' implies they have a moral obligation to. Follow that with [as is their right] and you have a keyboard saying two different things.

Undervalued wrote: »

That is slightly different from those who are genuinely unable to afford the cost,

By saying 'those who are genuinely unable to afford the cost' again, you're implying that there is an obligation for relatives to pay for the funeral. You've repeated am implied obligation twice now.

Undervalued wrote: »

although how the state should fairly judge who is "unable" is quite another matter..

What have the state to do with judging here? The estate has the money or it doesn't, there's no reason for 'the state' to 'judge' anything.

Undervalued wrote: »

There is another thread on here about "direct cremation". OK, this is slightly different as it generally chosen by the deceased or their family because they do not want a ceremony.
All raises some fundamental questions....

Taken as a whole, your post implies that there is an obligation for the relatives to pay.
There's no need to mention any of the above, none of it is relevant, the estate pays or does not pay, not the relative.


You responded to mojisolas post asking whether the relatives should have a say in the ceremony, and then went on to suggest that they should pay for one, then added in the state as a good measure to make your commments about paying seem reasonable.

Beenie

my late sister had a public health funeral. She had no savings or insurance so it had to be this way. We (mother and sister) were asked about funeral music and what info to give to the clergyman for his funeral service. The only things we couldn't choose were date and time - so we had an early (and usually unpopular) time slot. The service was exactly like any other funeral we have attended, and no hint of 'a paupers funeral' so people should not worry about that.

Silvertabby

Beenie wrote: »

my late sister had a public health funeral. She had no savings or insurance so it had to be this way. We (mother and sister) were asked about funeral music and what info to give to the clergyman for his funeral service. The only things we couldn't choose were date and time - so we had an early (and usually unpopular) time slot. The service was exactly like any other funeral we have attended, and no hint of 'a paupers funeral' so people should not worry about that.

A friend, who works for a funeral director, tells me that they try to give the relatives at least a couple of choices for the date of the funeral. The main stumbling block with public health funerals appears to be that families don't like the fact that graves can't be marked with a headstone or other memorial.