Boyfriend not wanting to move in due to money?

Mojisola

PasturesNew wrote: »

Also, a year's no time at all. No time at all. You "hardly really know each other" to be honest.

That depends a lot on the couple. We were married before we'd known each other for a year but we got to know each other's families and friends (as well as each other) during that time so we were confident we were compatible.

Poor_Single_lady

Not projecting - and a bit off topic- but sometimes just occasionally 2 people meet who are just made for each other. And it’s not always so silly getting married or “knowing” that you’be found your soul mate early on.
Everyone is different and it’s not always the wrong decision for people.

If the man not wanting to move in was a woman people would be Saying don’t rush her, let her be independent for a bit longer. It won’t suit everybody living in someone else’s flat, and as somebody else said being reliant on the relationship for your home. Especially if you’ve done it before and experienced it not working out.

He’s not necessarily a bad guy but maybe he finds it hard to talk about big issues. Not necessarily up to no good.

Gavin83

Honestly a year is the absolute least amount of time at which point I'd consider moving in with a partner and even then I think that's short. You barely know each other after a year, only just over the honeymoon period and I'd rather be a bit more sure before moving in with someone. I think 18 months/2 years is a more realistic time period and I say this as someone the same age as you. It wouldn't mean I'm cheating, it would just mean I'd like to be 100% confident that this is a long term relationship and honestly I don't think a year is enough time to properly determine that.

The only friends I know who have lived together after a short period of time is because their circumstances have forced them to rather than actually wanting to. It doesn't appear to be the case here.

However I don't think a conversation asking where he sees you two going is a bad idea. It may put your mind at rest.

Comms69

I suspect he's just not ready for that commitment. He likes having his place to escape to.


Nothing wrong with that after a short period of time

charlotte1994

Something seems off to me. I wonder what he would say if you refused to let him stay with you, since he doesn't want to move in. I wouldn't let him, cite that it's because he doesn't contribute than that he can't be serious about your relationship if he doesn't want to move in. Most people would jump at the chance to move in with their partner and only pay £100 a month!!

goodwithsaving

charlotte1994 wrote: »

Something seems off to me. I wonder what he would say if you refused to let him stay with you, since he doesn't want to move in. I wouldn't let him, cite that it's because he doesn't contribute than that he can't be serious about your relationship if he doesn't want to move in. Most people would jump at the chance to move in with their partner and only pay £100 a month!!

I wouldn't. I value my independence and would prefer to pay my own bills etc. to facilitate that.
Everyone is different.

kazwookie

Go and stay with him at his house / flat, or just turn up.

Have you ever been to his?

I think something is not quite right with his set up.

financegeek

I don't think there's anything wrong with not wanting to move in with a partner after a year necessarily. He may not be ready for that commitment yet and want the comfort of having his own place to go back to.

in terms of your property, is it truly big enough for both of you and all your stuff? or could it be that he's worried you'll feel on top of each other and he won't have enough space once he moves in?

His reasons for not moving in however seem a bit woolly and potentially not quite the truth. If he wasn't ready he could have just said he preferred the stability of his own place. I'd see how you feel when you speak to him again as you may get a better feeling as to what his real issue is.

whatever happens, i hope it all works out

Runningfast

After my last relationship I would not let anyone push me or question my motives for not wanting to move in even after 2 years ever again. I moved in before I wanted to when the relationship wasn't as stable as it should have been and it turned in to hell pretty quickly. I will not be making that mistake again!!

Honestly 1 year, just enjoy the relationship and let it develop.

Thos instantly jumping to conclusions about something being off are being pretty childish on this one.

onomatopoeia99

charlotte1994 wrote: »

Most people would jump at the chance to move in with their partner and only pay £100 a month!!

I wouldn't. I have a house that suits me, with mortgage etc and I wouldn't give that up for cheap rent somewhere else.


I suppose it depends where you are in your life. If you're already renting then I imagine it would be more appealling, though cohabiting comes with its own pitfalls, especially in someone else's house.