Boyfriend not wanting to move in due to money?

Aggie_88

Thanks for all the replies, well at least most of them are helpful.

Just to be clear I don't see the reason for him to contribute at the moment, it doesn't cost me anything to have him over and he does have the rented property to take care of and a longer commute. He does contribute to food/going out etc and I'm happy with that.

Ilona

Aggie, you need to separate your head from your heart. He's got it made with you, he wants to keep the arrangement as it is, why should he rock the boat.

One year is no time at all, see if you are still together after five years, then see what the situation is.

You're making excuses for him, you are happy to keep a man, let him stay, feed him, have him in your bed. Whoa girl. A partnership is two people, it all seems a bit one sided to me. Back off, make excuses that you are busy, find yourself some friends, tell him he can't come over, then see what he does.

ilona

DUTR

Ilona wrote: »

Aggie, you need to separate your head from your heart. He's got it made with you, he wants to keep the arrangement as it is, why should he rock the boat.

Agreed

One year is no time at all, see if you are still together after five years, then see what the situation is.

Agreed again, a better time scale
You're making excuses for him, you are happy to keep a man, let him stay, feed him, have him in your bed. Whoa girl. A partnership is two people, it all seems a bit one sided to me. Back off, make excuses that you are busy, find yourself some friends, tell him he can't come over, then see what he does.

ilona

A partnership indeed often is two people, from the OP's partner's perspective (ruling out he is attached elsewhere) , when the time is right, then the Op can suggest getting a place TOGETHER for them to share.
Personally from the bloke's perspective, I would not want to give up my home to move in with someone where if it all goes sour, they can put me on the streets.
I'm not saying any of that is the case here, just that it could also be one of his reasons.

BAFE

Are you sure he's renting with a friend and not actually in a relationship with someone else?

HampshireH

There are some harsh/unnecessary comments on these forums where every relationship gets questioned for cheating etc.

There isn't anything the OP has said which leads me to suspect her partner is in a relationhip with someone else.

A LOT of people have their own place when in a relationship and a lot don't wish to give that up. He could be using the money side of things as an excuse because he is happy right now and not ready to move into someone elses house where he isn't an equal. (I.e. not contributing to mortgage etc) but may be open to a joint venture in the future where he feels its 50/50 perhaps?

He may not be the bad guy in all this. May enjoy the relationship as it is now. May like living with his mate 5% of the time and my just not be ready after 12months to move in.

OP perhaps you need to talk to your partner and make sure you are on the same page long term.

Short term if it isnt broken why fix it?

SnuggleBuggles

HampshireH wrote: »

There are some harsh/unnecessary comments on these forums where every relationship gets questioned for cheating etc.

There isn't anything the OP has said which leads me to suspect her partner is in a relationhip with someone else.

A LOT of people have their own place when in a relationship and a lot don't wish to give that up. He could be using the money side of things as an excuse because he is happy right now and not ready to move into someone elses house where he isn't an equal. (I.e. not contributing to mortgage etc) but may be open to a joint venture in the future where he feels its 50/50 perhaps?

He may not be the bad guy in all this. May enjoy the relationship as it is now. May like living with his mate 5% of the time and my just not be ready after 12months to move in.

OP perhaps you need to talk to your partner and make sure you are on the same page long term.

Short term if it isnt broken why fix it?

This!! Well said, Hampshire H!

SnuggleBuggles

Oh and good luck going forward OP x

Aggie_88

Thanks, I appreciate what you said.

I know this is a money forum but partnership is not all about money , he might not pay the bills but there is a lot he does for me.

I am going to talk to him, that was always the plan

trailingspouse

I run a business where we sub-contract, and have sent contractors all over the world. I know a lot of contractors. And yes, I've come across one or two who like to have a little something going on wherever they happen to be, despite having a spouse back home.



A couple of questions you might like to ask him when you have your chat, just for your own peace of mind.

1) Where is 'home'? If his rent is truly tax deductible, then he has another home somewhere else. Or he's fiddling the tax man. It's one or the other.

2) How long is his contract? And what are his plans after that?


He may just not feel ready to move in with you - but I also think there's enough doubt in your mind that you need to get to the bottom of things.

mattpaint

PasturesNew wrote: »

He's just not that into you. If he were keen then all other thoughts would go out of the window.

Also, a year's no time at all. No time at all. You "hardly really know each other" to be honest.

Sorry but this sounds like a dreaming teenager's advice.

Have you ever been in an adult relationship?