In a mess, need some perspective, SOA

YORKSHIRELASS

Unicorn_cottage wrote: »

Another thing we are forgetting and another motivating force for the OP is that this isn't forever. If the financial strategy is followed through then the OP will be in fantastic financial shape very soon and then ALL their money will be theirs to do as they wish. Woo hoo!

Now that made me smile! Thank you.

EssexHebridean

Keep posting YorkshireLass - there will always be someone about who can help even if it's just by making you smile! Maybe think about starting your own debt Free diary on the diaries board to track your progress?

getmore4less

Unicorn_cottage wrote: »

Another thing we are forgetting and another motivating force for the OP is that this isn't forever. If the financial strategy is followed through then the OP will be in fantastic financial shape very soon and then ALL their money will be theirs to do as they wish. Woo hoo!

A big part of that will be the saving for future self, retirement planning.

Something that will need looking at once there is a working plan in place for the mortgage and debts.

warby68

Really glad your OH has agreed to sit down together and face it properly.

He sounds like he loves what he does - that doesn't always make for the most 'commercial' decisions as the hobby/personal element to it can be stronger than the 'this is how we provide for ourselves' bit.

Again, that can easily happen when the other partner provides and sorts and organizes everything so the above can carry on.

A bit of a shift of balance sounds like it will work wonders and the sums others have done show your situation isn't dire, especially with sons moving towards independence. I FULLY understand supporting sons a while longer into adulthood, especially when they're working hard to achieve a goal. Its only like the university years for others.

Good luck with it all

YORKSHIRELASS

Have had a chat about money tonight. DH is going to increase his charge out rate, look for extra work and if necessary will think about a part time job to fit around self employment. I am not totally convinced, it feels like he still doesn't really get it and is saying this to make me feel better.

We were meeting up with friends at Easter for a couple of nights and I have cancelled this. I suppose ultimately this is what will hit home with DH, that we truly can't afford any luxuries. I did also say that I have been shouldering this debt and bringing in 2/3 of our income and I hope that will hit home.

Time will tell. I may just start a diary, it might help to keep focussed.

nomorecredit

Just wanted to pop in to say Hi from one Yorkshire lass to another. :wave:

Sorry I can't give any advice but looks like the lovely MSE's have been fab as usual. Just wanted to wish you good luck in your journey you appear so determined, you got this x I will be sure to keep an eye out for your diary if you decide to do one.

Hope you have a lovely weekend

NMC x

getmore4less

YORKSHIRELASS wrote: »

Have had a chat about money tonight. DH is going to increase his charge out rate, look for extra work and if necessary will think about a part time job to fit around self employment. I am not totally convinced, it feels like he still doesn't really get it and is saying this to make me feel better.

We were meeting up with friends at Easter for a couple of nights and I have cancelled this. I suppose ultimately this is what will hit home with DH, that we truly can't afford any luxuries. I did also say that I have been shouldering this debt and bringing in 2/3 of our income and I hope that will hit home.

Time will tell. I may just start a diary, it might help to keep focussed.

I have a bit of a thing about barclays reserve mortgages because of the way they implemented them a lot of people got caught out.
So I checked if you had looked at that before.

It will be worth reflection on the last time you queried the reserve situation and how things were then and how they are now.

There may be something in that journey you can use to re-enforce the situation into hubby's head.

The key will be sticking with a plan as the mortgage deadline can no longer be delayed.
I would encourage a diary and regular budget reviews with hubby and the kids.
Make the all stakeholders in the project.

belfastgirl23

Just to say well done on facing this YorkshireLass. To my mind there are two parts to this, what you can do yourself and what you need other people to do. In the end you can’t change other people and whilst I totally agree with the other posters here that a big part of the issue is how your husband has been behaving, you can’t MAKE him be any different.

I just want you to acknowledge this to yourself as I think some of the ‘you have to just tell your husband he’s a bad guy’ type posts are very unhelpful and to me, they put more pressure on you to ‘make’ him change. Absolutely you are right to tell him you’re very worried and that the debt has to be addressed. And that you are taking on extra work that you don’t want, and that you and your sons are making sacrifices. But your husband needs to decide for himself what he will do, he’s an adult and needs to take some responsibility for things.

In your shoes I’d be inclined to say that I trust him to do the right thing for the family and really praise the suggestions he’s come up with and any efforts he makes towards implementing them. Tell him how relieved you feel that he’s taking some of the weight off your shoulders rather than start laying down red lines. Make him feel good about any attempts to change rather than bad. We all respond better to praise than criticism and no one likes to be made to feel ashamed or small. And in these circumstances you will also most likely feel better for seeing the good in people rather than focusing on their flaws.

Lastly, it sounds like you’ve raised two good and responsible young men, give yourself (and indeed your husband) a lot of credit for that, a lot of young people would not react in this way. Well done.

JayRitchie

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

Lastly, it sounds like you’ve raised two good and responsible young men, give yourself (and indeed your husband) a lot of credit for that, a lot of young people would not react in this way. Well done.

This. You sons sound like a real credit to you. Both progressing in life and able to behave responsibly with money.

OP - If you need help with supporting your son with student finance please post on here and people will be able to point you in the right direction.

zippygeorgeandben

Well I've read this post from start to finish and it's one I intend to continue to follow. Maybe I can offer advice along they way?!
Why do I like this post?
1) Don't start a debt free diary as I never bother looking at them (too many of them filled with ready made excuses as to why they've got into so much debt)
2) No excuses being made by the poster (i.e. should have planned for this and wish I had done etc.)
3) Even though wanting the husband to contribute more, isn't going into a character assassination.
which leads me onto..
4) Not getting embroiled in posts where two other contributors are not actually offering advice and solutions but having a go at one another
5) Not being over sensitive to ANY suggestions being made by other posters
6) Getting amazing advice and guidance from established MSE's on this page.

Please keep on going, keep us updated and enjoy the rest of the weekend!