Do your friends think you are daft for trying to pay off your debts?

leicestersq

I bet that no one likes being in debt. When people say that you need to live your life now, all they are doing is denying that which they know to be true. Dont be hard on people for doing this, because we all suffer from denial. It takes time to think things through and make real changes, and not all of us can make the change.

When you tell people that you have changed, and are living a lifestyle that seeks to cut your debt or save money, what you tell you friends can feel to them like a threat to their world view. They can react negatively not just to the idea, but to you as well.

Also bear in mind that the way we are built, it is difficult for us to go against an overwhelming majority. Even when logically we have come to the conclusion that the crowd is wrong, there is something wrenching inside of us that tells us to go with them. I think of Christian Bale's character Michael Burry in the big short. It was only his autistic behaviour and total belief in the numbers rather than opinions, that allowed him to continue with investing his clients money in the right place. Everyone else was telling him to change course, how many of us could have put our hands on our hearts and say that we wouldnt have folded under that emotional duress?

When dealing with a group of friends, I would suggest gently saying how you feel uncomfortable with debt, and that you are going to change your life to consume less now, in order to feel better about things. Say no more than that and dont criticise others for their behaviour. Those few words may give others pause for thought. If you directly attack someone's world view, you may hurt them, lose a friend, and entrench their beliefs.

TripleH

I think part of the problem is that it is easy to live too much in the 'now' for a lot of people.

It can be quite easy to see a 'bargain' that is only available for a short period of time so you get out your credit card and spend thinking wow this £200 coat only cost me £180 and forget that unless you pay off your card, by the time it's paid off the same item could cost more than the original full price.

determined_new_ms

I've been thinking about this thread and wanted to say a couple of things.

Firstly we cleared all our consumer debt in 2010 (we borrowed £5k off the inlaws when we bought our house then our financial situation changed so it took till 2016 to repay it all). Since then not 1p of interest has been paid to the bank for the pleasure of buying stuff (obvs now we have a mortgage so we are again paying interest). All of the money that goes to service the interest of buying stuff people with debts have to pay out we have to spend as we choose - overdraft fees/charges, credit card interest/charges, loan interest or balance transfer fees all now in our disposable cash. When we've wanted to buy something bigger and wanted to spread the cost instead of using our savings we've taken out a 0% purchases card and paid off over the 0% interest period. Then on top of that we have received positive interest on our accounts/savings. Not loads but over the last year roughly £350.

Secondly I don't look to my friends for approval of how I live my life. I think most of us want to have our friends admiration but I don't think their way of looking at life is more right than mine, for me (that sounds garbled but I know what I mean!) I have a friend who is much more extravagant with money than me. And at times when I am at her house, which is much more lovely than mine I do question my approach and wish I had a bit more of her financially free attitude. But I am more or less happy with second hand furniture and household things (the things I'm not happy to compromise on we buy new but mostly I'm happy with a secondhand sofa/bed frame/laptop etc etc) and I don't think the cost of having the things she has would be enough of a trade off to give up what we gain from the 1st point above.

So I'm happy for her she's happy with her approach but it doesn't mean it's the one for me. We had 18 months where I took off of work because my mental health wasn't great. It was tight but there was real financial freedom with being able to step out of work and still be ok.

Do your thing and let others do their

EssexHebridean

leicestersq wrote: »

I bet that no one likes being in debt.

I think part of it is that a lot of people don't see overdrafts, credit cards or even loans as "being in debt" - it's just considered to be the way things work. "In debt" for a lot of people is not being able to pay the bills, risking bankruptcy, that sort of thing. If the outgoings can be met from month to month, so many people don't look at the what-ifs.

Pension_Geek

TripleH wrote: »

I think part of the problem is that it is easy to live too much in the 'now' for a lot of people.

It can be quite easy to see a 'bargain' that is only available for a short period of time so you get out your credit card and spend thinking wow this £200 coat only cost me £180 and forget that unless you pay off your card, by the time it's paid off the same item could cost more than the original full price.

This is very true! My gran always said a bargain is only a bargain if you had the money to buy it a were going to buy it anyway!

I have started deleting any emails I get with offers. For those that are prone to temptation, it could be one thing you could do!

Re friends, they might say. think what you miss out on, but in 5 years time, when they cant afford something big, like a friends wedding/holiday/new house, theyll hardly say 'oh but i had that great night out'. Fear of missing out is a fallacy!

theoretica

I see it that whenever I spend money that I haven't yet earned I am taking away my freedom in future. I like having the freedom to choose not to earn much money and live as cheaply as possible, or to choose what I spend my earnings on, not be working for something that is over and gone. Many of my friends do think I am weird.

BigDreams

Thank you every one for your replies they are much appreciated.
Big Dreams

kwame41

Ask some of your 'friends' after they have experienced the misery that debt can cause.

The answer that comes back will be very different.

Stick to your plan.

System

Debt costs money. simple. The interest that debt accumulates is literally money to the wind. you are just burning money with no benefit when you have debt. Does your friend enjoy just throwing money away?

I'm not saying don't spend on what you want (everyone should!) If you want to splash 20k on a holiday then all power to you. You absolutely should spend on what you enjoy while you are on earth. But spend disposable capital. To get in debt to do it makes no sense at all. Its like saying im going to spend 20k on a holiday and when I get there I'm going to burn 10 grand for the hell of it.

You will ALWAYS be richer both actually and mentally if you stay out of debt. debt free feels great!

another_casualty

There is nothing worse than putting your card in a whole in a wall/ paying for groceries in the supermarket with your card ,only to be told "insufficient funds.."
Then, when you panic and look at your mini statement from your bank telling you you have gone way over your overdraft limit..

Big Dreams , that could happen to you people with your friends mentality ,and that is depressing .