Do your friends think you are daft for trying to pay off your debts?

EssexHebridean

normanna wrote: »

I totally agree. Losing a friend because they didn't congratulate you is very sad. They might have money issues and simply did not want to enter into a conversation with you about it or simply didn't care. If the friendship was truly a good one I would be apologising to them to try to rekindle the friendship if that's what you want.

We repaid our mortgage in our 30s through a combination of studying hard, working very hard at well paid jobs, and not buying the latest stuff but still hugely enjoying life. Some of our close relatives have entered into debt management plans simply due to bad financial management and living for today and not thinking about tomorrow. We don't share our financial circumstances with our friends and wouldn't dream of telling others just to be congratulated or tell others how to live their life.

When my relatives whinge and moan about their money issues I turn a deaf ear - they were warned by their parents, I offered advice (asked for) but they carried on regardless.

The friendship wasn't a good one - it was a toxic one, and this was brought home to me in a rather significant way a year later, that was just the first warning shot across the bow that I ignored at the time, and was not what caused the friendship to dissolve. with hindsight I wish I HAD taken more notice at the time - I might not have ended up in a rather dangerous situation otherwise.

I'm sure you're right that they simply didn't care - but I can't imagine a situation in which someone I claim is a "good friend" of mine has some good fortune or good news of that type and I can't find it in myself to say "that's amazing, you must be so pleased!" or words to that effect. I don't find myself needing to be on an even footing with someone before I can be pleased for them, thank goodness!

Avogirly

AngiBear wrote: »

What you are doing is a good thing and you know it makes sense too. You can still live for today and have a fantastic time without having to buy it on a credit card.

I haven't been on here for ages as I've kind of fallen off the wagon.......this ^^^ quote is just brilliant and I'm so pleased to have opened this as my first thread since returning.
Thanks OP, you are definitely doing the right thing...:D

David2Prit

Fast forward 10 years - you are debt free and loving life (hopefully), they are on here asking for help.

It’s never a bad thing wanting to pay your debt and be financially sound.

Keep it up!

Chandelier.

I've had debt before, worked hard to pay it all off and I'm now in a nice position where I can save a good chunk.

I have one current debt at the moment which lies at £600. It's on 0% until December. I'm paying the minimums whilst saving other funds aside in a 5% account. When that matures, I'll use it to pay off whatever is left over. I could pay it all off right now if I wanted to but I'm letting it tick over.

I'd rather have my money work for me rather then work for my money, if that makes sense.

I've known people in awful debt scenarios which made me anxious and more determined to save. One family member had 38k worth of debt at the age of 23, which was astounding and all he had to show for it was a shiny new car and all the other money frittered away. Another family member decided to fund her cruise holidays twice a year for her and her partner and is now in 22k debt at the age of 26, and now ex partner.

It's different for everyone.

I personally, much prefer to save for everything. All my money has a purpose and should unexpected things happen, I have a bit of a safety cushion there to deal with it.

Mnd

I agree, pay off your debts and live within your means.

For inspiration read some of the debt free wannabe threads and make sure you don't end up worrying yourself like some of those posters do.

AliceBanned

I thought attitudes were changing. From personal experience it's better to stick to a budget and save. Debt might not seem so serious to the friends you were talking to but it can really stop you having fun and experiencing the things you want to. It can cause a lot of stress and hardship. I would ignore them and do what feels right for you. Some people take a while before they can face up to the reality (and even fulfilment !)of budgeting and your friends sound like this may be them (or their parents or someone else are loaded and have always bailed them out).

enthusiasticsaver

There is definitely a live for today attitude which is rife, even on this forum but then people tend to find when they still have to work into their late 60s and 70s because they have debt and cannot afford to retire that is when remorse sets in. Controlled debt with a plan to repay is fine and there has to be a balance between living, repaying debt and saving but if people are constantly borrowing from their future selves they usually find it catches up with them sooner rather than later. Often when they have to cope with redundancy, illness, lack of overtime, maternity leaves or retirement or even death and almost always when they least expect or are prepared for it.


We are a different generation to you (58 years old) but rarely spoke about finances to our friends and colleagues even though debt averse. We saved, overpaid into our mortgage and our pensions and were fortunate enough not to encounter any of the life changing situations above so retired early with no debt or mortgage and a savings buffer. Many of our friends have done the same so maybe it is a generation thing. I have drummed the message of only 0% debt with a plan to repay, live within budget save and overpay mortgage so many times into my children I hope that they will not fall into the trap of your friends and many others. It is not only your generation though. I think the availability of easy 0% credit has given many the idea that it is ok to be in debt constantly. Well done for bucking the trend but maybe just look after your finances and don't mention to your friends. They may find themselves experiencing bankruptcy which is not quite such a nice experience if they persist in living outside their means.

kangoora

They are the mugs and also the ones who are going to be sat in their cubicles into their 60's praying for the day they can draw their pension and finally stop working (if they aren't in too much debt that they can never retire).

Once you've cleared the debt I strongly suggest (if you haven't already) take a good look at your pension situation and maybe read up on the pensions board here on MSE. There is an LBM for pensions as well as debt. If you are early 40's then you are roughly halfway through your working life. If you want to retire at, say 60, you have only 20 years to save up enough to cover 8 years of expenditure AND have enough to live comfortably in retirement post 68 when you have your state pension.

I had my pension LBM late at 46 but due to the fact I have always maxed my pension provisions and some fortunate circumstances I was able to retire at 55.

You don't get any people posting on here saying "I wish I had more debt" or people on the pensions board saying "I wish I had put less into my pension".

David2Prit

Exactly, what above said.

I want to retire by the time I’m 60, everything baring these niggly bits of debt ( I have a plan for these and it’s working and doesn’t take a lot of my money at the moment - CCJ’s which judge ordered I pay a total of £30 a month.... pfft... already had them offer me 50% discount to clear, I’ll try get that to 60-75%) are going towards mortgage, pension, savings etc, but still being able to live my life. I don’t want to work until I’m 68. I have a great pension (civil service), so will need an 8-10 yr buffer.

I’ll still do most things I do now, which I’m happy with, but having a plan going forward is great.
Being sensible doesn’t mean restricting everything you do, still go out for those meals, holidays, buy the nice things, but just know as and when to do it.
Next month I’m going to Vegas, and have saved nearly 4 grand using methods I used when I was budgeting when snowed under.

So when your friends ask in a few years time how you are doing, you can reply great, whilst they are most likely tightening belts.

Sanctioned_Parts_List

I've found that what friends say while in a group, and what they say privately, rarely matches. Best thing is to keep plugging away quietly at the debts. When your friends are ready to follow your lead, they'll ask.

Whether it's cutting back on the sauce, taking up running, or living within your means, somebody in the group has to be first. The rest will follow eventually.