Death of estranged brother

Gallantjaguar1

During the past week, we have learned of the death of a brother- let's call him Sandy.
Sandy moved away from the family town many years ago, he had married and divorced within a couple of years and has been on his own for around 30 years, he has no children. Sandy hasn't worked in 40 years, he was a heavy smoker and the past few years had been getting around by use of a mobility scooter. He made no will and has no life insurance. Sandy disowned his family many years ago. He has 4 surviving brothers although another brother has been disowned too, so that leaves 3 brothers to sort out the affairs.
Just after Christmas there was a Facebook appeal by the police looking for the family of Sandy, who had passed away under no suspicious circumstances the previous Saturday. My eldest brother (Bert) contacted the police to say he was a brother. Bert drove the 90 miles to confirm the body was Sandy and was given the keys to the rented accommodation where Sandy lived. On entering the property Bert found the house was in a mess and was stinking. During his scout around the house Bert found a bank statement which was from the beginning of December stating Sandy had £300 in his account at that time. Bert contacted myself and my other brother (John) and told us what he had found. Bert was told that he has 28 days to clear the property including carpets and suggested to myself and John that between the 3 of us - with some help we could hire a van and clear the house in a day sharing that cost, but - and here comes the callous part - neither of us want to pay for disposal of Sandy's body as we all feel that because he disowned us why should we pay for his death. Is there anything we can do.

elsien

You don't have to arrange or pay if you don't want to. The local authority will arrange a basic public health funeral if there is no one else willing or able to do so. Look up public health funerals (previously known as paupers funerals) in his area.

henry24

Just get on and pay for his funeral, he's still your brother so share the cost between the 3 of you. If it had been my brother has left a fortune would you have said I don't want it who do I give it to?

Mojisola

Gallantjaguar1 wrote: »

Sandy disowned his family many years ago.

My eldest brother (Bert) contacted the police to say he was a brother. Bert drove the 90 miles to confirm the body was Sandy and was given the keys to the rented accommodation where Sandy lived.

Sandy had £300 in his account at that time.

Bert was told that he has 28 days to clear the property including carpets and suggested to myself and John that between the 3 of us - with some help we could hire a van and clear the house in a day sharing that cost, but - and here comes the callous part - neither of us want to pay for disposal of Sandy's body as we all feel that because he disowned us why should we pay for his death.

Is there anything we can do.

None of you need to do anything.

It's not your responsibility to sort out his flat or arrange a funeral.

HampshireH

As above. You don't have to do anything.

You could let the council / landlord know he has died and take them the keys and state you wish to have no involvement. Alternatively send the keys anonymously with a note explaining the circumstances. (This makes like much easier for the LL especially if accompanied by a copy of the death certificate)

It seems a little odd you will pay for a van and disposal but not disposal of the body. Why bother doing the hard work in clearing the property when you don't need to?

The landlord will serve notice and take back possession after a period of time.

DigForVictory

You can be money saving & let the state pick it up. You can cooperate with that with the relevant paperwork.

Just he was your brother, once. By abandoning him now, you rather lose the moral high ground over his conduct on life.

It has to be you & your remaining acknowledged brothers choice, but Bert has managed to put some of the past behind him. Might it be a comfort in future years for you to think you think the same?

Flugelhorn

the cost of funerals really should come out of the individuals estate, in cases where there does appear to be no funds available then families often feel they ought to pay for it.

They don't have to, but if they really want to do so then look at "direct cremation" as this will be the lowest cost - the £300 will go towards it and you can split the rest between you.

If you don't want to do this then it will be up to the local authority who won't be at all surprised that this is happening. They will arrange a "public health funeral" - simple service at the crematorium either early morning or much later in the day

paddy's_mum

henry24 wrote: »

Just get on and pay for his funeral, he's still your brother so share the cost between the 3 of you. If it had been my brother has left a fortune would you have said I don't want it who do I give it to?

Had Sandy left a fortune, the dilemma would not arise in the first place!

I wonder, henry24, if you have ever been so badly treated by a relative that you are left with scars that you will carry for the whole of your life - physically, emotionally and mentally.

I have a close relative that began his cruelty and criminality before I was even born and his conduct, selfishness and utter disregard for other people has damaged my (still living) mother, myself and my two sisters. We are now all in our sixties so not spring chickens who can't work out what's right and what's wrong.

There is no way on this earth that I would "get on and pay for his funeral" nor do I consider him a legitimate member of my family despite what the birth death and marriage certificates might say.

Not everything is as straightforward and let's-play-nicely as your comment seems to imply, hence the ambivalent feelings of the OP.

I do, however, respect your right to have and express your opinion.

Dox

I assume this is a real post, and not one of those daft contrived 'dilemmas' so beloved of this site - but why post it at all? What on earth do the views of a bunch of strangers matter to you? Nobody here can validate your decisions or give good advice based on a few lines of carefully selected information.

If you feel you should do something, do it. If you don't, don't.

No point agonising about it.

ViolaLass

Dox wrote: »

I assume this is a real post, and not one of those daft contrived 'dilemmas' so beloved of this site - but why post it at all? What on earth do the views of a bunch of strangers matter to you? Nobody here can validate your decisions or give good advice based on a few lines of carefully selected information.

If you feel you should do something, do it. If you don't, don't.

No point agonising about it.

They didn't - they asked whether there were any alternatives.

Yorkshireman99

Dox wrote: »

I assume this is a real post, and not one of those daft contrived 'dilemmas' so beloved of this site - but why post it at all? What on earth do the views of a bunch of strangers matter to you? Nobody here can validate your decisions or give good advice based on a few lines of carefully selected information.

If you feel you should do something, do it. If you don't, don't.

No point agonising about it.

By what right do you think you can choose what people post here? There is no reason to think this, and the vast majority of posts on here, are not genuine. Bereavement is difficult to deal with and snide unhelpful remarks like yours have no place here. Coping with the death of a close relative, even an estranged one, often makes many people act in unusual ways particularly for those who have never had to deal with it before. Frankly if you can’t contribute positively then you should say nothing.