Staying on track to be MF and ready to support my daughter at 18

jennystarpepper

You need to look out for yourself first, this other person is certainly doing this.

You should say no as others have said.... gosh i'm annoyed for you.

If all or most of the communication has been by email,  I think you should drop them an email and confirm you could not help the first time they asked and the situation is still the same and copy in the reviewer saying no point in extending to September as your commitments / availability will not change.  I'd keep it short but sweet, why should you need to explain yourself?  Does this person have a line manager, can you send them a copy of their last email asking them to have a quiet word about this person making assumptions without knowing your work load? 

People do take advantage, Hold fast Xxx

Karmacat

Elmo, I'm just catching up after a few days away - I'm so glad you stayed with the "no".  This person is trying to manipulate you - your present course of action in staying with the no is absolutely the right one in response to this.  As Cheery first pointed out, you've been ill, you've been perilously near getting *really* ill.  Stay the course.  If you want a further justification - it's good modelling to everyone around you.  Say no and mean no, even if it's inconvenient to other people your "no" was considered, and it's been told to this other person several times.  

ElmoR

Thanks jenny and Karmacat.

No, no, no...and no. I keep practicing it. The GP already gave me a talking to and I let that get forgotten. Perhaps something has to snap before the automatic drive to do everything anyone asks is beaten into submission. It probably goes back to childhood and being guilt tripped all the time. Being fearful that if you aren't a 'good' person/colleague/whatever that all manner of terrible things will plague you. Urrghhh.

Anyway, after that rather naff start to the week, things quietened down. I had my last 5 day working week until September. Next week is a 2 day week, followed by the entire week following that one all annual leave. It was obvious that my brain is still scrambled to some extent, I had to take a nap on Friday afternoon at 2pm because it just felt completely drained. Like it was going to literally power down and go into sleep mode if I didn't hurry up and let it. Never had that happen before. Good job I was WFH. Many moons ago, while doing Army Reserves training weekends, I would arrive home in a state of complete exhaustion but that was physical and on Monday my cheek muscles hurt from all the laughing I had usually been doing while running around a field. Happy exhaustion. This is a brain battery flat type exhaustion?

Finances ticking along well. This is probably the making hay period before DD starts uni, or flight school, or whatever she does in autumn next year. Then it'll be a financial rearrangement to support her. A year to make as much hay as we can...In case anyone was following the passive v active investments story, FIL's active picks still doing worse than the passive picks.

Things to do over the next couple of weeks annual leave...gardening - the lawns always need sorting, weeding, a few more hedges to shave with the chainsaw. I tried to make one of the bushes look like a love heart shape last summer, it was more of a lop-sided blob, so will see if I can do better this time...take the puppy for a run in the secure hire field (she's been in season and we've not been able to let her run in the local park)...oh, and the clothes shopping trip with DD...

Have a good weekend all

ElmoR xx

ElmoR

Where did August go? Thankfully much of it was annual leave and downtime. Not sure if this is a thing, but a month of mostly chilling has left me feeling really tired?! Maybe it's the accumulated decade of stress and coming down that mountain, finally?  I literally start to fall asleep while reading mid afternoon. Never happened before. There's still a couple more weeks of p/t working using up the last of this year's annual leave to go. Then the new semester...looking like a tsunami wave on the horizon already...

So finance news. A giant hammer fell out of the sky and squashed my FIRE plan. A huge shame because I rather liked it and it was going well. I need more than a new FIRE plan, I need a new Life Plan. I've gone through anger, denial, back to anger, and now I'm at the 'act and do something about it' stage. It's a biggy though. The changes in sums would require a shift from the age 60 target to age 65, and I know that I can't stomach my current job that long, it already makes me feel unwell a lot of the time. I did think that maybe it's as simple as suck it up and do more gardening, detach yourself at work. But do that for 12 years?? That's not really living and having your best day everyday. Something more radical is needed.

Over a decade ago I read the Art of Being Brilliant and SUMO alongside each other, then applied it to a radical life overhaul. Ominously, something similar feels like it's needed. Again. Upheaval is so scary though. On the plus side, there is no mortgage to worry about, so the situation is better than the previous life change. DD has just one more year of sixth form and DH is ok with the possibility of a move. Will re-read the two books again and start the process of change...

Other news...cucumber and potato crop continuing. There's a lot of green cherry tomatoes too but I'm wondering if any will change to red before the growing season ends?!

It's the puppy's birthday next week - 1 year old! We have bought her some traffic cones as a birthday present. Running around with one in her mouth is her all time favourite past time. It will be good to make it legal, rather than theft, too.

Have a good weekend when it arrives all

ElmoR xx

Karmacat

Elmo, that sounds enormous.  Definitely life-changing.  And you're right, the best-case scenario is *not* trying to hold things together in an environment that's bad for you for *twelve* years.  Especially not when you're already suffering.  So, yep, focus in on those books that helped you in the past, and go for it.  Nothing is worth the sacrifice of your health, and you can see that that's where it's headed if you don't make changes, I can hear it.  Good luck.

jennystarpepper

Sending you a hug, if work is bad you are right it is not living.  Can you do anything to change it?

ElmoR

Thanks @Karmacat and @jennystarpepper Hugs are lovely

It's a bit naff when your plans go squiffy, huh. There's an 'event' on Monday which may, or more likely, may not change things and then, after that, I can start working on what's next. Bought a lovely eco-friendly notebook to develop ideas and hatch a new plan. In the past, it's been times like this that led to an upheaval but then also to a better place. There was a quote someplace along the lines of 'you have to lose site of land for a while, while you travel across the ocean to reach your new place'. Something like that?! *Slipping my boat into the water now...*

We had a fantastic day out yesterday, met up with mum/dad and some of our puppy's litter mates. They were totally having their best day! Running around as a pack and having a ball.

Not been sure what to do with finances this month. Normally I would lob as much as the SIPP as I could spare, but now I feel a bit less risk adverse, with the new uncertainty. So maybe will lob it at the S+S ISA instead. My *expletives* work pension is still getting a huge over payment of 16% each month on top of the 9% I have to pay (which I think goes up to 11% next year, not that it will matter with that giant O/P). If they introduce a higher rate of National Insurance then it may make sense to up the over payments by salary sacrifice further still and not bother with the second SIPP (which was going to be the bridging fund, but is now a defunct half-sized bridge) for a while.

ElmoR xx

Cheery_Daff

Sorry to hear about your derailed plans ElmoR 🙄 Most vexing. I hope you can do a good bit of plotting and scheming though and end up with an excellent plan for the future. 12 years in the same place is NOT sounding reasonable at all. Fingers crossed.

I confess I haven't followed what's been going on with UCU at all. I've got a small pension in there from old job which I'm no longer paying into, and which at last estimate will pay me about £2k a year I think, although by the time I actually retire it might have disappeared altogether 😮

Looking forward to hearing about all your future plans 😊

ElmoR

Morning all

My hippo wallowing period ended and it's back to the pumps with a new energy. Who knows how long it will last, but hopefully it will do so for a short while at least 

After some action, and a bit of fast paddling, I've managed to pull off a work promotion. It's a leadership role and comes with a bit of extra cash, which will go some way to cancelling out the pension scheme contribution/benefits set back. Dare I say, I've enjoyed the new working week so far. It's obvioulsy a honeymoon period, so let's just enjoy it while it lasts. Some of our research is taking off too, so proper rays of sunshine at work for once. Long may this continue...

Finances. Meh, letting the dust settle and will re-do spreadsheets etc in a few months once I know what impact the new salary has.

All good at home. DD started final year of school and seems happy with her studies etc. We'll be doing more open day visits this month and next. Puppy is fine. Moggies fine. Fingers crossed for one month with no vets trips?...Car service due though. The greenhouse is filled with a jungle of tomato plants laden with green ones that are now turning red. So will be making pasta sauce in bulk soon - home grown garlic, shallots, chillis and toms. Feeling very pleased about that Cucumbers still coming along too. Is it possible to freeze/pickle them to roast/bake later? Does that work?

Have a good weekend all,

ElmoR xx

South_coast

Well done on the quick turnaround and long may work be tolerable 🤞😀!