Potential partners ‘Son’ - not sure what to do

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

When somebody has been a parent for years, irrespective of a biological link (such as with adoptions), they are a parent. Even with no legal right to be recognised as such or what sounds like an incredibly callous act by the child's father to cut her out of the child's life, emotionally, she is that boy's mother and to believe it's possible to shrug it off in a year is unrealistic. Her ex seems to be extremely cold to both of them to put her in the role of mother and then just cut it off.

She will probably be grieving for her very real loss for a long, long time, just as if it were her biological child who had been taken or had it been due to bereavement.

None of this is necessarily a reason to back away if you like her - she is obviously caring, took on the role of mother without being required to do so (and most people, if asked, would have probably told her to run a mile from a man with so much baggage in case she was just being used to fill the gap) - and it would be more of a red flag if she didn't feel anything for a child who called her Mum.

The question is not whether you can deal with being a step parent, but whether you can deal with being there for somebody who is grieving the loss of her child just as much as had she given birth to him.

The choice is yours - but I would say that expecting her to get over it, shrug it off and go back to being the person she was before she looked after a neglected toddler, really isn't going to help, anymore than it would telling a mate they might as well get on with things and forget they were ever called Daddy.