*sigh* this may take a while

savingholmes

Agreed. Hope you have good weather where you are

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Felt a little underwhelmed (and a tad grumpy) yesterday.... supposedly Mother's Day and just a normal day of being taken for granted.  Neither DH or I have proactive siblings so EVERY year we have both our mums over.  They both expect a full on roast which entails an early start prepping.  I then had to go and collect them both, host all day and then drop them home in the evening. 
I got a grunted 'Happy Mother's Day' from 2 out of 5 children and a token gift from younger ones when my husband remembered to hand it over with them in the evening.  I know it's just a commercial day etc etc but I put such effort into thinking and planning for my kids' Birthdays and my DH's birthday and Father's Day that it rankles a bit.  I'd have been chuffed with a lie in to be fair  

tiger_eyes

I'm sorry it was underwhelming. Kids can be oblivious until they grow up and realise how much their parents did for them, and mothers are often stuck with emotional labour that should be shared equally. Consider going on strike next year? Just stay in bed and demand somebody bring you brunch.

PS: Happy Mother's Day!

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Thanks Tiger
I can't put my finger on what put me in such a bad mood for the day.  I think it's just the endless expectations of what I'll do - by DH, kids, our siblings, our parents.... you get the odd 'oh, you're so good' or 'you're so organised' and I want to turn round and say 'well, I have to be, because no other s0d will do it'.  And the more you do, the more that's expected.  And if you dare get a bit snippy or 'off', there's no recognition of why that might be.
I had an argument a while back with my brother about the fact he does nothing for mum - Christmas, Easter, Mother's Day, her Birthday etc etc and he was just 'do it or don't, I don't care and I'm not making you.  She can be on her own or you can invite her but don't whine at me and put your expectations on me'.  What can you say to that?  DH's brother is the same with their Mum.
I don't know, it's wearing thin and because I'm tired it's getting to me.

Drawingaline

I decided that once I was a mum myself, my mum would get a card, but I wouldn't go all out for her on mother's Day. I want to spend it with my children. Maybe I am wrong and a little hardhearted, but as a family we have never gone big on anything other than Xmas anyway. 

Yesterday I didn't even drop my mum's card off until gone 6pm.........

CRANKY40

It's the lack of acknowledgment I think. I had a bit of a face on yesterday but my teen appeared as I was making lunch and we had a lovely but well distanced chat for 15 minutes (he has covid but is almost over it now). It's not about the presents or cards, it's about how they make you feel. I felt unappreciated but after our chat it was like the sun had come out in my head. 

You do a lot for your family and a few coments like "thanks for all that you do" or "I love you" take so little time but mean so much. 

ohdearhowdidthathappen

Thanks DAL and Cranky
Makes a lot of sense DAL, DH says we should keep these days quieter but then I feel bad as both mums are on their own.  Will ponder for next year
Could be Cranky, you'd think that with 5 of them one of them would have made a bit of an effort.  My eldest kindly said to me that  I'm a rubbish mum so got the mother's day I deserved (she overheard me chatting to DH in the evening), so that summed up my year of mothering her nicely  

CRANKY40

I left home when I was 18. I'd be telling her that's she's free to do likewise. 

tiger_eyes

ohdearhowdidthathappen said:

Thanks Tiger
I can't put my finger on what put me in such a bad mood for the day.  I think it's just the endless expectations of what I'll do - by DH, kids, our siblings, our parents.... you get the odd 'oh, you're so good' or 'you're so organised' and I want to turn round and say 'well, I have to be, because no other s0d will do it'.  And the more you do, the more that's expected.

A couple of links that might speak to you:

The classic "My wife divorced me because I left dishes by the sink" where a husband finds out too late that doing his share of housework was important: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/she-divorced-me-i-left-dishes-by-the-sink_b_9055288

And a comic about the gendered labour of managing a household that typically falls unequally on women: https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/may/26/gender-wars-household-chores-comic

crunchy_time

Sorry it was underwhelming for you and goodness me that sounds like a very busy day. 

I find Mother’s Day overwhelming if im honest. I don’t have a particularly great relationship with my mum at the moment. Seeing all the adverts about being close to your mum is a real trigger to me and choosing a card is a nightmare. I’ve had to choose a basic happy Mother’s Day one as the other ones are just too much - at times, her behaviour has made me feel suicidal and she’s said some awful things to me so no, she isn’t the best mum ever, at least at the moment, although don’t get me wrong I am grateful for all she has done and I have had a great childhood.

My husband knows this and we don’t make it a big deal in our house. I have zero expectations and just said I’m not doing any housework all day but then I kicked myself for my own sexism!!

 The kids bought cards and flowers and I had breakfast made for me that was it and I don’t expect anymore. When they are older and have their own families I feel I will relieve them of the need to please me on Mother’s Day and spend it with their own families.

Maybe setting your own boundaries is a good idea.  Maybe there is an expectation that you enjoy doing it and that is the problem. Next year just say you are going to a spa for the day for a day off!!!!