Advice Please: Moving in together (new house) when 1 all ready has a mortgage.

poadb

Hi

I'm looking for advice please, hopefully from people who have done this sort of thing all ready, or currently going through the same (or perhaps want to in the future) on the following scenario.

Back story first......

I have children from a previous relationship. When my ex left, I took over the house and took her off the mortgage/deeds. I now have a new partner, and we're at the point in the relationship of considering living together.

However, new partner will not move in to my current home, due to it being a home I shared with my ex. Current partner still lives with her parents.

I'm conflicted, at the moment. I would like to move because I'm not really happy with the house. It was only ever meant to be a first home and once we outgrew the house we would move on. The children are getting older and we're reaching that point of outgrowing the house. But my "money" or investment is all tied up in this property.

From my new partners point of view, she would like to start fresh and get a joint mortgage, but of course I have to sell my property first.

There is a risk here, as you can probably see, that my house is a security blanket. If I were to sell, and put the money (the majority share in a joint venture) towards a new house, I stand to lose substantially (homeless, mortgage less/have to rent) should sh*t hit the fan/lightening strike twice and a 2nd relationship fails. We've never "lived" together, and when my partner stays at mine a few days a week she's effectively a guest; doesn't pay for anything or towards any bills etc. Being jointly responsible for a home might be a bit of a shock for her at first.

Here are some potential options:

1) Keep the house, rent it out and rent somewhere new? (new partner doesn't get any "investment" benefit this way and leaves me a backup plan.
2) Keep the house, buy somewhere new? - Get stung by additional home/buy-to-let stamp duty.
3) Sell the house for best price? Playing the frustrating waiting game and comes with the risk mentioned above.
4) Sell the house at potential loss? Not a favourable outcome, but at least the house is off my hands.
5) I try and see if I can buy a new house on my own, new home stays mine but then my borrowing is limited.

Bossypants

I would strongly recommend against any couple going straight from living apart to joint home-ownership, no matter the circumstances but especially if one has never really lived alone as an adult before. You don't really know how you're going to mesh as cohabiting partners before you try it, and she especially is unlikely to really know what her own habits are when outside the family home.

In sum, I would rent together first.

Jane_B

How much equity do you have in your home? As if its a lot (or a fair amount) there is an option 6) Sell your house but only invest some of the money made into the joint home with your new partner. Holding enough back, that if sh*t hit the fan again you have enough for a deposit on another home etc.

If thats not an option I would probably, in your position go with option 1

HampshireH

Is your partner in a position to get a mortgage?

I kind of understand her point but.....

On the other hand she wants you to leave your kids family home and risk your security by ploughing your money into another property (asume your kids have bedrooms at your place). Would she be happy with the other options you mentioned above i.e. not selling the house and therefore putting less money down on a new one. Keeping the old family home you had with your ex?

Do you want the hassle of being a landlord?

Personally i think if your ex is no longer anyway involved your gf should be considering the needs of you and your kids 1st and move in.

She can always make it her own so to speak.

Once you know living together works sell up and upgrade.

If it doesnt work out then she can go back home and you / kids haven't lost out financially/secuirty wise.

Probably an unpopular opinion but if your ex isnt a threat then I could see past the history of the house.

PasturesNew

I'd suggest:

6/ Wait.

How long have you known her? How old is everybody?

You've got reservations - anything to do with moving is, they say, one of the most stressful things you can do.... so to drag kids through that, while trying to keep the missus happy .... while she's at her parents home flicking through glossy magazines and mentally building "the perfect house" ... could all end up in the disaster you fear.

Wait.

There's no rush is there.

xylophone

You might buy another house in your own name only - your girlfriend could live with you in it, not contribute to the mortgage but pay only her share of the bills - she could then save as much money as possible with a view to buying a share of the property if you eventually decide to stay together.

quotememiserable

I'd say if you've got doubts, which you clearly have, don't do it. The only way a relationship can really relax is when you trust each other. If there are doubts in that department, it's not the right time.

quantumlobster

1) Keep the house, rent it out and rent somewhere new? (new partner doesn't get any "investment" benefit this way and leaves me a backup plan.

Bear in mind that being a landlord is a serious business commitment with a lot of legal responsibilities that can be expensive to discharge, and that it is a contractual arrangement that can take considerable time (to wit: months) to terminate, even if it goes smoothly.

AdrianC

poadb wrote: »

However, new partner will not move in to my current home, due to it being a home I shared with my ex.

What's that got to do with the price of fish? The ex won't still be living there.

I'm conflicted, at the moment. I would like to move because I'm not really happy with the house.
...
But my "money" or investment is all tied up in this property.

So, umm, you sell it and buy another one. It happens every day.

From my new partners point of view, she would like to start fresh and get a joint mortgage, but of course I have to sell my property first.

Yep. Have a search of this forum. The key word is "chain".

There is a risk here, as you can probably see, that my house is a security blanket.

You put that into your own head, you can get rid of it.

If I were to sell, and put the money (the majority share in a joint venture) towards a new house, I stand to lose substantially (homeless, mortgage less/have to rent) should sh*t hit the fan/lightening strike twice and a 2nd relationship fails.

The house is the least of your issues.

We've never "lived" together, and when my partner stays at mine a few days a week she's effectively a guest; doesn't pay for anything or towards any bills etc. Being jointly responsible for a home might be a bit of a shock for her at first.

Are you looking to move in with an adult as a partner, or to adopt another child?

Red-Squirrel_2

She sounds rather immature, still living with parents and jealous of an ex who is no threat at all.

Is she quite a bit younger than you?

Don’t even consider risking yours and your kids current stability for this woman. You must put your children first and if she doesn’t understand why you have to do that, it’s not going to work anyway.

tlc678910

Hi, If you do go ahead to buy with your partner you can do so as "tenants in common" rather than "joint tenants". That way you can protect your deposit (equity from your current property) and you can leave your share of the property to your kids if you choose to rather than your partner (in your will).

You may prefer to take life insurance to give your kids security if you died and allow your partner to keep the house in that circumstance. Where second families are involved this all needs thinking about.

Tlc