Discussing debt with my partner

getmore4less

HampshireH wrote: »

Who doesnt notice when their uber, takeaway and amazon purchases don't come out of their very tight budget each month.

This really doesnt sound legitimate. She must have known. How else did she think they were being paid for.

Were none of these ubers and takeaways shared and should be coming out of joint expenses.

gettingtheresometime

I got a loot card where by you add a sum of money & it works out how much is your daily budget.....certainly makes me think about each purchase.

ophiuchus

FBaby wrote: »

She is a careless spender.

Once food, shelter and clothing have been paid for, shopping is largely an emotional thing.

It could be that she needs to keep up appearances at work, going out to work lunches with colleagues, etc, or it might be other things.

£28k is not a bad income, and £300 a month all to yourself isn't bad, either. She needs to keep a spending diary if she's not sure where the money is going. My guess is it's on small things that don't seem much at the time, but all add up.

Fireflyaway

I agree with the posters who have expressed she won't change until she wants to.
I always spend more than I plan. It's usually on food and drink at work. 'just £5 or £10' but then add that up over a month it could be £100-£200 spent on bits and bobs with nothing to show for it.
Your partner just know from your last talks that you disapprove of debt. Could she have other debts that you don't know about? Do you both know how much all the household bills cost? What happens when an unexpected bill drops up? Reason I ask is she might keep things quiet and try to handle these issues rather than talk to you about it if past money conversations have turned into arguments for example.
So long as you know joint responsibilities are paid I don't think you can do much about her personal debt. Some people are not good at managing money and debt doesn't bother them the same as others. She may or may not change.

theoretica

sjwomersley wrote: »

I've spoken to her about it and she didn't realise her overdraft account was still linked up to Amazon, Uber, Just eat and a few other websites so she didn't know that account was being used.

Sounds like sitting down once a week for a few minutes, and checking through ALL of both your statements would be no bad thing. Even when you are sure nothing has been spent you want to check quickly for fraud. Has one of you paid for joint spending you want to rebalance? Does one of you need an extra tight week and so the other not suggesting a night out?

trailingspouse

Regardless of the size of the overdraft or the amount of 'fun money', I would have a major problem with the deception. That would be a deal breaker for me.


And if I had £300 to spare every month and an overdraft that worried the love of my life I would be throwing every penny at it to make it go away. That's what you do if you care for someone. Anything else is pure selfishness.



If you're not in it together, you're not in it at all.

april_hunt

I was in a similar situation with my partner. When we got together we had so many letters come through the door and I paid it off and he was paying me back. Last September time we had more letters come through December time I said to him that he needed to ring up and sort it all as I wasn't going into a marriage with all his debt - touch wood he's been doing just that paying it all off. He hates talking about money and finances he leaves it up to me because I know what I'm doing apparently - I'd like to think if I did I'd be a millionaire. Were due to get married in June we don't have the full amount but luckily my parents are helping us.
Good luck

[Deleted User]

I don't think she was worrying about wedding savings when she was over spending was she ?


It seems like you put forward a sensible plan to clear the over draft but perhaps she didn't see the £1500 debt as a major issue so listened to what you said and did her own thing anyway.


I agree with others in that £300 a month is not a lot for ' fun stuff ' that's only a tenner a day, very easy to spend