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Discussing debt with my partner

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  • Red-Squirrel_2Red-Squirrel_2 PPR
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    And to be fair upping spending would be my reaction to being told I couldn't spend...!!

    Self sabotage? Cutting off your nose to spite your face?

    It sounds like they’ve talked and agreed this plan and she’s not been able to stick to it for whatever reason, rather than she’s doing it deliberately to be petulant.
  • Just to be clear - I have never told her she couldn't spend. The £300 that's left after overdraft payments, bills and savings is there to spend on whatever she wants, whether that's a £300 handbag or 30,000 penny sweets.

    I know money is relative, but if you have £300 and no financial commitments for that money then I can't understand why that could ever be seen as a restrictive or menial budget.
  • moneyistooshorttomentionmoneyistooshorttomention PPR
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    Moneyistooshorttomention -

    I'm not sure how your analogy applies?

    A man telling me off about spending what is actually quite a small amount of money imo....

    ...which would have me querying with myself whether I wished to stay in the relationship or no....
  • Moneyistooshorttomention -

    I don't think this is the same thing.
  • Red-Squirrel_2Red-Squirrel_2 PPR
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    Just to be clear - I have never told her she couldn't spend. The £300 that's left after overdraft payments, bills and savings is there to spend on whatever she wants, whether that's a £300 handbag or 30,000 penny sweets.

    I know money is relative, but if you have £300 and no financial commitments for that money then I can't understand why that could ever be seen as a restrictive or menial budget.

    Does stuff like food and petrol come out of the joint ‘bills’ account?
  • BrassicWomanBrassicWoman Forumite
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    Sixth Anniversary 1,000 Posts Name Dropper Mortgage-free Glee!
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    Just to be clear - I have never told her she couldn't spend. The £300 that's left after overdraft payments, bills and savings is there to spend on whatever she wants, whether that's a £300 handbag or 30,000 penny sweets.

    I know money is relative, but if you have £300 and no financial commitments for that money then I can't understand why that could ever be seen as a restrictive or menial budget.


    Because you have no hankering for a £2k Chloe handbag,,,
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  • paddy's_mumpaddy's_mum Forumite
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    What does she say (exactly) she has spent the money on?

    You are able to have that honest conversation, aren't you?
  • onomatopoeia99onomatopoeia99 Forumite
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    A man telling me off about spending what is actually quite a small amount of money imo....

    ...which would have me querying with myself whether I wished to stay in the relationship or no....
    TBH I think it's him that should be questioning whether he wants to stay in a relationship with someone that cannot stick to a budget and is getting herself deeper and deeper into debt and seems unwilling to explain where the money is going or stick to a plan to tackle it.


    I'd have to think long and hard. I've seen where it leads and it is not good.
    INTP, nerd, libertarian and scifi geek. Home is where my books are.

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  • SystemSystem
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    I think you need to bite the bullet, sit down with her, ask her how this happened (shes spent the money on something, she doesnt have a gambling habit at all does she?) and agree to a plan going forward.

    This year, for the past 10 years ive had a £2000 overdraft that was costing aout £40 a month in charges. I honestly never thought i;d be free of it. That changed bcause i was lucky enough to be gifted £500 by my parents to go on holiday with (havent had one for 16 years), instead i paid off a quarter of my overdraft. My bf then came up with a plan that he would lend me the remainder, which he did. The overdraft is now gone, and i've so far paid him back £600 of £1500 that he lent me, i give him a set amount each week and anymore when i could afford it.

    Obviously £2200 is a lot more to lend someone and i dont recommend it unless you are sure you'll pay her back but tbh it actually helps me massively that my debt is to my bf. When it was just the overdraft it was easy to ignore (as i did for a decade) but knowing i owe him is making me more conscious of my spending and encouraging me to pay him back asap.
  • gettingtheresometimegettingtheresometime Forumite
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    Do you think she's got debts you don't know about?
    Lloyds OD / Natwest OD / PO CC / Wescott / Argos Card / JD Williams cleared :) thanks to the 1 debt v 100 day challenge
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