Don't fit in with work

TBagpuss

I'd agree with the suggestion to try to get a proper assessment to determine whether you do have autism , as if you do, and get a diagnosis, you might then be able to get advice about coping strategies, and may also be able to ask your employer for specific accommodations.

Another option might be to think about whether you might find it easier to cope if you worked part time - for instance, if you could negotiate a 4 day week, perhaps with Wednesdays off, so you had a bit of a break each week.

Have you considered jobs where you don't need to spend so much time dealing with others? Possibly working remotely, or in a role which involves more independent work. If you can manage to save enough to take time off, perhaps you could look at whether there is some training you could do during that time.

theoretica

I would temper the enthusiasm about getting an official diagnosis, having watched a friend go through it. Much wrestling with a system which was only expecting children, and huge investment of time, energy and advocacy for little practical help in the end, most of which was available without formal diagnosis. I hope others have had a better experience seeking a diagnosis. Certainly a discussion with your doctor might be useful, depending on the doctor, and could include how much a formal diagnosis might help. Many of the coping strategies can be tried without need for a formal diagnosis and work as a simple trial and error.

Dark_Star

Could you volunteer at an animal rescue place at weekends?


They sometimes have paid jobs but these can often (not always) go to volunteers. So if you were volunteering then you'd know if any paid jobs came up.


Volunteer in a charity bookshop e.g. Oxfam has dedicated bookshops, so do "The Lions" (bit like a Rotary Organisation) maybe there is something in your area?


Can you work part time/locally/or from home? Perhaps just go into the office once a week?


Maybe find work that you can like & can tolerate the people but go part time & volunteer at something you LOVE in your free time.


More life/less work - balance...


Lots of options. Good luck.

jonnygee2

Much wrestling with a system which was only expecting children, and huge investment of time, energy and advocacy for little practical help in the end, most of which was available without formal diagnosis.

My friends experience was almost completely opposite. Not just a friendly and helpful staff, but a life changing diagnosis and resulting support network. The process was long though - several months. It probably depends completely on geography.

Still, the main reason to pursue a formal diagnosis would be to get employers to make reasonable adjustments, like changing responsibilities or work patterns. Saying 'I think I have autism' isn't going to go down well!

And maybe this is personal, but if thought I'd prefer to know rather than go through life thinking I *might* have it. But I can also see why someone might not want to get officially diagnosed too.

fishybusiness

I would temper the enthusiasm about getting an official diagnosis

Agree, very little support after diagnosis in my part of the world, much like here it is, handing the final large document during discussion, and if you have any problems come back.

Translated as off you go and find yourself.

Fireflyaway

Lots of interesting ideas, thanks everyone.
I feel the Autism suspicion does need investigating. Will try to see how I can go about it.
Volunteering is something I feel strongly about. I used to be a volunteer manager. Just don't have the time.
I only went back full time just over a year ago. For 12 years I worked part time and it was easier to manage. However I think I'd feel a bit self indulgent and that I wasn't pulling my weight.

Samsung_Note2

Fireflyaway wrote: »

Outside work I don't socialise with others. I like reading, being outside and I like animals.
I think I've come to realize after some soul searching that my personality isn't going to lend itself to getting very far up the career ladder so need to just find something that makes me happy.
I wouldn't just sit about it I had a year off. I'd join a gym, do some volunteering, do some courses etc. I'm never lonely so the reduced social interaction wouldn't bother me. It would actually be a positive.

Come work for me...ok so its only security,but you will work alone and get to walk around an old "Sorry thats classified" area thats full of animals (Deer..Foxes..Loads of squirrels and a few very large birds of prey)..money is poor but what better than work by yourself.

Joking aside sounds like Lone working might be the best option for you.

Savvy_Sue

One thought: if you could care less about fitting in, you might feel happier. I don't know if this makes sense, but ... DS1 was semi-diagnosed with Aspergers when he was 12, and the school doctor who flagged it up said that often it becomes a problem in the teens, because the person wants to fit and finds they can't.

And this was confirmed by a friend who asked what Aspergers was, and when I described what I'd been told, he said "Oh, I'm one of those!" and I said "Yes you are!"

He said that when he was a teenager, he went through a miserable couple of years of trying to be like other people, and then he realised he couldn't, stopped trying, and has ever since been much happier.

And fortunately, DS1 didn't try to be like other people, and has learned to be as sociable as he wants to be.

I don't know if that will help at all. I'm not phrasing it terribly well, but if you don't care what other people think, I do think it reduces anxiety.

Silian

Les79 wrote: »

I would love to meet someone who actually did this. It just never happens, merely a thought experiment. Tell you what, though, but give Mr Money Moustache an email. His post is dated 2012 so he's over halfway through this!


Also, I just worked out mine and I'd have about 4k a year to live off if I lived to the average life expectancy age (with the added risk of dying earlier with money in the bank which I couldn't spend due to this mad arrangement, OR dying later with next to nothing to show for it and a bit of a struggle).


It would, for me, be a hard 10 years followed by an even harder X years. Assuming I'm alive in 10 years, of course!


I'd be a bit keener to give something like this stock IF WE KNEW WHEN WE WOULD DIE, but its just not worth it with not knowing...

Mr Money Moustache became famous for retiring at 30 on an average salary by saving most of their income during their 20s. It can be done - once you have enough money you can live of the investment profit indefinately.

If you read his blogs and forums you will see a lot of other people also reaching financial indepedance. Off course 'extreme frugality' is not for everyone and not everyone can do it. Does not mean it isn't a good thing to work toward

Savvy_Sue

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

One thought: if you could care less about fitting in, you might feel happier.

BTW, I just thought I'd give an example from my own fairly NT experience.

I have a mild hearing loss, but it means I can't hear at all well in situations where several people are talking at once. My preference would often be to avoid all such situations, which would mean having quite limited social interaction.

today I've had a team lunch, where I carefully positioned myself at the end of the table with my back to a wall: that way I'm not surrounded by conversation from people I ought to respond to on all sides.

and then there were leaving drinks for a colleague. Most people left before I did, and when I got to the pub I couldn't see my colleagues downstairs. Went upstairs, still couldn't find them. First thought "great, now I don't have to go, can just say I couldn't find them!" Then found them OUTSIDE in the freezing cold, and thought "Nope, can't do this."

So I just apologised for not staying, gave my best wishes to the leaver, and left.

Now, I probably come across as a Grumpy Old Woman at times, perhaps a bit odd because I insist on sitting at the end of groups with my back to the wall, and I often DON'T join in with purely social occasions.

But you know what - I don't care. I don't completely avoid social situations, but I CHOOSE when I join in: there's one particular watering hole that I just won't go to because I know I'll be deafened by the music, I won't be able to hear anyone, it's pointless.

Some of the things I've misheard at work are legendary. People know I don't hear well - but they also know that once I have heard you ask me for something, I'll do a fine job of whatever it is I need to do.

I'm not there to socialise, I'm there to work. I'll be polite and friendly, but I don't care whether you like me or not, and I don't care if I don't fit in. 'Everyone's doing x, y or z' or 'Everyone will be there' is a phrase for teenagers to use to their parents when they're not allowed to do something. It's not something to run my adult life by.