Help ! 17yr old son going off the rails !

[Deleted User]

Ok...my son is 17 ...18 next March and is currently at college taking A levels...exams are next year. Over the last six months he's been skipping college to the point where the college are threatening to expel him. He's also got into a habit of staying up til the early hours which of course is making him tired the next day therefore skipping college. His overall attitude stinks. He lies constantly about going to college...he lies about staying up all night. We go to bed at 10.30 ish as we both work so can't keep tabs on him all night. He pretends to be in bed and then gets up. We've also caught him cooking at 3am !! I've taken his PS4 away...his mouse for the PC and recently his phone but there's still no let up. He's become totally bone idle and a very unpleasant young man. He used to be so bubbly and an A student but he's just throwing everything away. We've told him that if college kick him out then he has to find a job and pay his way. His response is a shoulder shrug and off to his room he goes. He's not on drugs or drinking alcohol as he rarely meets up with friends socially ...maybe two or three times a month ! Anyone gone through the same with their kids ? Did you resolve the issue ? We're at our wits end !

dawyldthing

I must admit I did the same. Quite how I passed my a levels I’ll never know. Me and a relative went to Mexico when I should have been resubmitting my English language coursework (and no I’m not joking). But the only thing that kept me going was knowing what I wanted to study at uni, and that kept me on task. Does he know what he wants to study at uni or where his next step is? As this might be what he needs

Possibly point him towards a careers advisor or sit down and see what he wants to do. He might possibly want a gap year (a friend of mine did then decided uni wasn’t for her and carried on working) or decide uni isn’t for him so won’t need his a levels after all.

Other option is to switch the electrics off on the board each night (and possibly put a lock on it), put a lock on the internet (I’m with TalkTalk and it’s easy to do, I’m sure others might be the same) and remind him that while he’s under your house it’s your rules

chesky

But what's he actually DOING at 2oclock in the morning? When I read the post, I thought he must be sneaking out. But it seems not. Is he playing games? Watching !!!!!!? Gambling? Do you even know?

sammyjammy

Have you considered he has some problems, if he's socially excluding himself maybe there is more going on? Did he want to do A levels?

svain

He is 17 nearly 18 not 5 years old!! .... You cant just turn off the electrics or confiscate his stuff ... He is of age to decide what time he goes to bed/sleep and what he does in his own bedroom ...... If his behaviour is unnacceptable then a conversation about how he behaves or acts around the home needs to be had and a clear consequence if he doesnt change (ie move him out etc)

svain

Organza_Lace wrote: »

If the parents are supporting him financially and paying the electricity bill that is something they can do and probably ought to do. Weve threatened to put our Youngests room on a timer before now when he was at college. Fortunately the threat of it was just enough.



So you cant control the electric in his room but you can move him out..... Kicking him out ought to be a last resort.

He is considered an adult in less than 4 months ... for goodness sake treat him like an adult .... Perhaps they should send him to bed with no tea aswell :rotfl:

SandraX

svain wrote: »

He is 17 nearly 18 not 5 years old!! .... You cant just turn off the electrics or confiscate his stuff ... He is of age to decide what time he goes to bed/sleep and what he does in his own bedroom ...... If his behaviour is unacceptable then a conversation about how he behaves or acts around the home needs to be had and a clear consequence if he doesn't change (ie move him out etc)

I was about to post the same thing as you, thanks.

The only things I'd add are, easier said than done to kick out your child, and he is still a child, your child and the worry of him being attacked, mixing with the wrong types/etc.

Sit him down, think what you want to say and expect, put that to him, have red lines drawn, give him some area to negotiate, put timescales and if no improvements, out he goes - that may do the trick, you need to be strong.

Comms69

I did the same thing, almost to the letter.


The thing is I still passed my a levels, got into uni of choice and did just fine.


I know that's anecdotal; but the point is - is he struggling because of any of this? Some students lose motivation because the work is too easy.

DCFC79

Anything in particular he likes to eat or drink ?

Dont buy his favourites, if he wants what he likes then he needs to change his attitude or get a job to buy what he likss tk eat and drink.

SuperPikachu

Has he suffered some sort of social/intimate rejection or gone into depression?

You might want to get him down the doctors and tell him you will support him instead of taking all of his escapes off of him and expecting him to just snap back into some sort of normality.

Without knowing much much more details it is hard to say really but it does seem sad how negative your wording of the situation is.

"bone idle, very unpleasant, lying"

What positive /constructive steps have you taken so far with this?

theoretica

Has anyone who gets on with him - an uncle, elder cousin or grandad perhaps - asked him what is going on in his life, why he thinks he is behaving like this and where he sees himself in a couple of years time? There are so many different things that could be going on and finding out what applies in his case is a crucial first step.