Drugs - tell the parents or mind my own?

stebiz

My daughter who is in her early twenties has been friends for many years with a girl who is now 19. This year the girl lost both her grandparents and is putting a brave face on it. However over the last few months the girl has been snorting anything she can get her hands on and taking all kinds of 'poppers'. My daughter is now making any excuse not to go out with her as she feels something bad will happen. Do I butt out or do I send a little message to her parents and let them know what is going on? I'd never forgive myself as I've know her since a little girl.

geminilady

stebiz wrote: »

My daughter who is in her early twenties has been friends for many years with a girl who is now 19. This year the girl lost both her grandparents and is putting a brave face on it. However over the last few months the girl has been snorting anything she can get her hands on and taking all kinds of 'poppers'. My daughter is now making any excuse not to go out with her as she feels something bad will happen. Do I butt out or do I send a little message to her parents and let them know what is going on? I'd never forgive myself as I've know her since a little girl.

Has your daughter tried talking to her? If you have known her since she was little why don't you have a word,you could say your daughter told you because she was worried about her which sounds as if it is true.Even if you did tell her parents there is little they could do at 19 they cannot keep tabs on her. I would advise her to contact somewhere like cruise where she can get grief counselling

74jax

If something happened to your daughter and then you heard a parent of a close friend knew she had been on a slippery slope, would you have wished you knew?

I'm close to many of my DDs friends and would text in this situation. 'Look I know DD has said she doesn't want to go out with you because of what you taking, why don't we meet up for a coffee. I'm worried about you.'

She would either say yes or ignore. If she ignored I'd call the parent, it's then their choice but I'd have done all I could.

I would urge my daughter to explain too why she didn't want to meet up, so the person has an understanding what she is doing to herself is cutting her off.

worried_jim

She will just drift away from your daughter and find a new set of friends who share this pastime. I wouldn't tell anyone, this a phase she is going through as she explores adulthood and the freedoms that it brings. Not all drug users become problem drug users and I would practice a little live and let live.

rach_k

I'd let her parents know. I'd want another parent to do the same for me and my daughter.

Fireflyaway

I agree with you. Why would you turn a blind eye? Wouldn't you want to know if your daughter was doing the same? Something bad could happen to this girl and I think you have a moral duty to bring it to the attention of her family. What happens then is out of your hands.
Too often in society people take the easy way out and ignore what is going on because it's easier. I think we have a duty to do what we can to help others.
I also agree with your daughter saying something to the girl. Might listen more to a friend her own age.

ruperts

What exactly do you mean by "snorting anything... and all kind of 'poppers'"?

If it's the likes of cannabis, ecstasy or cocaine being used exclusively on nights out then I'd steer well clear. That would be recreational drug use and as an adult she's allowed to make her own mind up as to whether that's something she wants to partake in. Many people do and live perfectly functional lives.

If however you're talking about regular use of harder drugs such as heroin or crack cocaine then it's more of a dilemma. I'd still probably steer clear, on the basis that if the drug use becomes genuinely problematic, she won't be able to hide it from people close to her for very long anyway. In the meantime all you're likely to achieve by approaching her is alienating her from yourself and your daughter.

Red-Squirrel_2

How well do you know the parents? Do you have any idea how they'll react? Are they likely to be supportive and want to help or will they be angry and punish her possibly pushing her further down the path she's started on?

It sounds like what she really needs is support with the grief she's going through.

I don't have any moral concerns about young adults doing a bit of experimentation with recreational drug use, but there are risks involved and they should be informed and know how to keep themselves safe. Parents should be having the conversations about that just the same as they do about safe sex, drinking responsibly etc.

BrassicWoman

She's an adult... I'd leave it.

pickledonionspaceraider

It is a hard one this, as there is going to be fall out - whatever happens..................... but as others have said, if i was the parent I would want to know

So I would tell them. I can't say I would feel totally happy about it, as the girl is technically an adult now...but it does seem the right thing to do - and I would want someone to tell me if one of mine (whatever age) where doing stuff like that

trailingspouse

Tell them.


I don't know what your relationship with the parents is but either
- you don't really know them that well. In which case, telling them isn't going to harm your relationship with them.
- you're quite close to them. In which case not telling them is likely to do more harm to the relationship. Imagine the Mum coming to you all upset because she's just discovered that her daughter is doing drugs and losing friends because of it - and you say 'Oh yes, I knew about that'... Or you keep quiet, knowing that you could have done something about it sooner.


I think you have to tell them. What they do with that information is up to them.