Drugs - tell the parents or mind my own?

[Deleted User]

While you rarely get thanks for giving this kind of information, in your position I would also go to her parents. I'd say that you know they have suffered a terrible loss but are concerned about their daughter as she seems to be turning to drugs to cope. I wouldn't mention that your daughter doesn't want anything to do with their daughter. That could refocus the conversation on things other than drug taking (like how horrible your daughter is etc etc), which if they are looking for an escape route, they might take. It wouldn't be true, but it could be an escape route.

It might force a conversation your daughter's friend needs to have. Give them some relevant counselling no's like Cruise.

However, they could react badly too. And it is true, the reality is, they can do nothing if their daughter wants to continue. But what the parents and your daughters friend wants to do after that is up to them.

But regardless I think you have to let them know.

Gavin83

ruperts wrote: »

What exactly do you mean by "snorting anything... and all kind of 'poppers'"?

If it's the likes of cannabis, ecstasy or cocaine being used exclusively on nights out then I'd steer well clear. That would be recreational drug use and as an adult she's allowed to make her own mind up as to whether that's something she wants to partake in. Many people do and live perfectly functional lives.

If however you're talking about regular use of harder drugs such as heroin or crack cocaine then it's more of a dilemma. I'd still probably steer clear, on the basis that if the drug use becomes genuinely problematic, she won't be able to hide it from people close to her for very long anyway. In the meantime all you're likely to achieve by approaching her is alienating her from yourself and your daughter.

I agree with this. Recreational drug use is pretty common at this age and isn't an issue in itself. In this situation I'd stay out of it. However if she's using it as a coping mechanism then that isn't healthy and she needs help. Whether you tell her parents, speak to her yourself or encourage your daughter to is your decision, I don't think any of those options is the wrong choice.

stebiz

Thanks for the replies. It isn't just every time they go out it's most days even when she's in her bedroom. I'm guessing her parents think it's just the drink when she looks half cut but the truth is she isn't coping at all well with this loss. Not a day goes by without her posting about them but then my daughter is so anti drugs she doesn't want to be involved in anyway. Personally I'd want to be told so I could do my best to help her.

pmlindyloo

If you are sure that the drugs use is connected with her grieving then I think some intervention may be necessary.

Imagine the scenario that this young girl becomes so distressed and when 'under the influence' harms herself, perhaps fatally?

There would be a great deal of 'I didn't realise', 'if only I could have prevented it'.

I am not saying this is going to happen but have given you the worst case scenario so that you don't dither.

You must either speak to the girl yourself and/or contact her parents. You could even tell the girl that you are going to contact her parents. You need to offer some support with contact from a bereavement service or some counselling contact information.

Yes, you and your daughter may lose her as a friend and her parents may feel you have crossed the boundaries with your interference but I think that is a small price to pay for potentially preventing serious harm to someone so young.

-taff

I'd tell them. I would want to know. You can't help if you don't know they nned help, or more help/.

Doodles

Yes, I would tell them.

suejb2

She's an adult , all be it a young adult
so doesn't need to answer to her parents. Why can't you have a word with her? Your daughter seems to know her own mind and will probably distance herself soon.

onomatopoeia99

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Imagine the scenario that this young girl becomes so distressed and when 'under the influence' harms herself, perhaps fatally?

My niece is a "young girl". She's six. The person being talked about here is an adult.



I suggest the OP treat her as one and either talk to her like an adult, or stay out of it.

SmarterNotHarder

She's an adult. If she was 13/14 it might be different, but she isn't. It isn't your place to tell the parents. If you have a relationship with her, then it might be worth reaching out to her. If not don't do it. You risk the girl not telling your daughter anything at all.

Actually, the girl in question isn't the only young adult around. Your daughter is early 20s. I get not wanting to hang out with her, but she doesn't have to to be a friend to her. Is your daughter willing to wash her hands of her friend just because she's having a hard time and is self medicating because she can't cope? Then that's your daughter's choice.


If she still want's to help her friend, she could check in by text with her. Offer to do something that doesn't involve drugs. Get numbers for grief/bereavement counselling places that won't judge, because however much you, your daughter and even her parents might want to help, the girl is likely to need professional support.

And don't forget, if this girl's grandparents have died, then her parents are likely to be grieving too, and probably not the most rational they're ever likely to be.


Actually, are there any other friends in the friends group? Could they all get together and help? I'm sorry if I've sounded a bit harsh, but "calling the parents" is not appropriate any more.



If the girl is in education, the school/college/university will have support too and may need your daughter's help finding them.



Don't think that by not ringing the parents that you can't help. You just need to be more subtle about it.

sheramber

I would say if anybody was to approach the girl's parents it should be your daughter. She os an adult and is directly involved with the girl.

She could approach her parents and say she is concerned about her friend.

Her parents may be aware. But whether it is drugs or alcohol it is not ideal.

My friend was aware her son was taking dugs but he was a young adult and she could do nothing about it until he was ready for help.

He did turn his life round eventually.