Help: I dont know what to do

unknownfuture

Candy, thank you. I can and would be offered to keep the house from the mortgage company. I can afford to run it solo for me and my son, it was the initial upfront to pay him out I don’t have I put everything into the house.

The house we bought two years ago and has gone up 4K

So I think 7.5k in each, plus how much has been paid already to the mortgage then the difference with increase.

I have evidence that I had the loan transferred to him as a loan from me, which makes it simpler. Currently while he’s in a nice mood he’s saying he will offset the loan with the house. However the threat of me going to csa is also being hung over me.

We are joint home owners.

Fireflyaway

Could you sell the house and make a fresh start? If you can't afford to buy again straight away, you could rent for a bit and save up a bigger deposit or look into shared ownership etc.
It seems your partner is just hiding from his responsibilities because right now that's the easiest thing to do.
See if you are entitled to any benefits, see where you can make savings. Basically work out how you will get by without his contribution in case it doesn't materialize. Not paying for his child just seems wrong, no matter what your relationship is. I think I'd contact him in writing so you have a record of everything and it cant escalate into a fight.

paddy's_mum

This might seem a silly thing to say but perhaps a long way down the line, you will remember my words.

While he is being a s*o*d to you, you can bet your life that he's telling the new lady all the porkies, all the character assassination etc.

If she's got so much as half a brain, she ought to remember all this because if they in turn break up, he WILL do the same to her. Even if they don't, she will always be wary - it's hard to undo what the mind has already absorbed.

Nurse your broken heart but keep strong. All he's got is a new shag - it's you who has the child, his love and your love for him.

Good luck.

Happier_Me

While he's being reasonable I would try to get the house transferred to you fully using the loan as the offset for any deposit and equity built up in the house. So you keep the house, don't pay over anything to your ex but you also take full responsibility for the loan.

My advice would be to play nice for now. Yourgaining tool is to agree to him making the CSA payment directly to you and not using the collection service. If he fails to keep up his repayments you can use the formal route at a later date, but by that point hopefully the house will be in your name.

If the bank will allow you to remortgage in your name only then get this done. Worry about him consistently paying child maintenance when he stops paying you.

And make sure you put your new details into the yougov benefit calculator. You might be entitled to various tax credits you're not now as a couple.

onomatopoeia99

paddy's_mum wrote: »

it's you who has the child

A child is not a possession The sooner people stop thinking like that or saying things like that, the better.

Comms69

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

A child is not a possession The sooner people stop thinking like that or saying things like that, the better.

Totally agree; it’ll be 4 weeks tomorrow since I’ve seen mine ( not making this about myself ) and it’s literally the worst thing a person can do

Red-Squirrel_2

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

A child is not a possession The sooner people stop thinking like that or saying things like that, the better.

Equally, a child is not something you can just drop when you get bored and fancy a change. That's treating the child as a 'thing' just as much as the wording you objected to.

unknownfuture

I’m keeping my child completely out of this. What he’s doing to me is conpletley different. He’s a good dad, !!!! partner. He can have as much access as he wants. It only benefits my child

paddy's_mum

onomatopoeia99 wrote: »

A child is not a possession The sooner people stop thinking like that or saying things like that, the better.

Ooops - slipped up there, didn't I?

Okay. So I hereby apologise for using the following words in recent posts.

The dog, the prime minister, the tree, the husband, the house, the CMA, the timber feller, the grass, the lawn, the lounge, the nurse, the flea treatment, the future ......:)

How is using the word (oh, darn it - there's that objectionable word 'the' again!) 'the' in context, in appropriate language and in a grammatically correct fashion something to be lambasted for?

I suggest that people have put their own interpretation on the words rather than detecting something unpleasant or sinister in my use of them.