11 year old not coping with secondary school

quietheart

My friend's daughter has gone from a lovely caring primary to a huge secondary all girls school. She has always been anxious but is now terrified and like a different child. Nothing specific has happened but she has no friends and is going downhill rapidly.
Her mum has spoken to the school but they appear clueless as what to do. Does anyone have any advice about services that are out there to try and help now before things get worse.
Thanks.

tanith

I sympathise with the problem as it can be traumatic for some children, does she not have anybody from her old school there that she could rekindle a friendship with? Maybe walk to school together and meet up at playtimes even if they are not in the same classes... They usually have a mentoring system in big high schools whereby an older child will be available to her if she has problems and can sometimes just make the newcomer feel that she has someone to talk to it can make a big difference... get her parent to ask the school if they have a mentor system...

quietheart

The school is so big that the few other children from the primary school are in a different block, different teachers, etc. The school is vast.
Will find out about mentoring.
Thansk again

Never_Enough_Money

Hi, is there anyone there that she knows from her primary school? If it is a case that there are children that she is friendly with but they are in different tutor groups or halves of year, her mother could ask for her to moved Tutor groups, I know this does happen at my dd's school.

Also what about school clubs? sometimes they are a good way to get to know people. One of my daughters loves art but didn't want to go to the after school club because she didn't know anyone, after some gentle persusaion she went and loves it, she has actually made some new friends there.

It is tough at secondary schoo, especially for more timid children, but I do think that most schools will do what they can to help, after all happy children learn more. I would definately talk to her form tutor and see if they have any suggestions, it may well be that they have noticed that she seems unhappy too, It is such a shame for a child to be unhappy at school, they spend so much time there.

kisto

Starting secondary school is a big step in a childs life and I'm sure it's quite common for children to find the change difficult. I'd start with the GP.

My son (11) is still at primary school (year 6), but he's had several issues and I went to my GP, who referred him to the children Mental Health service.

I also approached his school. His school also have programmes in place to help children with emotional issues such as SEAL (Social and Emotional Aspects of Learning) - this is aimed at KS1 & KS2 but I would assume similar is available for KS3+ too LINK and another group he attended (via school) is a locally run group called CASP ([SIZE=-1]Children’s Activity and Support Project) which is about building self esteem, dealing with anxiety etc. I'm in the fortunate position of having worked at the school as a teaching assistant so I knew what was available and who to contact.

I would advise approaching the Tutor first, but maybe SENCO ([/SIZE][SIZE=-1]Special educational needs coordinator) or Head of Year could help too.
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quietheart

Good ideas. Thanks for the link Kisto.
The head of year has been approached, the girl and her form tutor don't get on. The tutor thinks the anxiety is defiance not anxiety (won't make eye contact or speak etc), the head of year has suggested her going to the library so she's not in her form group which seems avoidant and wouldn't help. The SENCO is an idea I hadn't thought of.
Thanks again.

Never_Enough_Money

Hi

I think that the resonse of the form tutor and the head of year is totally unacceptable, I would approach the head of school and explain the situation, I would also speak with the education department at your county council, I think that it is called the LEA? I once had problems with bullying at a particular school where I felt I was getting nowhere with the repsonses from the school, I spoke with the people at the LEA and they were great, they gave me loads of advice and also were very interested to know which school, teacher etc. The school are responsible for childrens welfare whilst they are at school, physical and mental welfare. Has the parent asked for the child to be moved to another tutor group so that she is with children she knows?

quietheart

Great, this is the sort of information i was after, I knew i get it on here:T
Will go and look at the LEA website now.
Thanks again!

Never_Enough_Money

Good luck, do let us know how she gets on. It is such a shame when children are not happy at school, we have been through this as a family and it is emotionally exhausting. Every child should have the opportunity to be happy at school and feel understood and supported by their teachers, and also feel happy to approach members of staff with any problems or worries they may have, sadly this is not always the case. I am sure that these type of teachers are in the minority (don't mean to offend and teacher/school staff on this forum).

LondonDiva

It seems rather an over reaction not to have tried alternatives to the schools suggestions or to work with them a little more before shooting straight off to the LEA.

While you know your child best, they also know by sheer numbers of experience what strategies may work for children coming into secondary. What they've suggested may not have worked with your child, but probably would have been right for anohter child. It's nto an exact science and until the school is actually deliberately obstructive or dismissive, I would urge you to try to work with them to make your daugther happy.

If you can think of alternatives, it would be courteous to bring it to the attention of the head of year and for tutor rather than escalating it straight to the head teacher and LEA.

quietheart

Sorry Londondiva, I think you've misunderstood me. I will contact the LEA for general information, for an explanation of what schools can provide and for what outside support may be available if required. My friend has already met with the form tutor and the Head of Year but things haven't impoved. This is about my friend's daughter so under no circumstances will I be mentioning the school or the child. I'm fact finding not causing trouble.
Hope I've made it clearer.