gift from ex

Poor_Single_lady

Against the grain but I am confused by this. I think you should have said put them in the post or get someone else to collect them.

No need to meet exes four years on. I would feel put out if I was your partner. Not about the gift- but about the fact you went to meet her. you also seem to be overthinking it which would concern me.

caprikid1

I think there are so many insecure untrusting people out there.


I would not loose a seconds sleep if my partner saw and Ex and would like to think she would not either.


It was a nice gesture from the Ex.

lebowski1980

Thanks everyone for your responses.

I was overreacting and over thinking the issue somewhat as when i got home my partner said she would have been fine with the gift although i could tell it may have been a bit weird. I had however made the decision that it should be given to charity because I think on reflection perhaps it was me with the issue.

That is not to say that it wasn't a really nice gesture because it was from my ex and my partner also recognised that.

After a really good chat with my partner it wasn't that she doesn't trust me or that it's even to do with her past. It's more to do with how i communicate my feelings towards her and make her feel like I am happy to be with her and not want to go back to my ex. I'm not always the best at expressing feelings although i do try and my partner does admit some insecurities based on her past but she does try to keep them under control.

The bottom line here is that the whole situation has probably been caused by my lack of attention in expressing my feelings in a better way which led her to feel nervous about things and creating a mountain out of a molehill.

By my own admission I do overthink things and tend to get a bit anxious about things when it comes to emotional situations. I think it's the right decision to gift the item on rather than keep it but I'll have to notch it up to my own learning as I think I made the situation out to be more complicated than it was.

Shame I can't apply my skills with numbers to the art of speaking more succinctly!

maisie_cat

Sunny_Intervals wrote: »

"Sue gave us this for the baby, I can charity shop it if it makes you uncomfortable".

I'd go with this, a gift is nice after all.
When my youngest sister was born I was estranged from my mother because of my stepfather. I bought a babygro for the baby and he cut it up into strips because he didn't want her wearing a gift from me.

duchy

Sounds like you might have had a bit of food for thought about your own reaction and expectations of her.
Perhaps just a bit over protective of the new Mum or a bit wary of upsetting those still volatile hormones , as a one off it's not a big deal but as a pattern of behaviour might benefit from a bit of counselling if it keeps happening.

The most unexpected people send baby gifts I found

lebowski1980 wrote: »

Thanks everyone for your responses.

I was overreacting and over thinking the issue somewhat as when i got home my partner said she would have been fine with the gift although i could tell it may have been a bit weird. I had however made the decision that it should be given to charity because I think on reflection perhaps it was me with the issue.

That is not to say that it wasn't a really nice gesture because it was from my ex and my partner also recognised that.

After a really good chat with my partner it wasn't that she doesn't trust me or that it's even to do with her past. It's more to do with how i communicate my feelings towards her and make her feel like I am happy to be with her and not want to go back to my ex. I'm not always the best at expressing feelings although i do try and my partner does admit some insecurities based on her past but she does try to keep them under control.

The bottom line here is that the whole situation has probably been caused by my lack of attention in expressing my feelings in a better way which led her to feel nervous about things and creating a mountain out of a molehill.

By my own admission I do overthink things and tend to get a bit anxious about things when it comes to emotional situations. I think it's the right decision to gift the item on rather than keep it but I'll have to notch it up to my own learning as I think I made the situation out to be more complicated than it was.

Shame I can't apply my skills with numbers to the art of speaking more succinctly!

trailingspouse

Well done lebowski1980 - welcome to the complicated world of 21st century relationships.



If in doubt, if you're not sure how to behave in any given situation, and as a rough rule of thumb - do the nice thing.

lebowski1980

trailingspouse wrote: »

Well done lebowski1980 - welcome to the complicated world of 21st century relationships.



If in doubt, if you're not sure how to behave in any given situation, and as a rough rule of thumb - do the nice thing.

Oh, the number of times I've tried to just do the nice thing and ended up getting the situation wrong beggars belief! I go with gut most of the time which is probably more level than my head. Plus, as i suffer from bad bouts of reflux, i find doing the right thing saves me money on rennie as well

(note - other brands of chalky relief are available)

Poor_Single_lady

Why is it insecure to be upset your partner wants to see their ex partner.
I really don't see the need at all and I don't understand why people would want to open that door. It's a can of worms best left alone. After 4 years just leave it alone. No need.

Caprikid you do come across as quite vexed to be honest. To me that suggests you have no romantic connection to any of your exes and you are lucky enough to have moved on- why then would you be romotely interested In seeing them.
I honestly don't understand.

If you have moved on put your new partner first and close the door for good on the others (I don't mean where your paths cross unintentionally - I mean don't go out if your way to see them).

And I don't trust women either.

Poor_Single_lady

But that doesn't explain the need to see them. I wouldn't like it - not because I am worried something might happen but because I think it is unnecessary and inappropriate.

If you've gone 4 years without seeing each other then you are not friends.

Where is the need for a meet-up. Our whole culture now is having whatever you like - I would want to date someone that would say put photos in the post thanks.

Poor_Single_lady

But I still don't see the need. Personally I would find it disrespectful.

I just don't see what you would be gaining from meeting up with somebody who you used to love but decided to part from and haven't seen in 4 years.

I'm not saying you have to pretend they didn't exist. That's not what I have written.
More that I don't know what you have to gain by meeting them again.